NW

WW being cutoff from OM may get her through the fog.
Did you ever get a DNA test for your kid. Time of the affair makes one wonder. Proof of you not being the dad will make it hard for the WW to deny the affair.

TR - interesting thought - I was thinking more in the lines of some post partum hormonal imbalance when this started. Heck what do I know.

Hi Confused2010,
So good to hear from you. I'm glad you are here, this is the best place to be if you are interested in recovery, be it of your relationship or for yourself.

The last time we talked, you were on the way to get cell phone records. How did that turn out? If nothing surfaced then I would suspect that my WW bought him an "affair" phone.

Your BF tells you that he loves you and texts you when he is away and seems to be doing the things that would lead you to believe that he wants a relationship with you, Yet he moved out with his mother? Is this for your benefit?

I am in Plan B since my WW moved out on mother's day, I have had no contact with her and she has made no attempt to contact me. All our communication goes through my sister. I have no idea what WW is doing or acting so I cannot help you anymore in that regard. But I think you know the truth. You saw your BF's car that night when I told you where my WW was. You have your BF's phone records for Oct 09.

Start your own thread for the best advice for your situation, make a plan, control your relationship, be active, not reactive. What is your goal? To have your BF there for you and your kids in the morning and evening, while in the meantime having sex with my wife, as he is texting his love to you?

What is best for you and your family? Make a plan, follow it, and recover.....I hope to read your new thread soon.

I doubt that there is NC, it would have to be initiated by OM and I really don't see that.

No DNA test. None needed, OM is not white. I do not want to go there anyway, I am NW5's father, regardless of any test.

WW has not denied the A, she has admitted to oral sex. I have her on DAR saying there is more to it than that. OM has denied everything. His story is very weak but he seems to be sticking to his guns. OM told me that he has had NC w/WW since Jul 09, yet OMGF has phone records in Oct 09 that tell a different story.

I haven't thought about that. We married 3 weeks after NW5 was born, we dated for 4 years prior to that. One month after we married is when OMGF (confused2010) called me and asked me if I knew who the father of NW5 was. WW and OM had at least an EA prior to WW being prego and our marriage. Confused2010 saw that proof in work emails.

"One month after we married is when OMGF (confused2010) called me and asked me if I knew who the father of NW5 was."

All the reason to get a DNA test. Their are many mixed race that can pass for white and do.

DNA test will not make DD stop loving you.

Confused,

You haven't started your own thread, so I will write to you here.

Please do not be one of those women who has to have a man in her life regardless of the circumstances. You have little kids. They don't need the instability in their lives.

You deserve better than this. Set the emotions aside and think about what you would tell a friend in your shoes. Please don't stick with someone that has so little regard for you.

Put your kids first. Focus on them. You don't need a man in your life.

The day you come to accept that is one of the happiest days you can have. It also makes it ideal for a good man to come into your life. One that is happy to have you in it versus needing to have you in it.

NW, time heals. You're just a few weeks into this. It will take years to feel normal again, but the separation from the ex will help you move along.

Focus on your son. That is the number one thing for you to do.

TR,
You make a good point that I have been dodging. Maybe I am in denial. Maybe I am afraid that if I found out that I'm not NW5's bio father that I would look at him or treat him differently. I think I'm afraid too to relinquish that title to an AP, whoever that might be. Honestly, this thought scares the crap out of me.

htld,
Thank you for all you advice thus far. So far, time has healed. Since she left I have been a ease. Part of it is knowing that I did what I thought to be right during Plan A. Yes I made my fair share of mistakes and didn't expose like I would have done it now. But what is done is done. Time will tell..

But is it dead? How will I really know. He has only done everything to prove to me that it isn't him. NW Wife only says the same thing. Why are they protecting one another if they want to be together? Look at the lengths this has gone to. NW wife has moved out, my guy now is sleeping most nights at his mothers home.. What are we to do?

THank you so much for giving me advice! I need to hear it all.

None of this has played out how I thought. I am probably 95% emotionally detached from my ex at this point. He is very much a mamas boy. His mother and I are very close as well. She asked him to stay with her while we work this out. (I don't know why, but whatever mom says goes. It has always been this way and I;ve been fine with that. I love the fact that he respects and does so much for her. He would never disrespect his mother.) I have allowed him to be around my boys for their sake, not mine. He is claiming to want to earn my trust back, but that has nothing to do with my boys. He has kept his same routine with them, as if nothing has happened. Has breakfast with them, makes their lunch, puts them on bus, calls and text them still and tucks them in at night. Also still has continued his alone time on the weekends with them. I just don't want to take that from them at this point. Am I wrong for that? My only plan right now is to tell them what is really going on after school is out. I figured I would take them on vacation alone. My boys are extremely smart, my oldest has skipped a grade. .

