Good job! The size of the reaction, be it large or small, will give you some idea of how serious the incident(s) was, and whether it might still be going on. If they're in contact at all, you'll know soon.

If all else fails, it is possible to do exposure while in PB. PB protects you from the ugliness of the fallout, and SH has recommended this to several of my friends who counseled with him directly.

IMO that's a last resort, if your $LB is almost dry and you, your family, and we still haven't located the OW. So just keep a close eye on your LB balance, and let us know if it's close to the red.

Keep up your great Plan A, too. No matter how short it is, it needs to be good up to the last second.

Hugs!

Well...I've been gone for quite awhile. After lots of attempts to find out OW, I still have been unsuccessful. I will know soon enough because even though he asked for the D, he kept coming up with reasons to not file. If I was going to get DD and DS in a good place about the situation, I filed for the D. I hand delivered the papers to him at the fire station myself and felt quite good about confronting him. When he asked what I was giving him, I said I was giving him what he wanted. He looked defeated.

It has been very ugly and there have been lots of angry outbursts from him during this process and the fact that he has been required to hand over the garage door opener, keys, etc. and vacate and not enter my house any more. He is not communicating about anything with me and showing up at my house any time he wants to.

I have been having to file contempt charges on him in the first 30 days since the prelim agreement has been signed because he can't follow simple directions of contacting me before doing things and communicating about anything. He (and possibly his attny) are constantly lying and hiding things. We are having to subpoena everything. I have uncovered a probably SA because of spending an average of $200 a month on internet cheating, pornography, hotel rooms, strip club ($500 in one night at a strip club followed by another $300 shortly there after), etc. Probably the hardest thing to digest was the hotel bill last Christmas eve and then knowing that he sat in church with us, had family christmas, and my family christmas the same day he checked out of the hotel that morning and using volunteering at the fire station as his excuse.

Fighting tooth and nail to protect DD and DS from his negative influence as much as possible. Trying to figure out how to identify who IP addresses belong to that are connected to him (or someone on his behalf) breaking into my private bank account. Anyone know how to identify the owners names of IP addresses???

Oh...I also have proof that he has called more internet Escorts with her in a month and a half time period that he did when he was with me. I have proof that he gets things waxed at $125 a visit (but tells DS and DD that he has no money to take them places). And my attny and I have enough proof that he is hiding money and not forthcoming with all income because he stated that it did not snow at all last year and he did not have any income from snow plowing.

I will provide OW with the proof of the escorts, etc. when the D is final so that she knows what she is getting before she is introduced to my DD and DS because he could care less. He is using her to pay all his living expenses right now.

So many provable lies to put in front of a judge. Just putting it out in front of MIL and FIL along with OW and Brothers at the fire station will be enjoyable.

Oh...his truck was broken into and all of his mowing equipment, tools, etc. were stolen from where he was living. TWICE!!!! His transmission went out in his truck and is sounding like it is going out again since he did not get it fixed correctly the first time. He is going to put a plow on it for this winter. I hope there is just enough snowfall to burn out the motor/transmission in the truck!!

(((((PFM2)))))

I was wondering what had happened to you. I am sorry that things have turned out the way that they have. It IS nice to see that the Karma bus is not long coming in your case.

Have you given any thought in going to Plan B/D? Just for your own peace of mind. Again, I am sorry.

I need to review the information on what that is. I just felt that since he was insistant on this, I needed to move forward with my life in some way for my sanity and DS and DD. The instability is not healthy for them.

I'm not happy about the situation, but with everything that I am continually finding out that he has been doing/done/currently doing, I am glad that he is gone. The things he has done are scary to my health and the addiction will never go away without treatment. DS suffers a lot of anger at whatever I now call WH since we are not D yet.

I find that I HATE trying to go out and socialize with others. I don't know where to find people to socialize with and am only looking for friends (don't care male or female), but definitely nothing else. After the D support group meeting that I had last week, I realize that a big portion of problems that I am fighting is my beliefs that M is for life and that ever thinking about or if ever I would find someone else, I would feel religiously like I was having an A even once the D is over. My belief is that two become one. I know it's over and DO NOT want him back because of things I have found, but it goes against all my beliefs.

Pretty much what I am suggesting for you is that you would go completely no contact with your WH. Have IMs set up to pass and filter messages between you and him. It will take a lot less toll on you emotionally. You could start to heal without the abuse of the affair.

The thing he does that send me the most over the edge is trying to be nice to me as if nothing has happened and I am supposed to act the just the same as if nothing has happened as well. I just talk short with as few words as possible to him (and small words because as my attny has found out, he doesn't understand big words like beginning and conclusion for transportation purposes). I rarely, if ever, even look at him and that is about all.

The A doesn't bother me too much because she is not allowed to be exposed or around DS and DD as well as any other female friend that he might have because it is in our prelim. Just knowing the that OW has to move out of her home sat/sun one week and fri/sat (til 8pm one time he has that and til 2pm the next time he has them on fri/sat) and the following weekend she doesn't hav to, but he works on sat that weekend gives me some enjoyment. Knowing that I will be able to hand her a letter with all the adds for the escorts that he has contacted since being with her makes it a little easier to ignore A. They just started leasing a house together. If the final hearing actually takes place 1/12/11 like it is scheduled (but he has a whole lot of info to give to me immediately or I will file for a continuance), I will get to do that really soon and they will still have a long lease left on that place.

