Yeah, you'll get a few ignorant comments from people who don't 'get it'. Take the high road, my [censored]. What does that mean? "Oh, I think I'll take the high road and let my M go in the tank." ???

Of course he's ticked - we told you that would happen. And OW is worried, which means the exposure is doing what is intended. It is causing stress and disruption.

You be the sweet wife he married and let him know that you love him and you love your marriage, and you intend to keep both.

How do I respond to him.....should I continue to address the affair?

Check notable posts - I think it's called 'Be the Lighthouse'. I'll see if I can find it.

Oh brother...YOU are acting like an 8th grader? PUH-LEASE. What about the OW who is trying to STEAL another woman's husband and ruin 4 children's lives and your lowdown-dirty WH who just wants to get in her pants? THEY aren't acting like incosiderate, hormonal, selfish 13 year olds? What a joke.

It would make sense if that was from a relative...you know, birds of a feather and all that.

When he hurls... you say "I understand. Do you want a cookie?" In other words, in one ear and out the other. He's a 2 yr. old throwing a huge tantrum.

Don't worry about FB hate mail, you don't care. You've made your point and that was to expose. It worked. You've turned on the lights. You're doing this for your family and what anyone else thinks won't mean a hill of beans in the long run.

As for the OW-- don't EVEN respond to her garbage.

((Higgs4)))

Plan A him BIG TIME when he comes home tonight. Get to work NOW to make the house look great, you look great, get dinner on. DO NOT SHOW A HINT of regretting what you've done. YOU did the right thing, higgs.

Just smile, look pretty, give him a kiss and tell him you're so happy he's home. Don't bring anything up, let him do it.

And when he does, do not apologize for what you've done. Do you understand that,higgs? If you do he will use your apology to continue to beat you down into submission and your recovery will be off on the absolute wrong foot.

When he says he is upset just smile and say "I love you and want to save our M. M is for 2 people and not three; I did what I needed to do to protect our M from an intruder. Would you like a beer?".

BE STRONG, higgs...he needs to see your STRENGTH right now and know that you want to fight for him and your M.

Beer, cookie... whatever. LOL - You won't be moved - get it?

Why don't you delete your FB account so they can't even get ahold of you?

You might respond ONCE to the OW to simply tell her you are going to fight for your H and M with everything you have and that she needs to leave you both alone. Then ignore her after that.

ok, higgs, just stay completely focused and DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE DIVERTED BY THEIR ANGER. You have wounded the target and you cannot afford to let up now until the affair is dead, do you understand??

I would bluff the OW and your H and let them know you have had them followed by a PI and know all about the affair. [and you do know they are having an affair, that is where he spent the weekend]

Ask your husband to agree to never see the OW again and ask him to send her a no contact letter. Tell him you are willing to forgive him for his affair if he commits to recovering your marriage nad NEVER SEEING the OW again. NEVER.

And don't worry about some backlash from facebook exposures!! You will always get some crapwit who will object. I did about 3 of them for you last night and got a very sympathetic response from one. If you call or email me I will tell you. Did you get my emails??

As far as the OW, I would text her back and say something like:

"my Private Investigator has pictures that will be sent to everyone if you come near my husband again. He will be watching. Don't you come near my husband again."

higgs, please read my emails!!

higgs,

You are terrific.


Your exposure sent OW running for the bushes!

Why? Because her mom and dad saw that message, and they called her on her behavior. Her friends called her and

despite their messages to you

they questioned her on what she was thinking!!!!

Can you hear them????

"OW, what on earth are you thinking? This guy is married! He has 4 kids! He is lying to you, telling you he is getting divorced, and you BUY THAT LINE? You can't be that stupid!"

Meanwhile, they sent you messages that appear to stand up for her. Ignore those messages, because they are trying to put up a front for OW - trust me - they are on her like white on rice in the background. Your WH will be getting an earful at work - because this gossip is hitting the rounds like wildfire.

The OW will cut him a wide berth - because he lied to her, and she now risks losing face at work, and has ALREADY lost it with her family and friends. Those messages have done their work.


