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It would be easier to plan A stateside. I am sure the affair is over. She may even see you. And I don't think she won't see you because of anger. More like shame. She seems to be a bit of a drama queen, and may not be able to resist seeing you. She really can't take up with anyone else while you guys are still married. Just a thought.
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Max time I can stay here is until July 21st anyway. I'm about 90% sure that if I went back to the states in 10 days, and flew to AZ all I'd get is served divorce papers.
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Hey Gurka,
I can see positives from staying in A-Stan, and from going home.
Even if you go home, she will be at Ft. Huachuca and you'll be at Ft. Polk, right? So you most likely wouldn't be together anyway until she completes her OBC class. If she ends up getting booted out of the Army, then by all means, I would get home as fast as you can...
Do you think that your OPCON Cdr will allow you to say long enough to get a replacement for you? That would give you a little more time to dodge the Divorce papers, with the understanding that you wouldn't be stuck over here for the entire 6 months.
I do agree that it would be best if you could physically be together... but if you can't because of her OBC, then I'd stick around in A-Stan for a litte while longer...
Semper Fi,
RIF
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I bet she's stewing just waiting for you to get back so she can give you the papers. My advice (such as it is) is to wait.
And Plan A where you can.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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If I can dodge the papers until August 19th they'll "expire" and they'd have to be filed again. I'm thinking by then she'll have calmed down a lot, and my steady, positive contact may have given her reason to hope for us again.
I think she's almost definitely stewing. She hasn't responded to any emails. Hasn't even asked about the divorce papers she sent.
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Well of course not, she wants you to sign and send 'em back. Do you think you can last that long? Til August that is.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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I'm about 90% sure that if I went back to the states in 10 days, and flew to AZ all I'd get is served divorce papers. So you're saying there's a chance? ![[Linked Image from letterstorob.files.wordpress.com]](http://letterstorob.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/a_chance-jpeg.jpg)
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Well, she wrote back to my email from Monday:
I like how u got the message to stop putting money in my account but can't understand that I don't want to talk to you or hear from you EVER again
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
Is this something I should respond to?
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Well, she wrote back to my email from Monday:
I like how u got the message to stop putting money in my account but can't understand that I don't want to talk to you or hear from you EVER again
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
Is this something I should respond to? What do you think? Explain the not putting money in my account thing for me. Again, she says she never wants to talk to you again, yet she hasn't blocked you and still responds to you. That doesn't sound like someone who doesn't want to talk to you. Maybe something just happened with her investigation to provoke her to lash out at you right now. Just send something out again as planned later in the week. Only respond to your wife, not your wayward wife.
Last edited by jmwc95; 05/04/10 09:42 PM.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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...but can't understand that I don't want to talk to you or hear from you EVER again Right... so that's why she sent you this text. She doesn't want to hear from you EVER again!!! Seems like we've heard this before. I wouldn't reply becuase there really isn't anything you can say. She is obviously trying to bait you into a discussion. Wait a couple of days, then send her another "I'm doing fine" e-mail... Semper Fi, RIF
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Right. I wonder if she was stomping her feet when she wrote that email.
How does she expect to get any of her stuff from my house without ever talking to me again? Just seems like angry lashing out.
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Also, the not putting money in the account thing...
I've been putting $1000 in her account every month to help her pay off her credit cards. When the affair came out, she said she didn't want any more of my money. Despite the fact that her intent was to keep the affair a secret, not tell me about it until I returned to the states, and continue to take the money...
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I've been putting $1000 in her account every month to help her pay off her credit cards. When the affair came out, she said she didn't want any more of my money. Despite the fact that her intent was to keep the affair a secret, not tell me about it until I returned to the states, and continue to take the money... ...and even if she doesn't say so, you are making deposits in her love bank! Did you ever call the 337 number? Semper Fi, RIF
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Yes. It was a CPT that's here in Afghanistan, just calling to chat. Weird he has such a similar phone number to the OM. Small town I guess.
My friends seem to think that by sending these little positive emails that my wife will just get angrier and angrier and feel like I'm ignoring "the issues." And that she won't "miss me" if I stay in contact.
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Weird he has such a similar phone number to the OM. As you move down this road, you'll find all sorts of little reminders along the way... for me as a BH, these little 'triggers' were everywhere. For now, you're doing great with keeping your focus! My friends seem to think that by sending these little positive emails that my wife will just get angrier and angrier and feel like I'm ignoring "the issues." And that she won't "miss me" if I stay in contact. Yep, just about EVERYTHING about MB runs contrary to "conventional wisdom"... MB works! Are these friends familiar with MB? It's good to hear all sides, but you are executing a proven program... Semper Fi, RIF
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Respond by putting money in the account!
You are plan Aing her!!
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My friends seem to think that by sending these little positive emails that my wife will just get angrier and angrier and feel like I'm ignoring "the issues." And that she won't "miss me" if I stay in contact. Ask them which issues are you ignoring? The ones where she says she wants you to sign the D papers? Or the ones where she says she'll never talk to you again? How can you do anything else BUT ignore those? The money in the account is another matter though. That is an issue you shouldn't ignore.
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Respond by putting money in the account!
You are plan Aing her!! Umm... does anyone else think this is a good idea? Should I continue to give her $1000 a month?
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Why wouldn't you continue doing this, Gerk?
Plan A is about meeting as many of her ENs as you can. Financial security is an EN.
Especially to someone who may lose her job soon.
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I think I'd stop, because if not you are setting a precedent and the courts may continue to make you keep doing it...but that's just my idea.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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