After finding out the things that I have found out, the A doesn't really hurt right now. I am full of anger and fight. Maybe when all is said and done and I have exposed him to her, the A will start to bother me again, but not now.

There are 10005 ways to find out who she is. I will list some.

1. Hire a PI to find this out
2. Send the kids over his house with a GPS tracker device
3. Wait outside her house till she comes out.
4. Get someone to impersonate a landlord and get a reference on her
5. Ask your husband's friends and co workers
6. Find out where they go out to eat or drink and ask around there


I could give you hundreds of other ways to find out but it seems like you do not want to know all that badly. Otherwise you could have found this out.

I'll know who she is soon enough. Exposure right now will be more important after the D because right now he has to show that he is splitting expenses with her and I am pretty sure that things won't last long once she finds out about the internet escorts before she kicks him out or walks out on him.

I have an IP address that I am 99.999999999% sure that it is OW's. I am going to take a police officer over to the internet provider like I was told that I should do by the provider to get the name of who it belongs to as long as WH didn't put it under his name. I have tried many things over these months with no success. Right now, it is more important to move my life forward because I'll know soon enough and will do major exposure after the divorce is final. I want decisions made based on him sharing expenses or OW paying the majority of the expenses, not WH expenses on his own.

I have lots of ways to hurt WH enough now and am trying to get him to follow the rules of our prelim. My parents did actually see her one time when driving past WH&OW's house. OW doesn't look a whole lot different than I do per what they said. WH&OW were out walking the dogs so my parents didn't stare directly at OW, but saw enough to see OW was about my heighth, build, and didn't look like a barbie doll. Wait til OW finds out about his actions even as recently as a week and a half ago (since they bought/renting their new place).

If you are going to go on with Plan D, you have every right and I am not going to try to talk you out of it at all. Why would you want to wait to expose this until after the D? Have you told your children about the affair yet?

I understand you're anger. You don't want to become one of those people who are just out for revenge. You need to do what is right and do it in the right way.

I would say that what you should do is find out who OW is, expose to EVERYONE in one day. Let them know that your WH and OW are having an affair. Then go to Plan B.

Oh yes...the kids were told about the affair the day they were told about the D because I insisted on it. WH is living with OW and they have seen her stuff and her animals. I told WH that they needed to know so that no one else accidently saw him and OW out together and say something to the kids. WH disagreed (no duh!) and IC did not agree about telling the kids, but I insisted. I was tired of kids being upset and blaming me and telling me that I was a failure. WH needed to man-up and admit that OW was more important to him than his family.

As far as waiting til after the D, if she kicks him out now or moves out herself, WH would be able to change his financial information to say he has more (or actual since she has been paying everything thus far) to try to get more of the financial stuff or reduce any $$ that he has to give me. Whereas, if I expose after D, he is pretty much screwed because the D is over and he'll just have to come up with $$ however/where ever he can and find a small little place/apt of his own.

I have been composing my letter to OW and all that I plan to expose to right after D is finalized. Just waiting for the right moment so I get as much as possible and WH and OW get screwed!!!

Do you mean what he would have to pay to you in a D or what he would have to pay for CS? I don't know how it works where you live but I know that here, it is a fluid type of thing. Even after a D, if the spouse paying CS has to pay a certain amount, it can be changed due to their income. It works both ways. It is done on a year to year basis.

I know that you want WH to pay for what he has done for you, I get that. Just don't let it change who you are. It's great to be stronger and the anger sure does strengthen us, I just want to make sure you are taking care of yourself too.

Believe me, I will be watching your posts and when the karma bus runs over WH and OW, I will celebrate with everyone else. It's nice when they get what they deserve.

What he would have to pay me or how the asset/debt stuff all get figured out. I know that CS is based on income. More than likely his income would go up because he would have to work more to make money to live off of, but considering he is out buying snowplows, new mowers, trailers, etc., I think OW is giving WH a lot of money. OW would probably then go after WH to get money back for that stuff or get to keep that stuff herself. Just make WH have to give someone else some money too!!

It's not changing who I am. I have always been a thinker, planner, and a little passive-aggressive when getting even for someone screwing me over. I don't react out of anger, I plan out of anger. How to best hurt OW and WH without hurting myself.

Okay, I was wondering. Like I said, just looking out for you, but I totally understand.

So, how have you been? How is work going? Are you doing fun things with the kiddos? I started a family games night and a movie night. We need to make memories for them.

I successfully finished my student teaching at the beginning of May and got all the assignments completed. Struggling actually applying for my license because it's hard not to link he leaving to me starting student teaching and doing something to improve myself. I have not found a teaching position yet, but am working with my music therapy job still and trying to increase my caseload.

