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I will talk to BH about the possibility of depression. I myself have had to deal with depression and anxiety so it is something he is familiar with.
We have both been tested for STDs.
I have been married before. I was very young, even though I had 2 daughters with my first husband. The relationship was abusive and I was very dependent on him. I decided to leave him when I joined the Army, grew up a little and realized I didn't have to stay.
In September (09) the one affair was revealed. The previous affair had happened in July 08 and he found out in Oct. 08 when he read in an IM I had written to a friend aluding to it.
Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
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So he has had two separate D-Days in an 11-month span.
That's pretty brutal.
Betrayed spouses frequently go through an anger phase around the 6-month mark from a D-Day. Your BH is right there now.
Last edited by chrisner; 04/30/10 02:23 PM.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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I didn't know that. I know I don't deserve to be "relieved" but I am a little to hear that this is something normal. Thank you all.
Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
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Margie, were you divorced from your ex-husband when you met your current husband?
How did he discover the first affair in 09/09?
Oh, and welcome to MB!
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I was not divorced from my first husband when I met my second husband.
I married my first husband a few weeks before I went into the Army. I went to Basic Training, AIT (school) then went to Korea for a year. (Didn't live with him any of that time). While in Korea I decided I wanted a divorce, I got stationed in Ft. Bliss (El Paso) TX, met my 2nd husband in my new unit when I got here. (Still never having lived with my first husband) And I got divorced when I got here.
in 09/09 was the 2nd affair. He saw some text messages on my phone between me and the OM (nothing implying we had sex) and BH asked me about these texts and I confessed to the affair.
Thank you for the welcome.
Margie
Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
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So that makes three affairs you've had - one with your first husband (living together or not, you were MARRIED), and two one night stands.
Why? The common denominator here is you. Drunken-ness and living apart from your spouse does not mean you weren't cheating. So, what makes you cheat? You can't expect your BH to get past it if you don't understand it yourself.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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I'm currently in IC figuring it all out.
Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
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(Still never having lived with my first husband) Your first husband was the father of your two daughters?
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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You had all of these affairs because you have no BOUNDARIES. Add to that a selfish "feel good" attitude and it's pretty obvious.
You don't need to see an IC in order to figure this out.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
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As your current marriage was born of adultery, has been stained with two more adulteries I have to propose that another reason your husband has withdrawn and won't accept emotional needs from you is it is very possible he is wayward. Again. He did it with you soooooo......just saying.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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I see where you're coming from and though the thought has briefly crossed my mind, I totally believe it is because I am insecure and not because BH is having an A.
Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
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How do I even to begin to repair our marriage when my words and actions simply fall on deaf ears. I have an idea, it may sound a little crazy but hear me out... Stop letting Men who are not your husband put there body parts inside you!!That would be a great start. Next, are you still in the Army? If so, and I was your Husband, I would want you out. Also, the "We where separated" thing, not an excuse. Your husband probably believed you when you asked him to get out because you "Needed space to figure things out" and truly believed he was doing something to help save your marriage by moving out. And whatever you do, DO NOT ever say "We where separated" to your husband, EVER!. Trust Me!!
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Margie,
I sense that you may be keeping background relationships going on with many men. Not full affairs but facebook, emails, light flirting, letters, etc. If so STOP.
God Bless
Gamma
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My husband and I are both disabled veterans and have been out of the army for over 3 years.
Once I confessed the A and really in my heart felt it was wrong, I never tried to use "we were separated" as an excuse. When I confessed I explained to my husband that that's where my mind was at at the time and I only meant to say it when I explained the situation here as where my mind was at.
I know it does not justify my actions and it doesn't help or make anything better.
Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
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Gamma,
I have no relationships of any kind going on with anyone, let alone men. My husband has access to all my emails, accounts, facebook etc. I have no desire to talk to anyone else, I'm not just doing so because he could check at any time.
Margie
Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
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How old are you?
Have you sent No Contact letters to both Men?
Do you have "Guy Freinds" ?
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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I'm 31
I have not sent letters to either man, they have not tried to contact me, nor I, them and I would not even know where they are now or how to get ahold of them if I wanted to.
I don't have any friends.
Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
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Margie,
Has your husband been cheated on by former girlfriends are the OM married?
God Bless
Gamma
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BH says he has been cheated on by all of his exes.
One OM was married and one was not.
Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
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