No offense **but this isn't the time to beat around the bush** ALL the things you said to your WW shows that you do not understand the addictive nature of affairs.

Your WW is NOT YOUR WIFE right now. She is an addicted wayward who will say/do anything to keep the affair going.

Do you know any drug addicts or alcoholics? I do... and sitting there and telling them they need to stop the drugs/alcohol and why they need to stop does absolutely nothing. I repeat: She is an addicted wayward who will say/do anything to keep the affair going.

Helping them hit rock bottom (exposure), not enabling them, and having boundaries WILL however help you in this situation.

She has probably already talked to OM since you talked to her and they will probably take things further underground until they figure out the next step.

When you realize the A is not over and you are ready to expose, go back and look Turtlehead's post. Good luck...

"WS came home from bowling after 1 hour. She went upstairs to change and I went up there. She said she is President of the women�s league and cannot quit, it ends at the end of April."

There must be NC. The bowling police will not come an arrest her if she quits. She wants to bowl then the OM must quit. If he won't then it's time for her to resign.

League's have rules. They will just use what ever formula to factor in a missing players average. The league will survive.

Just an update as to where I am. Wife's father became ill with cancer right after my posts. He lived out of state by himself. We went to visit him and a few days after we had left he passed. So now I need to decide where I go from here. A few of my family members know and trying to offer advice. We basically have been co-existing and I have not had it in my heart to tell the kids. At this point since she has not made an attempt to talk to me about it or offer a sincere apology and ask for forgiveness, I think it is time to make some decisions. If one was to ask me now if I want to save the marriage, I would say no. The thought of her being with another man disgusts me. The fact that she shows no remorse makes it worse. I look at her and all I can see is an unfaithful !#%&H. She walks around here like nothing has happened. She apparently is going to her counselor, but when I asked about it she said pretty much nothing. Will check in again and give you updates. Just a side note...I see alot of abbreviations OM, NC, etc. I figure most of them out but is there a guide on the forum?

Is she still in her affair? If so, is there anything you would be willing to do stop it?

No, she indicates she is no longer in the affair. I have not seen anything that would make me think otherwise. ALTHOUGH I did see a phone call to an Apt. Complex nearby and that was the office. Could be she is calling to get prices if she wants to move out on her own. As stated before, we have three young kids and I own the home and I am the only one on the mortgage and deed. I do not have any plans on moving out or up rooting my kids. I plan on talking to her tonight to see where she is at. Any suggestions on how to approach this conversation? Thanks.

So, still no resolution. She didn't want to talk about anything because she was tired. I guess I ought to try Plan A. Part of me wants to save the marriage for the kids sake, my religous beliefs, etc. Another part is telling me I should move on. I just don't know how one can be physically with another when you know they have been with someone else. Especially after almost 21 years of marriage. :-(

It sounds to me like she is still in an affair. What kind of snooping have you been doing?

A couple things. Checking cell phone usage and the #'s. Nothing out of the ordinary has showed up. OM ex-wife called me and she told me he said to her "are you happy now, it is over between us" OM an his wife have a 14 year old child that they now share custody, so she does see her ex and communicates. OM's wife had showed me her investigators report when she was having her husband followed. They were meeting at a park in the AM before work. My only thought is to hire that investigator to follow her. She works all day and has access to make calls from her work line. I've been keeping pretty good tabs on her whereabouts. I did see a phone # to the office of a nearby apartment complex she called Saturday AM. I called there and it was the rental office. Maybe she was calling there to get rental rates. Not sure how to bring that up with her. I know the OM lives in a different apartment complex now.