So I find out that the OW's mother, who has never met my children, gave them gifts for Easter? WTF is that all about and when talking to my WW she doesn't see that as wierd.

Torsade -

I would like to think that OW's mom doesn't realize that your wife is married. Or at least she thinks the two of you are separated because you were such a lousy husband. Usually the waywards spin the story.

was i wrong to write to her to tell her what is really going on? And question her whether this is the type of person she raised? And if so the apple certainly didnt fall far from the tree. I havent got a response back yet so I'm wondering what the real story is with the OW.

You need to expose this.
WW and OW are spreading their own story and their affair is becoming accepted.
You need to set the record straight. Everyone needs to know that WW is very much a married woman with a husband totally committed to making the marriage work.

So yestarday we< me and WW, met at a coofee shop. Didn't go well...she wanted to talk about kids and finances etc. I didn't understand why we were talking money when I have been paying everything all along and I don't even know if she wants to be together. She just kept saying that she doesn't know why i think she is making me out to be the [censored] husband. I said cause you are treating me like one. And she said how? I said you left me in a time when I needed you most, when I was ill, and now you are having an affair. She justified this by the fact that we were not living in the same home amicably! And she needed to do this to be honest with her feelings. i said why didn't she just go to a therapist and try and work things out? And then i said so is that all i had to do when feeling doubt in our relationship is move out and screw someone new and its ok cause we werent under the same roof? I qoute her "If u and I were living in an amicable relationship going to councilling and working on things and I was secretly seeing someone then that is an affair." So why is it I've never talked or seen this OW and my WW protects her when (hides her) when I do come around. Never lets me see her texts etc and was sneaking off to spend nights with her....

this is so hard to keep your cool I so wanted to reach across the table and slap her and say its wrong because we are married! instead i pounded on the table and said it and called her a lieing cheater...which the whole cafe heard then stormed out.

What Plan are you in? THis sounds a lot like plan FU. I'm just saying.

i want to be in plan A still as I'm not really sure she knows what she is doing or realizes what she might lose. It was the first time I had talked to her in a bit face to face and i still find myself deeply hurt by her. So perhaps like my inlaws keep my contact to a minimum unless in front of a therapist?

Have you read all of the info about basic concepts and love busters, etc? Angry Outbursts is NOT a part of Plan A. Especially if this was the first time in a while that you had seen your WW. You needed to be as calm as possible or walk away before showing your anger.

If you are going to MC/therapy together it is only going to harm the M.

Have you read the FREE info on this site?

I am sorry but MB isn't about being spoonfed the answers, you have to do some of the work yourself so you can correct any behaviours that are not good for ANY marriage.

So my WW has presented me with a letter from a lawyer that requires me to retain one for myself and set up a 4-way meeting regarding "issue of the family nature". she gave me this letter a week after it was written and it gives me a deadline to accomplish this, 9 days. So now I have to find a lawyer and feel comfortable with them, pay them and sort the "issues out". So much for her idea of trying to pay down bills and debt between us. She has also closed one of our joint accounts and switched it to another bank and therefore I have no access to the money which is what we used for gas and food (her paychecks) My pay checks payed for everything else...and i mean everything...insurances, mortgage, kids school...you name it i paid for it except for literally gas and food. The letter names the date of Feb 16th as the separation date...does this mean I have a D-Day now? I still don't know what to do. This is going to ruin everything as I will have to sell the house we reno'd which is the house I grew up in and always wanted to live in etc. the kids will be screwed up...and probably end up hating her, I will probably end up hating her...its starting to feel that way sometimes already...I can't stop crying about this whole sit. it seems so surreal...if you were to ask anyone from our school days who would be likely to still be together in 80 years they would all say me and WW. I can't believe this is happening...I sometimes wonder what next...all I have left to lose in life is my sister, kids and myself.

Im sorry I havent been on here much I don't know what to say sometimes and I feel like an idiot b/c ppl here are trying to help but I have such a tough time sticking to plan a as WW gets me talking and I'm still very upset about this whole thing as it has happened so fast and is so fresh in my life. I'm sorry if I don't stick to the plan and I frustrate ppl but I am trying and hurting so much ( i understand some of you know that from personal experience here). I just wish i would wake up from this horrible nightmare.

Who says so? Her lawyer? Unless a divorce has actually been filed and you've been LEGALLY served (or you live outside the USA), you don't have to do squat. When she asks why you're being uncooperative, your answer should be, I don't do divorce. Would you like a cookie dear?

Tor-You live in Canada and your WW can NOT file for a divorce, YET. She has to wait until Feb16, 2011. That really isn't the issue anyways. What is it that she has filed with the courts? Is it for a legal separation?

You should talk to a lawyer to get your own advice as to what you can and can not do.

I don't think she has filed anything its simply a letter from a lawyer stating to retain one for myself and contact her lawyer to set up a meeting. Yes I live in Ontario Canada so anyone with knowledge about this for my area I would appreciate it. I do have an appointment with a lawyer today to see what i do and don't have to do.

Would it be wrong to get my WW McDonalds coupons for mothers day from the kids? Is that too insensitive or thoughtless? Just kidding!!! I guess I'm off to my lawyer appt. and to get her something for Mother's Day!

let us know what the lawyer says.

Will do mildew!!

**edit**

Okay. Feel better?

What was that strange sound?? weird noise