I think it's a great analogy, PM! And yes, chances are high I won't get to see those sprouts. BUT, I think I can plant the seeds. And I think WH is still just confused enough that they will begin to grow. Especially once he's off with OW and she's the one complaining about his sloppy habits!

By the time I see him again, I hope they will be full grown plants. With flowers and new buds.

There. Day 1 of the last Plan A week completed. Was very nice, didn't bring up the A at all, went out of my way to create some nice family time when I got home from work, and made sure there was hot tea and a fire going when he got home this evening after taking the dog out in a rain/snow fall. Even had SF!

Feel kind of proud of myself, and also a little sad, thinking how this could be our last nice week together ever. Not looking forward to Plan B, I have to say. It'll be really lonely when he's gone.

Thumbs up for a job well done.

Yes....except that I ruined it this morning by asking him why he was being so snarly with me, and it turned into a 45 minute discussion.

He says he feels a clenching in his stomach whenever I approach him because he thinks I'm going to start an argument. He also said that he hopes life gives him love and family, and he doesn't WANT that with me - not that he can't see it happening, but he doesn't want it. And he thinks that I deserve to know absolutely nothing about his life or what he does with his time anymore because the last time he opened up to me I sent emails to OW H (which is true, but honestly I contacted him BEFORE WH decided he was going to be open and honest with me).

Does this still sound like fog talk or someone who is just done?

Oh NP, they are ALL "just done." Of course they are going to say those things. Wasn't he planning on moving YESTERDAY? It is more important to follow actions rather than words. If he was truly DONE, he would be GONE. What he did to you was tell you that he is NOT going to tell you when he is with OW anymore because OW is getting mad that you are calling her BH and she is yelling at your WH about it. She is probably saying things like, "Why did you have to tell your wife? Now she called my BH and he is giving me grief. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I am being watched and I don't like it. Fix it."

You need to learn how to reverse babble and babble back to him. Just stick to your plan. Write that Plan B letter yet? Get it posted so you can get some help with it.

If I had a dollar for every time AJ told me mid-A that he was done, I'd be a rich woman. Totally standard.

And him not *wanting* love and family with you? Just another tired variation on the old theme ILYBINILWY.

Hee hee, Scotty's fly-on-the-wall translation is word for word what is going on.

My suggestion? Don't ask him why he's being snarky. Just smile and know that he will be. Reverse babble is always fun.

WH: I feel a clenching in my stomach whenever you come near.
NP: Oh honey, I do too! Well, maybe not in my stomach.

WH: You don't deserve to know anything about my life.
NP: (smile and wink) Someday it'll be our life again. In the meantime, would you like a glass of juice?

WH: You tell OWH everything I told you.
NP: We both want to save our M's, and we'll be able to as soon as there are only two people in each R. Cupcake?

Thanks. I suck at reverse fogbabble, haha! These things never come to my mind when I'm actually IN the conversation, just after!

I am writing my Plan B letter TODAY. Will have it posted by the end of the day.

Just try to get some pocket responses then. I used "I believe in a marriage with only 2 people," or "I can not accpet a marriage where you have a girlfriend," A LOT. It works with a lot of different things and really throws them off. I think another reason why your WH gets a "clenching" feeling in his stomach is because he KNOWS he is wrong. He believes that you SHOULD be yelling and screaming at him. You SHOULD be angry. You are confusing him when you are calm. That is why you need to be calm. You need to confuse him.

Even SF?????

R U kidding???

You're pregnant, "due any time" as of May 31st (37 weeks) and you're exposing yourself and your soon to be born baby to potential STD's including HPV and HIV because your WH isn't in a monogamous relationship with you.

This isn't Plan A. It's Plan Crazy.

You don't know that MOW and her BH are monogamous with each other currently. You don't know that MOW is monogamous with your husband.

At the very least, you can expect that you had two other sexual partners with you when you SF'd with your WH. The MOW and her BH were there too!

Please, understand how serious the potential threat to your unborn baby is. Your WH could care less. But you are that baby's mother. Protect your child!

Tell your care providers your situation and get retested for std's at your next appt. Even if you used a condom, you aren't safe against HPV. If you've caught a strain of HPV from WH/MOW and give birth vaginally, you expose your baby directly to the HPV.