How have I been...up and down. I struggle a lot with sadness, anger, stress, etc. about the big D, but after finding out all the things that I have, I know my life will end up, well, at least not worse without him. I will probably be very lonely most of my life and can never imagine living my life with another person, but know that WH has truly gone mental and I did not make the choice for this to happen.

I have actually gotten the kids into lots of activities (free ones to boot!) through church such as DS plays tuba in the brass ensemble at church, attends confirmation classes, youth group, etc. along with finishes fall baseball tomorrow. He is volunteering at a haunted trail over the next few weekends. DD is in dance, cheerleading, chime choir at church, Brownies, etc. Both DS and I are attending a divorce care class and DD keeps saying she wants to go, but it interferes with her dance class. I told her that I would take the class again so that she can go on a different night. DS auditioned and made the jazz band at his school and is also joining pep band. They are hard to keep up with.

Staying busy with positive things and trying to get both kids active in church and community activities which they never did a lot of before. So glad to see DS blossom in jr high, such a hard age to go through. He is getting all A's and B's on his report card this 9 weeks. DD (2nd grade) is getting straight A's. Trying to make some fun positive memories for them. Really hard on the days that I am sad and missing what I thought was a good marriage.

We had to find a new church because ours closed down in the midst of all this mess. Started attend the church where WH and I actually got married. Usually attend services on the other end of the building, but with DS playing in the brass ensemble, actually had to sit through a service in that sanctuary. Hard when you don't know too many people and you can't look to the front of the church. They are playing two services tomorrow in that sanctuary and I will be struggling sitting through them, but will do and try to make that sanctuary be a memory for DS playing tuba instead of the other.

Cleaning out stuff and pitching things that were his. Ran across a card that he gave me for valentine's day when I was pregnant with DS and a card my M sent to him after he came down to ask for my hand in marriage. It talked about how they knew he would always protect me and what a wonderful person he was. Well...he fooled them didn't he!

Oh well...going to end on a positive note hear and get to bed so I can get up early to hear my wonderful DS play tuba and see him enjoying all his accomplishments. Hoping his team wins the baseball game and goes to the finals on Monday and share in the celebration of DD cheer party where they will receive awards for a successful season even though their football team only won two games all season. LOL!! They all had fun and so did I (except all the cold, rainy games that I sat through)!! Gonna make it a fabulous Sunday with the kids and ignore WH when he shows up at DS game.

WH brought OW to DS's baseball game yesterday even though it specifically says in our prelim that WH cannot have ANY FEMALE FRIENDS around the kids!!!! I know, because I know her car and the license plate (which, fyi, I have someone running the plate number in order to get OW's name). WH doesn't know that I know OW's car and plate number. Happened to see OW's car and got plate number when OW was stupid and forgot to close the garage door when I drove by. I unfortunately did not get to see her, but my D did get to see her and told me that, other than the blonde hair, she looks a whole heck of a lot like me. WH is a complete idiot and my attny has all ready been alerted to the problem. Hopefully, we have some legal maneuvers that we can do to keep that #%*@$ away from my kids and me!!! Hopefully a long term restraining order or something!!!

Once I found out her car was there (had to leave DS's game early because DD has her cheer party/celebration for the end of the season, totally ruined the entire rest of the evening and I was sooooooooooooo angry!!!! Any advice greatly appreciated!

DS's baseball team WON the championship!!!!!!!!

WOOOHOOOO DS TEAM.

Let your atty handle it. You don't need the extra drama. It was bad of him, and expect him to be bad so you aren't disappointed. Let someone else do the dirty work for you.

My attny is making good money off this D since WH continues to do stupid garbage to make me have to contact my attny. I have to say that I am proud how I handled WH at the game tonight because there were no bleachers for him to hide out in clear on the other side of the field because, of course, he would not want to be seen or noticed (like I now see he has always done) and so WH was forced to sit at the picnic tables right behind my parents, myself, and several of my neighbors that came out to support DS at his baseball game.

I did not look at him, talk to or around him, or have any contact with him at all the entire time before/during/after the game. I walked by WH several times to go do things, talk to DS when he called to me (and me only), and to get some things for one of the neighbors kids. I did not make eye contact with him or look at the ground or up in the air when walking by. I walked looking straight ahead as I passed by him. DD was cheering very loudly in front of WH's face the entire night (LOL!!!!! ). It was hysterical because it was annoying to me and she kept coming up to me and asking me for more cheers to do for him.

When DS got his trophey, my entire family was out on the field and he was standing outside the fencing. WH did not even touch the trophy when DS showed it to him until my M told him to let her see it. WH then ripped the trophy out of his hands to see it out of spite! When we were leaving, WH had parked his truck next to my van and he was looking right at me (I could feel the glare through the back of my head) while I was opening the door to my van and getting in. He said "See you guys later!" Only DS made any reply at all only to say "See you on Sunday." WH all ready had a conflict with his parenting time because he has a conflict on Saturday. Had kids not had activities, he thought that he was going to send them to a sitter. Guidelines state that he HAS to offer them back to me or my family BEFORE getting to hire a sitter. CAUGHT AGAIN DOING WRONG!!!!!!