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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm awake and alive to see another day with my children. It seems that each day is soooo long. I was praying this morning for God to intervene and save my marriage.....to show my husband what is true and right.
Everything feels so lost....mornings seem to be the hardest for me....feelings of hopelessness. I have to force myself to wash laundry, clean, do homework with the kids, and I'm so tired of thinking about everything. I wish I could go to sleep until it was all over.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Have you given any thought to taking anti D meds? You may need them. A lot of people do in this sitch. There is no shame in it at all.
That being said, these feelings are completely normal. When you go into Plan B, you will go through a withdrawal and then through the stages of grief. This is like someone has died. I think of it more as grieving over a marriage that has died. You see, either way, the marriage you had before, it's gone. If you get the chance to recover, you will build a BETTER marriage. Now doesn't that sound GRAND?
You can do this. You have done some of the hardest work already. You are going along your path. You are doing what's right. You can do this.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Yes, you are going thru withdrawal.
I have been in plan B for 8 months now but see WH at school. However, in the past 12 days I put my heart to it and have not seen him at all. I am now going thru real withdrawal and it also has physical symptoms such as ackes and pains all over the body.
You do not want him back as he is anyway. He will have to make a serious commitment to the M in order for you to believe him and take him back.
Can you say, in all honesty, that in the last 10 years you had a wonderful M or where you always walking on egg shells?
So far I did it without medications but I do not have small kids...
Blessing
atena
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There was no wonderful marriage, but neither of us were making much of an effort....I love him though and would love for us to make it work....I would be willing to do whatever to make our marriage what it should be.
He just called me and said "hey" like we are just big pals or someting. He then said, "I just can't keep doing this; I have no money and my car is falling apart....I will come home and then take them to the lake this weekend....or you can go somewhere for the weekend." Then he said, "I'll see you after school." I just hung up without saying anything. I'm sorry; I have no sympathy for his situation. It's going to be hard to look at him everyday.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I'm probably going to call today about something for anxiety. I do pretty well, but have lots of drops periodically through the day. I fear bitterness and being cold-hearted. I hope one day that I will return to the girl I once knew.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I am not sure I understand well....does that mean he is coming home and you will have to leave to go elsewhere while he is home because his car is broke and he can't take it any more???
In your place I would tell him that if he can't take it anymore and his car is broken it is only his problem.
I would not accommodate his needs!!
blessing
atena
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He just went off for the weekend to the lake. Last week he told her he wouldn't move. So today she is going down to her attorney to file for divorce and get him out of there.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yeah he's telling me that he can 't stay away because of $$$$$ and his car. He was saying that he could take the kids this weekend or I could go do something if I don't want him around. I'm filing today.....appt at 4:00.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Talk to the lawyer about leaving even for a weekend. I know you don't want to be there with him around so find out legally what would happen if you left for the weekend.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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Ok, sorry to confuse, but I changed my name from Higgs4 to hope_eternal...it was recommended that I do this...just in case. I'm also playing around with my signature. I'll try to add more information on that later. Good stuff, hope_eternal, and most likely a wise move. Funny, when I read the first post you wrote using the name "hope_eternal" I automatically thought that someone swooped in and hijacked your thread, lol. Glad to know I was simply mistaken. Talk to the lawyer about leaving even for a weekend. I know you don't want to be there with him around so find out legally what would happen if you left for the weekend. That is a great point, MF, and most especially because it was WH's suggestion (for hope_eternal) to maybe leave for the weekend. Who knows what WH's thinking process is, this suggestion of his could just be another one of his "tactics" and something he is hoping hope_eternal does for REASONS OF HIS OWN. I totally agree with you, it's better to be safe then sorry! He just called me and said "hey" like we are just big pals or someting. He then said, "I just can't keep doing this; I have no money and my car is falling apart....I will come home and then take them to the lake this weekend....or you can go somewhere for the weekend." Then he said, "I'll see you after school." I just hung up without saying anything. I'm sorry; I have no sympathy for his situation. It's going to be hard to look at him everyday. Ironic how your WH always seems to connect with you whenever "HE" needs something, isn't is, hope_eternal? "I, I, I, MY"...where is the "you" in this whole equation? Be careful not to let him take advantage of you, hope_eternal, he's done more than enough of that already. Good luck at the lawyers, I wish nothing but the best for you...you deserve it! (((HUGS)))
Married DH May 5, 1990
DH45 - ME43 - DD18 - DD15
Thanx to MB my M is now back on track and better than ever. MB ROCKS!!!
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Erica Jong
1942-, American Author
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HopeE, don't let your lawyer talk you out of filing on grounds for adultery. If you have to let him know that you're basically filing to get temporary orders on file ASAP for your protection and that you really have no intention of seeing this divorce through. That will give him a clue on how to handle your file. You can tell him that you want to file on grounds of adultery as a strategic move so that you'll be able to call OW as a witness if necessary to put more heat on their affair.
If he starts talking mediation tell him you are NOT interested. However, in Texas the Judge may order mediation and if that happens you won't be able to avoid it. It's important to get the message across to your attorney that you want to delay, delay, delay.
Make yourself some notes before you go in so all his legalease won't throw you off track. Take notes!
Come back and let us know how it went.
(((HopeE)))
Last edited by princessmeggy; 05/10/10 03:02 PM. Reason: typo
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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hope, please, please listen to PM!! She works in the legal field in YOUR AREA and knows what she is talking about.
PM, I am getting on a plane to Big D in an hour and will not be back online til late tonight because of meetings, dinners, so can you please check on her and keep her focused?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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PM, I did explain to her that her atty will try to get her to take the easiest, softest way so her job will be easier. I told her that she is to tell the atty how she wants this done.
And hope, Dr Harley is very much AGAINST mediation. So if that comes up, tell her NO!!
"I recommend that you not agree to mediation. It will make you sick, because they will discount the effect his affair is having on his judgment."
Best wishes
Willard F. Harley, Jr.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Will do Mel, you're coming to my town! If you weren't so busy maybe we coulda hooked up. Maybe next time.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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HE-You can do this. You have some heavy hitters on your side. You have done so well so far.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Will do Mel, you're coming to my town! If you weren't so busy maybe we coulda hooked up. Maybe next time. For sure!! They have us booked up with a dinner tonight, meetings tomorrow and then back home tomorrow night. Next time, lets get together for dinner!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She is sitting in the attorney's waiting room as we speak. Please say a prayer for our friend.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm still waiting, but I took notes on what princess said and got all my info ready. I'm scared but I feel that I'm doing the right thing. I'm starting to feel bitterness resentment.....wanting to lash out instead of cry. I'm trying to remain calm, but not easy.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Posts: 6,986
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You ARE doing the right thing. You can do this!
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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