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Neak's right! Congrats on a great Plan A! I woke up feeling a bit sad this morning too. Maybe I can learn from your mood. Here's to hoping a little rubs off on me. lol
Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
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Just texted WH to see if he had made any plans for Mother's Day. He texted back "When is it?" and hasn't replied since I told him it's Sunday.
Is it wrong of me to feel sad he didn't even care enough about the mother of his children to remember Mother's Day? I know even POSOW is being taken out by her husband that day.....
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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I feel, ya. When I asked BH yesterday if we should send our mothers flowers or something for Mother's Day he said, "I haven't given it much thought." Which makes me think he probably hasn't given me much thought either... 
Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
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WAYTURDS are too busy thinking about THEMSELVES. Did you see when I moved into Plan B? Hint it was my BIRTHDAY. WH came home a little early from work. He hadn't called me, sent me an ecard, NOTHING. WHY? Because I am not POSOW. Your DH would care. Your WH DOES NOT.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Yup. Expect nothing good, and you won't be disappointed. WS's just aren't capable of spontaneous good stuff. When they do something kind, look outside for a blue moon. 
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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So, WH is out for a walk with the dog. Was getting DD ready for bed and she was playing on his computer, so i went to get her off. Found divorce documents (from a website about "Divorce from the comfort of your home"  ) on his computer. Also from the History on the comp (couldn't help looking) I think that he's probably still communicating with OW and I suspect she sent him the link to the website.....because it wasn't in his search history..... I am so sad. I admit I was holding out hope. Do I ask him about it? Or just keep my mouth shut and keep going with plan A? He's going out tomorrow night and I'm alomst 100% sure he's meeting up with OW. I don't want to push the issue. But do I even mention I saw the divorce stuff?
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Posts: 336
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oh good gravy...... {{{{{{{{{NP}}}}}}}}}}}}
I think don't say a word... but I'd go with a vet's thoughts on it more than mine.
AnnaBelle Rose
Me: 29 WH:31 DS: 22mths M: almost 6 years, together 7 1/2
I am not a mistake. - ABR
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I brought it up because we happened to be looking at paint colours online. And the tab was still open on his internet.
But all I said was, "What's this?" and he said he'd just been reading about separation. I wanted to talk more about it but I made myself shut up.
I was doing really well today. Totally focussing on being in a happy mood. I'm just so tired of having my husband not love me anymore.
Last edited by NewPetals; 05/05/10 10:02 PM.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
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Glad you shut up, cuz I was gonna tell you no don't say anything. (You don't want him being extra cautious about his computer - harder to snoop that way.) Our helpful OW even printed out all the necessary forms for AJ, trying to graciously assist him along. Truly, even if he files it means nothing in the long run. And if he was the one in a hurry to file, he would have done it long since.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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I keep telling myself there are LOTS of things he would have done long since - moving out, filing, etc... But then I think, he's probably just cake eating. Having OW to text and talk to and dream about, and a wife that's killing herself being nice and pleasant to him at home.
I'm having one of those days when all I want to do is contact POSOW and call her every name under the sun for wrecking my marriage. I want to see her in person and tell her exactly what I think of her. And I want her to suffer, suffer, suffer over what she's done.
I won't though. And she won't care even if I did.
Last night I told WH he didn't have to go through with the separation, and he said, "YOU want me to go." So I replied, "Under certain circumstances, yes. What do YOU want to do?" And he sighed and said he didn't know.
But.....he dang well knows! He dang well knows he's still texting POSOW every day and probably making plans to go be with her as soon as he can - she's separating from her husband this week and has the kids the first week, but I'll bet come the next week suddenly WH will be very anxious to get out of our house.
We were talking this morning about this airline credit we had, from July, when we changed our honeymoon plans. We had always planned to take another trip together, but now we're going to have to use our tickets separately. I almost burst into tears right there and then but I waited until I was safely away from him.
Smiling hurts today.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Posts: 738
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I should also mention that a couple emails I found on his computer last night indicated that he was having a PA with her just before our wedding. Emails were exchanged DAYS before we got married.
I am feeling so sick over that, I don't know what to do.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Posts: 8,240
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What is your plan? When are you moving into Plan B?
This is about what YOU want, NOT on his timetable. YOU need to solidify your plan and move towards it.
So when are you "transitioning" to Plan B? Are you ready?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I am giving him his letter on Monday. Going to get through the weekend.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Posts: 8,240
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So he's packing up his stuff and going this weekend?
Are you going to pack his stuff if he doesn't? He may not you know.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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On Monday after I give him the letter I will ask him to leave for his mom's place. I will help him pack if necessary.....although he still has a suitcase full of clothes sitting on the floor from the last blowup he had when he said he was leaving for good right there and then.
Working on my Plan B letter right now.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Posts: 8,240
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Have you given any thought as to what your requirements will be for him to return home? There have been a few SHORT Plan Bs around here. You don't want to have a FR.
