{{{{{NP}}}}} It's natural to feel very sad at losing his physical presence.

Try to keep in mind that you've been like an old lady whose beloved pug Mitzi died, so she had it stuffed. Months later, suppose someone broke in and stole Mitzi, and the old woman was heartbroken.

Really, she had lost her pug months before, but didn't fully feel the loss till the shell was no longer around to fill the void.

The person you miss left a long time ago. Unlike the mythical Mitzi, he stands a good chance of coming back. For Mitzi, there is no "back".

Very well put Neak. I like it when others write what I wanted to say in a more eloquent way. I suck. Tehehehehe

Comparing a WH to a stuffed pug makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

I also am a fan of the stuffed pug analogy. I always forget that my WH is a WH and not the wonderful man I met and married....well hey, actually not even married, because he was already a WH in disguise, emotionally at least, by the time of our wedding!

Anyway, after many many tears and lots of thinking, I`ve come to a decision. WH is going out of his way to be mean to me now. Like he`s constantly rubbing this affair in my face. Even yesterday he was talking about how he was texting OW, and he`s told me flat out that once we separate, his life has nothing more to do with me and he will be with OW. He no longer feels or cares what he`s doing to me. There were bursts before, when he seemed to see through the fog for a second, but lately it`s just been plain cruelty - like he delights in telling me what his plans for the future are and how he`s so happy to be getting away from me. I have had several people tell me now how his actions are just despicable and cruel.

So my decision is this......he has one week to pull himself together and realize all the consequences of his actions. He`s throwing away his family and his home and everything for OW. After the one week, if he`s intent on going forward with the separation and dating OW, I will ask for a divorce.

I know, I know.....Plan B! But after all the nastiness and meanness coming out of him now,and thinking about our whole relationship, I don`t think I WANT to Plan B. I hate the way this is ending but I can`t sit back and have WH off dating OW while I try to keep hope that he`s coming back. I don`t think I even WANT to hope, not for the man he is right now!

I will say it again though.....AFFAIRS SUCK.

Gee - he's reverted to a teenager!

That's the kind of crap a 15 year old dishes out.

Treat it as such.

Beneath your attention.

Honestly, even if you go to Plan B with no thought of recovery, it will still protect you from needless hurt. You just simply send him a short note that says, "Due to the terrible hurt your adultery continues to cause me, I will not have direct communication with you until the A ends. Please send all information regarding D proceedings to my attorney."

Having said that, your reaction indicates you are over-ripe for PB. The idea is to go into PB while you still have a little love left, and PB preserves that love.

It still doesn't mean this is hopeless, however I recommend you take quick action no matter what he decides. It sounds like a week is too long, and you should go dark asap.

Whatever you do, take a little time to think about it and don't just react to his nonsense. Also avoid him as much as possible while your $LB is still so far in the red.

You'll be fine no matter what you decide.

Sadly, I do have a little love left, and that's what makes this so hard. I DON'T want the man he is now. I don't know if he will ever be able to regain the ground he has lost through this whole affair. But I do still love him for the man he used to be.

We went to that magic show tonight, the one he was supposed to go to with OW. I was brutally uncomfortable but strangely he didn't even seem bothered by the fact that I was there instead of OW. For me it was one of the most awkward times I've EVER spent with him.....the show was amazing and all I could think was, "I wonder if he wishes he was here with OW instead..." and then I wondered if he was just going to go home and text her all about it......URRGH! My mind is in overdrive these days.

Neak, I think you're right. Plan B does have to start asap, even if it is going to be a D. I'm avoiding him like crazy, don't want any more stupid arguments or meanness, that'll just hurt me more right now. So he's upstairs doing whatever on his computer and I am tucked away in the kitchen with my laptop.

HUGS!!!!

I know it's hard, you wonder all the time if WH is thinking about OW.... try not to, though. You'll go crazy if you do...

It is hard when you know you still have some love left for the man he was, not the alien he is now. But be strong. I'd definitely say get going to plan B... for you sake as well as your baby's.

Hugs again!

P&H/NP-You need to show the best YOU you can be,right up until the last moment and then you drop the axe, cut off his "cake" supply. I know it is hard. You can remove yourself from him FOR SURE. Just don't wait too long. When are you going to do this? Do you have everything ready? Your IM? Your Letter? Finances? Are you ready for this?

Also, PB isn't about you sitting around twiddling your thumbs waiting to see if he comes back.

It's about you living a wonderful life with your kids, and then giving it some consideration down the road when he wants to join you.

Personally, I'd like to see you in PB within 36-72 hours. I'll bet that even as tired as you are, you can Plan A that much longer. I think it's easier with a concrete goal, and a short one at that.

What do you think?

Hon, plan B will protect your kids too. They already have a crazed, alien for a father they do not need a broken woman for a mother. Get you plan together asap. (((NP)))

I have an IM, lawyer, and finances sorted out. No letter yet. That is something I still need to work on. :S

I am feeling better and stronger this morning. Know I can handle being in Plan B.

I do plan on giving it another week. Just to finish getting my stuff together. And then I will move forward. I am so tired but I KNOW I have the strength to Plan A until then.

OK, then this last week of plan A needs to be STELLAR! That means no LB's, DJ's or AO's no matter how much he pushes your buttons. Take a walk if you feel the need to respond to his wayward rantings or stupidity. Otherwise just tell yourself you are dealing with a spoiled teenage B O Y.

hahahh That's a HUGE part of why I'm giving it another week! My Plan A so far has been shaky at best. So for the next week, I plan on zipping my mouth, walking away when he's acting like a angst-filled teenager, and not asking questions or pushing the whole affair issue (why do I need to, when from talking to OW H we're pretty certain they're continuing with it anyway?).

Last night I told him (LAST conversation about it, I promise!) that I thought he should just go and be happy. He started heaving big sighs and saying, "I don't know what that IS yet!" Oh well. I guess even if he doesn't know he sure has a plan in mind!

I feel like I'm in a good place right now. I honestly am at a place where I don't care if he wants to go be with OW, because I feel strong enough to handle it, and I KNOW I will be fine with our children. It's his mistake.

Called up WH just now and asked him if he would like to go for a theatre experience that was actually planned FOR US, not for him and OW. He seemed very receptive so I guess we'll go on Friday. And we will have a great time.

This is all part of my having a last week of stellar Plan A. Things I should have focused on before.....

Be sure to look and smell pretty.

I'm going shopping for a new dress. ;)It's hard to find things you look good in pregnant, but hey.... no harm trying!

I think pregnant women are beautiful. Just let your glow show to the world. Be confident, happy, no R talk at all!

Strangely (I say that because of his A), WH has told me many times how attractive he finds me pregnant, and how wonderful I look. I just have to find something I think I look good in!

And yes, I have no expectations of this evening other than a nice night out! I plan to literally pour on the niceness and happiness.

And don't be disappointed if he doesn't respond to your efforts. You are planting seeds and you can't see seeds after they're in the ground, only when they begin to sprout. Okay? You may not even get to see the sprouts because you'll be in Plan B by that time. To carry this dumb analogy even further... you're not interested in sprouts anyways, you want the full-grown deal.