Your job is to make sure that you do not stop what you have already done. Expose to the rest of your family, because your kids do need to know the real story. Your parents, or other relatives need to know. There has already been some exposure there, and with the death in the family it will be harder, but do not allow him to use this event to cover him on the affair. There may need to be some time allowed, but you will still need for that exposure to happen, and the same letter to go out to the family who is affected by the recent death. You will need their support in the marriage, because his sis did help cover him in the affair.


And the advice for NO APOLOGIZING for exposure is spot-on.

Your response should be "I am doing what I know is right to save my marriage". He will stop the anger after he realizes he can't get you to fight with him about exposure, and at some point your exposure will begin to make sense.

Do not reduce your vigilance, either. They may go further underground, once OW gets her feet under her, or if your WH figures out a new lie to convince her that

YOU are crazy.


SB

Ok, the crap has really hit the fan...my husband is screaming at me on the phone telling me that I've defaced him and an innocent woman who had nothing to do with any of this.

Also, he is demanding that I retract all my emails to facebook. He was called into the office today with principal and it was revealed there to even though I was not the teller...don't know what happend, but it's a real snake pit now. He hates me and won't even talk to me.

You will be ok!! He is furious because you have interfered with his affair. Don't allow him to bait you into a fight. It is normal for affairees to DENY their affair and become furious when you expose it to the light of day. This trouble is because of his affair, not because of your exposure. He would not be called into the office if he wasn't having an affair.

What has happened here is that you have brought in a crowd of onlookers into the crack house to watch the crack heads get high. THEY ARE FURIOUS!! But the fury will wear off once the fog wears off and that is waht exposure does.

Remain CALM, higgs. If he screams at you, just tell him you are sure sorry he is upset. And be sure and let him that you know all about his affair. Don't you DARE ask him if it is an affair, because he will deny it. Just tell him you KNOW.

Like I said, the gossip has begun.


This is because once YOU knew about it, it was open season for everyone else who knew about it to talk openly about it.

That's kind of the unspoken rule on affairs.

Sort of like how the cockroach rule works. Nobody "notices" the cockroaches unless someone notices when the lights are turned on and one of them doesn't quite make it into the crack fast enough. Then all of a sudden, everyone seems to notice cockroaches EVERYWHERE.

What's that about?


SB

for exposing.

and like every one here is said they ALL get angry, it doesn't last. Ignore any responses, or get someone else to deal with FB generated mail for a few days.

and remember "I am fighting for my family"

He came home just now to pack fo rthe funeral...the viewing is tomorrow and the funeral is Friday. I asked him if I could help him pack...and he said, "Don't do anything for me; I don't want you to touch anything." I told him that I had to expose the affair so that we could get our marriage back. He then said there is no affair!!!! I said yes there is an affair and I have the proof. He said, what, my truck at her house? That's not proof of anything. THis is just like you to do something like this...I'll be lucky if she doesn't sue me for this fb thing.

He then said, "Well, you're back in the driver's seat again Kim, that's what you wanted right?" "I tried to get you to read that book (I bought his needs her needs today) 18 years ago and you didn't do it."

It's funny, while I was purchasing this book, a marriage counselor was there and told me it was a good book....I then started to pour out my story. He said, " You have to remember he is like a madd dog right now and you've got him cornered, so of course he is going to bite"

Higgs, I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you did GOOD. I only WISH my exposure was as nuclear as yours. Mine was a pop compared to yours.

You will be okay. You are doing very well. Just keep listening to the advice on here and you will do MARVELOUSLY.

higgs, why aren't you going to this funeral? It's for your BIL, right?

I think you should go.

I have new neighbors (NN)and a new puppy who lacks a a schedule and he goes outside with me on a leash. NNH (husband) works shift work. I have seen a young man scoot down the hill on the backside of their house about twice a week. He leaves just before NNH comes home from work. When NNH works
days, the curtains are closed till just before 3:00 PM.

All because the puppy doesn't have it together like Mutley did.
Point is..
get the PI to talk to the neighbors.....betcha someone has some observations. I'm writing notes for NNH. NNWW is doing her hard working BS wrong GF