HLFH,

I don't know if you appreciate how powerful what Pep just said to really is. Life is really simple if you lead it in an open and honest manner. It really does solve the trust issue doesn't it? Lead an open and honest life and your W's trust will never be challenged because she can always check and never find anything.

Just remember there is a different between simple and easy.

God Bless,

JL

There's an added benefit for you, too. My FWH says it's a great feeling, to behave in a mature and trustworthy way. It makes him feel good. And you want that, as well, right?

I have not posted on this forum for a while.

My W and I have been receiving coaching from Steve Harley for the last couple of weeks and that's been so helpful.

We've been spending quite a lot of time together and have been having some long, insightful talks about my A and about our relationship through the years. We've been sharing good times together too. Recreational companionship.

Through the coaching and the exercises I've been doing, I understand so much more than I ever did before about how and why I started my A. I understand how it was a failure to protect myself and that my lack of boundaries allowed me to pursue my temptations. I'm continuing to identify my feelings and emotions during and after my A.

I've been sick and disgusted with myself about it for nine years and knew I would never allow myself to be in the position to make the same mistake again but it's been helpful to look back at the small steps I took that allowed myself to enter into a full blown sexual affair.

I am so thankful for the advice on this website, this forum and from Steve Harley.

I now fully understand how wrong that I handled the A after it was over. I didn't get it before. I thought all along that it was the right thing to do to protect my W from being hurt from the facts. I planned to take the secret to my grave to spare her from the hurt I caused.

I completely understand now that I should have told my wife the truth immediately.

I should have had NC back then. It would have prevented so many problems that have come up over the years.

I now realize how damaging it was to have me, my W and our kids around the OW.

My W and I have been putting pieces of the puzzle together and have realized that times we were around the OW were so hurtful because my W wasn't aware at the time how her sister's comments and actions were an invasion on her. I wasn't aware either. I feel terrible about it now.

As an example, her sister would encourage my W toward other men here and there. My W didn't realize then how much she was being manipulated. My W never shared this with me because she never knew I was part of the puzzle.

I wish so much that I would have not buried this part of my life and instead that I would of looked into help back then. I never spoke to a soul about it and I didn't read anything about affairs. I only knew I wouldn't let myself have another one and wouldn't even let myself have any private conversations with other women.

I know that I'll be telling friends to look into MB and that they need to be proactive to protect their marriages.

I know that we have a long way to go, but MB has been so great so far to help us begin our journey toward a healthier marriage.

Thank you.

Good words of wisdom.