Good morning MB,
I had a great weekend w/NW5! We planted some bushes in the front yard on saturday. NW5 had the hose and we had fun getting wet and watering the new bushes. Sunday we went to the zoo with my buddy from work and his 2yo D. NW5 really took to my buudy, it was so cute. I have NW5 for the next 2 days.

We have a set schedule w/NW5 right now. I have every Mon and Tues, WW has every Wed and Thurs, and we alternate every Fri-Sun. Question: Do women/mothers agree to 50/50 like this normaly? I take it as WW wants to be single and pursue her new lifestyle, and haveing NW5 around all the time would be a buzz-kill.

OMGF (Confused2010) is posting on the board now and has her own thread. Seeing her here and reading her thread has been difficult. It's almost like I went through D-Day all over again. It has also re-newed my HOPE. I don't know if that's good or bad.

I have been thinking alot about WW over the weekend. Been thinking about what recovery would look like if she de-foggifies. On one hand I want her back and I think that we could work throught this whole mess. On the other, Wow, that's a big mess! I don't know if I could ever get to the bottom of it and be able to live in what's left. I know it can be done as RIF is a stellar example.

Right now I would still be willing to work on recovery if WW were able to meet my conditions. I just don't know what to do. If OM truly has established NC, then should I come out of PB? Maybe be there before there is OM#2. As of now there has still been NC between me and WW.

This Plan B stuff sucks right now. I have this desire to send WW an email or something to let her know that I am still here and how I feel. I want to tell her that I miss her and go off on her at the same time. I can't stop thinking about what recovery would look like and how good our marriage might be. Last week I was content and just wanted to move on. A few things have happened since then that have me feeling this way, seeing OMGF, news w/the lawyer, and reading here.

My lawyer sent WW a petition for discovery, and a set of interrogtions last week. I liked what I saw on both. We are asking for all finacial records, phone logs, diaries, emails, about 35 differant requests in all. The interrogation questions are pretty spot on too. I also responded to her petition for D and temp relief. Reading all this I had lawyer draft up a cease and desist all contact order to OM otherwise we will file for AoA. I like the timing of the petition for discovery and the AoA going to OM, should be w/in a week of each other. I didn't assault this one but I think I'll do it now. I just need to make sure that I'm not doing this out of resentment.

I waffled on exposure and I am waffling on the AoA. Was I scared? Yes, but I have other reasons for not assaulting through the ambush also. I need/ed to make sure that I am doing this for the right reasons. What are my real motivations? Am I trying to be controlling? Am I doing this out of resentment? The answer is, I don't know for sure because I really don't know if I would want to be in this marriage. Does that make sense?

Hey NW,



You wouldn't go into combat and not use all of the weapons available to you would you? Your lawyer is one of your weapons in protecting you and NW5 from this frontal assault on your M by OM... if he recommends filing an AoA lawsuit, then by all means... USE IT!!!

Don't second guess your actions here NW! You didn't start this war... and you don't have to sit idly by while your WW and OM lob handgrenades at you and NW5. Keep the heat on both your WW and the OM and don't back down one inch until you reach your objective.



I don't think you're controlling. I don't think that you're resentful. I think that you are doing the best that you can to protect yourself and NW5 from your WW and OM as they try to destroy your family. Now, having said that, only you can decide if you still want your WW as part of the "family"...

No matter what your decision is, that I think you should continue to use any and all weapons at your disposal... then after the smoke clears, YOU can decide whether you want your WW to be part of the family.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Who cares? Your WW brought this on herself. At least exposing her to some consequences of her actions might make her think twice (only twice and she'll still probably do it) before doing this to the next guy. Personally, I think your WW is just a narcissistic, self-absorbed leach who was never marriage material. As much as I hate the fact you and NW5 are going through this pain right now, I'm glad your are hopefully freeing yourself from this abuser who was NEVER faithful to you from day one. I applaud your attempt to save your marriage through all this adversity, but I just hope that you learn from this to choose a more suitable partner in the future. You have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to apologize for.

Exactly. Right now I just feel like I'm using these weapons because I have them. I don't fell like I really care at this point. I think about how I miss her and then go right into everything that she has done and it discusts me. My heart isn't really in it at this point. I'm just in it for the ride, and we'll see where we're at in the end of this. Is this a resentful approach?

No. Don't worry about it anymore.

You're right! Who cares? So I should file the AoA to scare POSOM and drag this thing out to hurt her pocket book because the way they have treated me? I won't do that for those reasons.

I agree w/everything that you said about WW.

I'm saying do whatever YOU feel like doing with absolutely ZERO regard for POSOM or WstbxW. Your only considerations should be yourself and NW5, not those other two yahoos. Don't let them manipulate you into anything. Break free from your WW's abuse.

Thanks Jim.