Does it have to be under the steering wheel?

Ok I bought digital voice recorder......$40 by Sony. 534 hours. What kind of Velcro should I get?

Get a pack of adhesive velcro. WalMart or just about any craft store will have it. How long is the VAR? Mine was about 3 inches. Cut the piece (both sides stuck together) to fit the back of the VAR. You'll be good to good. Just remember when you're taking it out of the car to listen to, to separate the sides so that one side remains stuck to the car.

It does not have to be under the steering wheel, higgs, but that is one of the best places to put it to "pick up sound" (ie: voice(s). Either way, wherever you do decide to put it, make sure that it will not be in an area noticable to anyone. From what I've heard, some people even hide recorders under their seats but, of course, finding the ideal spot is probably best decided by yourself. If you can put it under the steering wheel "out of sight," that would likely be the ideal spot (IMO).

The recorder you got, though...is it a "voice activated" one? If not sure, check the box/package it came in, it should say somewhere on it whether it is or not. Hopefully, it is, those are the best ones to use in these types of scenarios.

Wow, you are getting so good at all of this snooping stuff, higgs, that I think I may have to start referring to you as 'Columbo' from now on, lol. ;-)

Keep it up, you are doing remarkably well.

(((HUGS)))

My DAR is about 4-5 inches....but it can be set to be voice activated. He's here for now and was home early. He's driving his saturn for now; he says that the truck is overheating. I just hope he's not out there changing the code to his lock box...that's where the keys are. I'll be out for sure if he changes it.

Things almost seem normal, but I know better.

If I can't get any voice recordings...what will I do to determine if he is still meeting with OW?

If you can't determine it, then you can't.


You still go on under the assumption that he is, until you know for sure he isn't.

You will know - when your HUSBAND reappears, and that wayward idiot stops speaking to you.

You will know when the OW starts making noise about how YOU are terrible, how badly YOUR HUSBAND treated her (you will hear the gossip!), and when your husband starts hanging around more and more trying to do things for you...acting like a MAN and not a hurt little boy who is blaming YOU for the stupid crap he has done.


That's how you will know he isn't contacting her anymore.

I think there are already cracks in this affair, given what the OW has said, the anger level he has, and the stuff he said about being single "anyway". I don't think the pressure on the job front is helping his case with OW, either. While they may try going underground deeper for a bit, this stuff has a way of backfiring in the school setting - remember the gossipers? They will be just chomping at the bit to polish the principal's apple and report these two. The eyes are watching - and YOU SET THEM ON THE SCENT.

You hang in there. If the tape recorder doesn't work, don't sweat it. Watch his cell phone records, see if you can find a secret email account, watch his spending records, and just follow him when you can.

You are doing great. Stay on Plan A until you NEED Plan B.


Get an intermediary set up and in place. Have this be a close friend of yours, and have that person start reading the Marriage Builders concepts - because the IM needs to understand their role in this and protect you if you need a Plan B.

But know this - not everyone needs a Plan B. There is history here that WS have come home with Plan A only. It happens.


Maybe you should take a risk - ask your husband if he would consider counseling. Tell him that you CAN forgive him for his affair, tell him that you understand your contributions to the state of the marriage PRIOR TO HIS AFFAIR (but do NOT take the blame for his affair), and tell him you believe the marriage can work through this.

See what he says. It might make him think about things a little differently - at this point, it could give him an option he is not considering.

SB

He came home early, we ate pizza and cleaned up around the house. He kept asking me if I had any more of his bills....I think he thinks I'm holding out on him, but I'm not. After dinner, I went outside to just be present and around him while he tooled around in the garage (not sure what he was doing) He pulled up a chair next to me and said, "What's on your mind?" I think I screwed up because i said, "Nothing, just enjoying the cool front that came in." We then proceded to talk about our daughter, his car and other family issues. I feel like he might have talked about "things" but I was afraid of the answer.

Then, like a bad rerun....he got in his car and said, "I'll be back in a sec" The biggest rock lay in the pit of my stomach at this comment. All I could think was, "Where is he going now" I kinda hoped that maybe he was going to smoke a cigarette....he usually does this in the front yard when no one is around, but I kept hanging around so much, he didn't get a chance. I hope he's not gone too long.

A good thing is that the lock box has the same combo as before, so I still have access. Maybe I can get it on there tonight.
My brother said he would be my go between when I go to plan B. He's real good at stuff like that...keeping things seperate and real.

He does know that he is only to pass on pertinent info right?

Like...

WH: Tell higgs she's a @$*& for keeping the kids on this day and not letting me have them this afternoon. Tell her I sent her @$&& support.

Your brother to you: WH says he sent the support.

Yes, I told him that he cannot communicate the garbage that he lets out. Also, someone told me that there's a link he could read about what the intermediary's role is in this whole thing.

He's been gone 35 min now....I'm counting down...this whole thing makes me sick.

higgs, here is the link for your brother. And if he has any questions, just tell him he can call me. Intermediary Training School

He came back in 45 minutes.....just came in and ate some dessert and now he just went to bed. I'm wondering about putting that voice recorder in his car as it is a standard....I'm wondering how much talking that he can do while trying to shift...I guess anything is possible. I use to know friends who could smoke a cigarette, eat a hamburger and shift gears all at the same time.LOL

I wish i could read his mind.

Tried to get in his computer...new password...big surprise there. Also, no keys to car in lockbox...I don't know where they are. I guess this is how it's going to be???

Higgs, is your name on the car title? If so, you can go to the dealership where you bought the car and ask them for the key code to the car. Make up a story...lost the keys, whatever. They can make you a key to the car; then, you'll have your own set, which might come in handy somewhere down the road.

Hi, no it's not on the title, but I have the vin number on the insurance card. He bought this used car through craig's list. I was able to pry the door open, but don't know what to use to get something in there to pop the lock. It's one of those locks that have to be pulled...hanger won't work....to flimsey. It's impossible. I can get in his truck, but he won't be driving that. I guess I oould put it in there for when he does drive it. Any other ideas for getting in?

I guess I'm bumping for more information on getting a key made.

You'll have a hard time getting a key made if it's got a computer chip in it. Many newer model cars have them now.

Do you know anyone like a mechanic who has a slim jim? Disclaimer: you've got to be careful with this - it could damage the car. A knowledgeable mechanic could use one to get in the car, though.

Ugh! If you don't know where the car was bought new, then you can't get the key code. Slim jims don't always work, though. I locked myself out of my vehicle one night and the cops said that their slim jim wouldn't work because the windows were made to be more burglar-proof.

Any chance of your being able to "borrow" the car to run errands and getting a key made while you're gone?

Higgs:

It is NOT critical that you get the VAR in the vehicle TODAY. It is only important that you DO.

He has changed the password on his computer, and is keeping his car keys somewhere else. That is all you need to know right now. He istrying to hide as much as possible from you.

You don't want him finding you at 2 pm in the morning while trying to velcro the VAR into his car. You will get a number of other chances. Heck, you can put it by the couch or bed he is sleeping on, for right now.

You have done alot of good things so far, so keep it up, but do not trapped by undue haste.

LG

I was able to get it in there this morning.....he had put the keys back in box and then took a shower. I was able to put in this morning. I also found out that he has no plans to go to the lake.