I would be more concerned about Herpes than HPV. Please do get yourself STD testing and INSIST on HIV and herpes testing as well the standard std's.

Good job on plan A. I am sure if felt good to be wanted by your WH, so I am not going to jump on you about the SF. Just please do protect your unborn baby.

I got tested twice, once before I knew about the affair and once after. And came up clean both times. So, I think the STD part is okay. After all he'd been sleeping with her for months.......

It DID feel good to be wanted by him. Missed the cuddling and kissing and "I love you" that used to be there after though......

Been lurking on your thread, and I know you're going through a really rough time. I can't imagine trying to handle infidelity while pregnant, but you need some major


So you got tested a while back and came up clean. How on EARTH can you know that POSOW ain't screwin' around on your WH behind his back. You just invited anyone else that may be messing with her right into your unborn child... so that you could 'feel good and be wanted'.

I know that SF is important, and you are plan Aing but there are ways to meet SF WITHOUT putting you and your CHILD at risk. You know what, you may be luck and wind up with nothing, but do you really want to take that risk? Might as well go down a keg and get behind the wheel - you have a chance you may get home safe and no one will get hurt.


You're willing to take THESE risks on the off chance skany-hola ain't banging another man?

I may be coming off a bit harsh - I support you I really do but all I can think about is the poor innocent life in your belly.

Wow. Well, I didn't say it was SMART to have SF. And yes, I probably do deserve those 2x4s. I can't help wanting to have SF, it's like it's the last thread of hope to win him back. BUT I know it's not smart.

I don't think POSOW is screwing around with anyone else though. They seemed to have professed their undying love for each other quite strongly.

But you're right, who knows. She IS a POS after all....

Start having him wear condoms. And if you want SF, well...there are ways around that.

My pregnancy hormones are all over the place too. I'm due the same week as you are.

I don't mean to get on your case. My care providers are part of a uni/medical school, so the demographic that gets treated is naturally the more difficult cases. I've heard some of their stories and it's sad and frightening.

And the poster that mentioned herpes is correct. A newborn can be born perfectly fine and be dead within hours from herpes exposure. :*(

Just be absolutely careful. Don't risk your baby. Your WH isn't worth that. You'd never forgive yourself if something bad happened to your child and all this MB work would be for nothing. You'd hate WH and hate yourself and the M would be irreparably damaged. kwim?

Jewel, you are absolutely right! I have a dr's appt on Thurs and I will be sure to bring up these concerns. And.....no more SF. At least not THAT.

And...thanks for the compliment about being sexy pregnant mama! lol My WH always tells me how attractive he finds me when I'm pregnant....AND, you're right!! I feel much better after thinking he doesn't love her enough to not SF with me! (Even though that might not have been your point haha).

Went to my IC appointment tonight. Left feeling pumped and excited about the future, whatever it holds. When I got home I was in a great mood and WH was in a crappy one. After a few minutes of talking to me his energy levels raised and he said my mood was contagious. Have to remember to keep this up!

Petals - I'm sorry I went off yesterday, I kept thinking about it last night and think I was out of line. I think you're doing a great job!

Please take care of yourself and your child - your WH will do NOTHING to protect that child and you're all the lil bean has.

Keep being that Sexy Mamma, keep that contagious good mood. Give him something SPECTACULAR to remember when you go plan B. You CAN do this.

Rock on! You're gonna go dark with a bang.

It's ok, Vibrissa! I admit I felt bad when I first read your post....but then I realized I probably deserved every word! I could never forgive myself or WH if anything happened to this child!!

Kept up the good mood this morning - I felt a bit sad when I woke up so I got out of bed, put on the happiest music I could think of (Beach Boys), and danced around with my 2 yr old until I felt happy again. Was very careful not to press WH for any details when he said he had plans for tomorrow evening with a "friend." ...it's easy enough to find out if it's OW or not! Gave him a big hug when I left and thanked him for sweeping the snow off my car (because yes, it's May and snowing here, disgustingly....)

I REALLY want to do a good Plan A now! And I think I'm finally doing it right!

Yes that was absolutely right!

He's likely to be even more up and down, because the better your Plan A the more conflicted he feels. The more conflicted he feels, the more anger erupts.

So if he does get angry, smile and dance around inside saying, "Oh yeah this is WORKING!!!" And if he doesn't get angry, smile and dance around inside enjoying every minute. It's still working.