I am at the point of needing to implement Plan B.
Cant get the WW out of the house or commit to the marriage so it looks like I need to file for D.

She's had 2 affairs in the last 2 years so it probably is for the best although I still do hope for the miracle.

The question is this: My lawyer says to seek sole custody of the two boys. I have a good case, but not clear cut victory.

Wife is totally ticked about that idea, of course. She has offered 50/50 joint custody and taking considerably less than 1/2 the assets.

Do I get into a nasty court battle and spend untold thousands of dollars (which should go to the kids) on lawyers, and put everyone through the trauma in hopes of getting sole custody?

Or negotiate for 50/50 and the best possible outcome on assets?

I ask because I have on clue what to expect.

Thanks for the feedback.

arthawk1,

welcome to the D-train....

your story sounds so much like mine except my kids are older....

On the custody issue there are a couple of guys here that have great advice on the timing of exchanges of over weekends and such..... I'm just not up to speed enough to offer any help there....

I am fairly sure that you'll need overwhelming evidence to get 100% custody of the kids....

About 4 weeks ago I was ready to put the WW into plan-B and she refused to leave the house.... after talking it thru I could see that my plan-B was going to be so watered down I would be wasting my time so I opted for plan-D and filed.....

I have a question for you ....til now has the WW been a good mother ??????

If the answer is anything other than NO then I would opted for 50/50 and keep as much money as you can. I think odds of you prevailing in court are against you because you are a male....

The court will always try to keep the mother in the kids lives unless there is clear evidence that the kids will suffer harm ....

I think if you can structure the custody to your advantage which is technically 50/50 but you get the weekends you'll have the majority of the time with them because of the school schedule.

I think you ask to pickup the kids after school on Wednesdays and either drop off the kids Sunday night or better Monday morning at school....and if you got that and didn't have to give her half the assets I think you've won a huge victory !!!!

Ark,

I'm so sorry. I would, unless WW is somehow a real danger or truly "unfit mother" to your kids, take her offer for 50/50 custody + a reduced split of marital assets. I think that is the best you are likely to get. The family court system is very female-biased and I doubt you would be awarded full custody unless you really had something serious and evidence to back it up. Besides, do you really want to put yourself and your kids through that just to piss her off more? Believe me, she will eventually reap what she has sown from her adultery...what goes around always eventually comes around.

Cheaters suck
Adultery destroys marriages, families, friendships, and children
It corrupts the soul and degrades the character
Divorce is rarely the panacea that the WS thinks it will be at the outset
Working together to better the marriage you have is the best option 99% of the time
It's too bad that so many WSs don't come to realize that until much later

It is all a huge, stupid waste...

Arkhawk, what is it exactly you are asking for? In my state there are actually two forms of custody: physical and total. I hope I can explain the difference clearly.

Complete custody means not only 100% physical custody, but also 100% say in all decisions affecting the children. In other words, the non-custodial parent has absolutely no say in things like schooling, healthcare, etc.

Physical custody is one side of joint custody. One parent has the children for the bulk of the time. The other has arranged visitation (in extreme cases, visitation must be under supervision). But both parents share in decisions about the childrens' upbringing.

Have I been clear? It may be that what you are seeking is physical custody, and that may be easier to accomplish than sole custody. Especially if your WW does not have a substantial income, sufficient living quarters, etc.

ARKHAWK,

First let me offer my condolences about your situation. There is no worse place in life than seeing the family you have worked so long and hard for, torn apart by a WW spouse.

IMHO, I would say take her up on the offer of 50/50 time. As others have said, the D-court system absolutely favors the children staying an active part of both parents lives. Unless you have irrefutable proof of gross negligence or other forms of bad parenting, it is very doubtful you will get full custody.

I would also ask you, what would full custody do for you anyway? And, why would you want or need it? Unless she is deemed by the court to be a danger to the children, she will have access to the children.

Everyone that knows my situation, other than the 3 attorneys I interviewed prior to hiring the 1 in did, said I should have a clear cut case for Full custody, with my ex-ww having her parental rights terminated. My ex-ww ran off with one of her patients, who was in her unit of the hospital because he blew up a meth lab in his face. As his nurse, she knew this. Stupid is as Stupid does. They ran off to the next state, shacked up and 9 months later he was arrested again with a meth lab in the garage of her rented house. As I write his, she is out on bond facing 5 felony counts and the POSOM is now in prison, where he belongs. Guess what, I still don't have Full Custody! We have 50/50, even though I have had the kids all but 31 nights since 1/1/09. Prior to losing her mind, my children's mom was a good mother, and there was no way I could prove otherwise.

Unless your case tops that, I would say take the offer, settle the D, and move on with life. If possible, attempt to buy her out of the home. If you have to move, devise a plan for YOU to keep the kids in the same schools. This will go along way towards you gaining the Primary Custodian status, which is what you want. You need to prove you are a GREAT DAD, not just ordinary. You must be able to demonstrate to the court you have the means and dedication to provide for your kids, BY YOURSELF. Being a single parent is not easy, but you have to fight for your kids.

Good Luck, my brother...

I will remain strong for my kids, Army Strong!