Do you have everything planned out? Your IM has been told what to do. You are planning on being dark as night right? What steps are you taking to ensure that?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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My Plan B Letter (Please comment!!!):
Dearest WH,
I am so sorry our marriage has come to this. I recognize my part in our relationship that created an environment where you felt it necessary to turn elsewhere to fulfill your emotional needs. I neglected you, was not supportive of your dreams, fought with you, made you feel uncherished, unrespected, and that we were not teammates in this marriage. Most of all, I apologize for not listening to you when you tried to tell me how you were feeling. I was not the wife or partner you needed me to be.
I have learned to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past, and am constantly working to find better ways to resolve conflict between us. I want to create a new life for both of us that meets both our needs and creates a loving home for our children. But we cannot do that until you end your relationship with POSOW once and for all, and commit to having her out of our lives completely.
Until then, I hope you will understand when I say that I cannot see you or talk to you anymore. IM has agreed to be our intermediary, and she will help in making it easy for you to see your children, as we discussed. Our only contact should be in the case of emergency about the children.
Please understand my decision to separate from you this way. It is not to punish you. I am sure you are aware of the suffering I have gone through over this affair, and I cannot continue to live with you any longer as long as you are also with her. I love you very much, but we cannot continue being under the same roof. I ask that until you are ready to commit to ending your relationship with POSOW and focus on our marriage and family, you leave our home.
I understand you have your concerns about our marriage outside of OW, with regards to my family. But I promise you I am working on those (even my IC says I am making progress) and whenever you choose to end relations with her, I will be ready to work with you as well on our marriage.
I look forward to the day when we can begin to rebuild our family and begin the rest of our lives together as a family. I want nothing more than to be your partner through life, and your best friend and confidante in all matters - you have always been mine. We can have a stronger marriage built on trust, love, honesty, and teamwork.
I loved you from the day I met you and I continue to love you right up to this moment. I hope for and look forward to a time when we can begin a new marriage with each other. I will be ready the minute you are.
Love,
NewPetals
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Posts: 8,240
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I understand you have your concerns about our marriage outside of OW, with regards to my family. But I promise you I am working on those (even my IC says I am making progress) and whenever you choose to end relations with her, I will be ready to work with you as well on our marriage. I would most definitely NOT put this in there. Other than that, I think it looks good.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Dearest WH,
I am so sorry our marriage has come to this. I recognize my part in our relationship that created an environment where you became vulnerable to another woman's attentions. it necessary to turn elsewhere to fulfill your emotional needs. I neglected you, was not supportive of your dreams, fought with you, made you feel uncherished, unrespected, and that we were not teammates in this marriage. Most of all, I apologize for not listening to you when you tried to tell me how you were feeling. I was not the wife or partner you needed me to be.
(No need to beat yourself up or hand him ammunition to use against you or to blame you for his affair!)
I have learned to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past, and am constantly working to find better ways to resolve conflict between us. I want to create a new life for both of us that meets both our needs and creates a loving home for our children. But we cannot do that until you end your relationship all contact with POSOW once and for all, and commit to having her out of our lives completely.
Until then, I hope you will understand when I say that I cannot see you or talk to you anymore. IM has agreed to be our intermediary, and she will help in making it easy for you to see your children, as we discussed. Our only contact should be in the case of emergency about the children.
Please understand my decision to separate from you this way. (No need to put the part about not punishing him in there..don't want to give him any ideas!) I am sure you are aware of the suffering I have gone through over this affair, and I cannot continueIt is too painful for me to live with you any longer as long as you are also with her. I love you very much, but we cannot continue being under the same roof and need to preserve that love so that I will still want to recover our marriage when you end your affair. I ask that until you are ready to commit to ending your relationship affair {Don't dignify adultery by calling it a relationship) with POSOW and focus on our marriage and family, you leave our home.
I understand you have your concerns about our marriage outside of OW, with regards to my family. But I promise you I am working on those (even my IC says I am making progress) and whenever you choose to end relations with her, I will be ready to work with you as well on our marriage. (Agree with Scotty about leaving this out.}
I look forward to the day when we can begin to rebuild our family and begin the rest of our lives together as a family. I want nothing more than to be your partner through life, and your best friend and confidante in all matters - you have always been mine. We can have a stronger marriage built on trust, love, honesty, and teamwork.
I loved you from the day I met you and I continue to love you right up to this moment. I hope for and look forward to a time when we can begin a new marriage with each other.
Love,
NewPetals I deleted a couple of other things. I think I'd also leave out the "once and for all" in the 2nd paragraph. I know that he's out of a job, but if he's drawing unemployment or has any savings, I think you should also put in a sentence that says you expect him to continue financial support.
Last edited by Lady_Clueless; 05/06/10 01:56 PM.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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Thanks Scotland and LC!
Should I give it to him tonight? Or wait until Monday? The only reason I selected Monday was that we have plans for tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday is Mother's Day.....
Just called him and his cell phone is off. He's not answering the house phone. $20 he's off with OW.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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