Gurka,

You could go crazy with this stuff consuming you. I remember constantly checking the cell phone records, her internet pages, bank activity, etc.

It can become an obsession. I know its very hard, but you can't control any of what she does and you will only hurt yourself by spending so much time spying.

I'm not recommending you don�t do it, but merely giving you a heads up that it can become both painful and obsessive. Again, I've been there and I know it is easier said than done.

At your low points, simply tell yourself, "This too shall pass."

Keep the faith.

She has a new bank account that she uses, as well as a new cell phone. I look at my bank and cell phone stuff every couple of days.

Admittedly this situation occupies my thoughts more often than not, but I don't feel like I'm obsessed.

I seriously doubt my wife will ever overcome her stubbornness and pride and be able to say, "Yeah, I did all of these terrible things, they were wrong, and I'm sorry." I think it's much more her style to simply run away.

My H seems to be the same way, Gerka... instead of toughing out the hard times, he'd rather throw it all away, go the "easy route." Waywards, I will not understand them....

Funny how often a person will drop THAT style when they hit bottom.

But, time will tell.

Hey Gurka,

If your W were to make her decision today, I agree 100% with your statement. However, give the investigation(s) time to work and the A to end... THEN re-evaluate.

The MB plan doesn't recommend that the BS continue taking the WS's abuse indefinitely. You're still at the first step.

Exposure will most definitely end the A... and unless the OM completely dumps his family, he will most likely never want to speak with your W again.

Once the investigation(s) are over and punishment is delt out, this will be your window of opportunity to really Plan-A your W. Hopefully, you can both be together while doing this.

It will take some time for your W to "get over" the OM, but eventually, with NC, she will.

At some point, you will have to decide whether or not you are willing to continue with your Plan-A, or move on to Plan-B. By executing a good Plan-A, you will leave your W with "good" memories of you, and hopefully, at some point, she will realize what she's missing.

For now, try to stay focused on your mission, and try not to "what if" the future... I know it's hard, but as the others have said, it will just drive you bonkers!

Hopefully the roads will clear tomorrow and you can go see the JAG...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Well, like I've said, she's stationed at Huachuca and I'm at Polk. So I can take leave to go see her when I get back, if she wants to see me. If not, we'll never have the time together to give things a chance.

What will help the fog to clear, is an investigating officer sitting in front of her reading the allegations against her. Then the questioning. She will call you and want to ask you everything you put into your statement.....everything. Your simple response to her will be.....everything. Their (OM and her) romance will die a quick death.

Gerka,

I think the term RIF was trying to give you now that you have sent off the SS is...INCOMING! You can bet your email will "warm" up soon.

It will be all your fault.

You are a mean mean man.
You will be a loser.
You will be a liar.
You will be some many things you didn't know a human could be.

But, when you hear it just smile and be

You are doing things the way they should be done and she is NOT!

Have faith in that. When the smoke clears you will have decisions to make and I think you will then have a clearer picture of what and who you are dealing with. You will KNOW the right action to take, but you will also know that you did all you could.

Hang in there.

JL

Morning Gurka!

Hope the roads are clear for you this morning...

Not going anywhere until tomorrow. I ate some poison fruit loops this morning I think. I've been sick all day. Laying in bed now with my stomach roiling.

it was probably the milk... sometimes that stuff sits out for days on end before they put it in the coolers. Its supposed to be "shelf stabilzed" but everynow and then I'd run into a bad box.

Hope you get to feeling better!!!

Bad fruit loops. Impossible! There is so much sugar and chemicals in them they may get stale but never go bad.

More like bad milk or something else is wrong.

Yeah, it probably was the milk. I'm still sick though. Ugh.

Drink a glass or two of water, see if that helps.

Then again, last time I drank bad milk I drank the water right after the milk, so I guess this is a bit late.

Hey Gerka,
Hang in there buddy. My hats offs to you, you're thread has really helped me alot in the exposure dept. What you did took alot of personal courage, I'm not talking about drinking the milk either, although it applies there too. I stayed away from that stuff while I was there.

I returned from Afghan in Oct 09, I was all over the place there. I am very familiar ARSIC-C, Kabul and KAF, I spent about 5 months in both areas. We did alot of PMT stuff...what a mess. From Jul04-Jul05 I was also stationed at Ft. Polk. I think I would take Kabul over Leesville any day.

I know what it's like to be in a combat zone and have hardly any support from the household. It kept me up many nights, I lost many hours of sleep. I had to divorce my W in my head to be able to cope. I wish that I knew about this site while I was there.

Stay stong, and rest knowing that you have done everything that you can possibly do at this point to save your marriage.

Deployment had the opposite effect on me. I had no clue about what was happening at home. My experience doesn't compare to you guys. I was a pilot and stationed elsewhere, but I did have some hairy moments out there. I would cope by thinking often of home and fell asleep by pretending to be at home and in bed with my wife. My feelings grew stronger while I was deployed, which made the homecoming that much more devastating. She told me she wanted the D the day I stepped off the plane.

I did not react well at all. Devestation doesn't even begin to describe it.

BUT�..

I'm soooooo glad she's out of my life now. I'm getting remarried to a wonderful woman who is an equal to me in every respect.

Gurka, you may not have her support while you're out there. But you do have ours. If you're ok with it, perhaps we can send you a package. Mind sharing your unit address? Perhaps we can overnight you some Pepto.

hee hee... yeah, I'd take Kabul or Baghdad over Sleezville or DeRidder any day as well!!! Other than being close to Sam Rayburn and Toledo Bend.... you can have Louisiana!

Hope you're feeling better Gurka!

Semper Fi,

RIF

Yeah, Fort Polk is a dump. But it was going to provide my wife and I plenty of time to spend together. It didn't seem so bad when I thought about it like that.

I don't need anything here, life isn't that tough here. My biggest problem here is my marriage back in the states.

RIF, the investigating officer wanted the name of the LT that contacted OMW. He then contacted HIM for a sworn statement. Weird huh?

Not weird at all. As far as I know, in military NJP "here say" is admissible.

Hey Gurka!

Nope, it's not weird at all!! In fact, it tells me that the investigating officer is doing a VERY thorough job with the investigation and not just "asking a few questions".

An investigating officer is given the basic facts of the case and guidance from the Cdr as to what violations of the UCMJ the suspected service member has violated.

As the investigation progresses, the investigating officer is charged with following up on ALL leads that are pertinent to the case.

I wouldn't be surprised if the investigating officer even questions the OM's wife. She has the same rights, and can refuse, but you never know...

Like we've been saying, you're in a very good place... sit back and relax and wait for the next volly from your W. I suspect that it will come pretty soon after she is questioned by HER investigating officer!

Semper Fi,

RIF