The answer is YES to all your questions.

You are not doing this out of revenge, but rather out of love. You are asking the people you expose to for their advice and help, not to degrade your spouse.

It is not too late to expose.

I think you need to expose. Exposure is a consequence of the A. It makes the fantasy less real because it won't survive the light of day.

As for the other BS, she needs to know. I am a firm believer that it is immoral to keep information about an A in someone's marriage to oneself. That BS deserves the dignity of being able to make decisions about her life and M with all the information and not have it hidden from her. She also deserves the dignity of handling her own health, which was taken from her. She deserves to be able to know that she needs STD testing, for example. Those are the right reasons.

I understand how you feel about the graphic emails. I saw about 200 sexually explicit photos that the OW emailed to my WH. Many were of them having sex together. It made me vomit then. It makes SF difficult at times now. I am sorry you have to be here.

Cars,

Exposure is always a good thing. It's not about revenge (though it may feel that way sometimes), it is about the truth. And the truth, no matter how painful, is always better than lies. Don't be afraid to speak the truth. You will be amazed at the level of support out there (even from total strangers).

Cars- exposure seems counter-intuitive. There are a few things that you will learn here that seem counter-intuitive. For me, that's how I knew what people suggested to me was what was right. I mean, myh instincts got me into the spot I was in already, what could it hurt to do things that seemed to go against MY instincts? You know what, I don't regret a thing that I have done in my MB plans. NOT ONE.

Okay, so I think advice here is right, exposure is my best last effort to possibly get on road to ending this A and getting on the road to possible recovery.

Meeting with counselor to get her opinion on this.

I soooo hate this!!!!!!!!

Is your counselor familiar with MB? Because if he/she is not, they will most likely NOT agree with exposure. Have you read everything on this site? Have you read other people's threads? Exposure is always advised. It is effective. It isn't the last step though. This is a lot of work. Are you ready for it? Are you ready for the long haul?

Do you have your exposure targets written down with all contact info? You need to do this all at once. When will you be ready?

Wow-what a difference a day makes!!!!

I feel like all I do is read from this site. I am still so confused and NOW I have discovered that the contact is still very strong. WH is actually arguing with OW that "this is not a fantasy, it is real" OW is and has been the one all along trying to end it and WH still trying to get her to let him come see her. Sick and more sick.

Tell me why I should see any future here. Totally disgusted in his weakness and selfish delusions.


At this point I feel like I have no respect, trust or much less love for him.

Family and 2 friends who know the situation are all advising lock the doors and throw way the keys, I am starting to agree.

Emails from OW are all about how she is trying to renew her life she loves with her family. Constantly reminding him that he has to be careful and not let me know they are talking. How WH promises to protect her from exposure.

I think attorney is right in that Exposure might be my best barganing chip in D if needed.

Exposure is not a bargaining chip in divorce. It is meant to stop the divorce from happening in the first place. You have to break him from the affair First before any chance of recovery is possible.

You need to expose now IMO.

Do you not want to save your marriage, cars?

What's your goal, here, cars? Your attorney is telling you to expose for the Divorce? What point would that make? That would be using exposure for vindication, and that's not what exposure is for. Exposure is to avoid divorce by killing the A.

Why have you not exposed this? OW emailing your WH is just one more point of contact, even if the emails are telling him she doesn't want to be with him. Exposure will stop those emails dead.

Right now I don't think there is a marriage to save.

The snooping has become way to much info for me. I hate the thought of this idiot. Months and months of me believing it was over, no contact. Me being everything I could be for him and more to now learn it never stopped. Sure they haven't seen each other but are email, texting, talking all the time.

This person I called my husband, friend, lover, father of my children, has no character, none.

So No, I don't want to save a farsh of a marriage. What is there to save?

Exposure...that's why I have been asking the questions
Is it too late to expose, isit wrong to expose if getting a D?
I understand it is meant for stopping the affair and maybe saving a marriage. I hate to admit it but I can't honestly say I want to save this. I don't even like this person.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

cars, it is not too late to expose. Exposure is likely to kill the affair and when the affair is dead, your H will go back to being himself. You have NOTHING to lose from exposure and EVERYTHING TO GAIN.

But we already told you this.

Four pages of threads and an exposure has not been done. No wonder the affair is still on. Never to late to expose.

Waiting and hoping is not a plan. If you have decided to try to save the marraige, then Plan A is the way to start. That includes the Carrot, AND the stick.

Expose. I don't think I've ever seen anyone one here regret exposing. Some have regrets about not exposing sooner or completely.

Please expose. Kill the A properly, then decide what to do. You can't recover if there is an A going on and you are living with the WS.

His actions are withdrawals from your love bank. It's no wonder you feel like there's nothing left to save. There is a gaping hole in the bucket that holds your love for him. If you patch that hole WITH EXPOSURE, STOPPING THE AFFAIR you have a chance to stop that drain on you marriage. Nothing else will work until you properly expose and take the fantasy aspect out of his disgusting little project.

opt