Are you on your way home yet?

You CAN do this. If you want to save you marriage, you must follow all of the above advice. We are pulling for you.

You will be amazed at how much better you will feel after taking some action.

X2

Don't make a decision right now about ENDING your M. You came here for help SAVING your M. We are TRYING to HELP YOU. HELP US HELP YOU.

Your wife has been taken over by an alien. She is NOT the person who you fell in love with. She is a WAYWARD. She is from outer space. You won't understand her. We are the interpreters with the help of DrH. We understand you. We are here for you. Now Pull on those big boy pants and TRY TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE.

I tried today, and she just walked out without a destination! I dont know what will happen now. Plus, I noticed that she has bought her tockets to Sydney for the 1st of June!!! Such is live in my household.

Please please say a prayer for me.

Dear TandC. Thank you so very much for your support: I tried to move back in today: and she just left the house. Plus she is leaving for Sydney to see him on the 1 st of June.

Please say a prayer... Thank you

Hello all. How long does such affairs last?

Given how little resistance you faced, it sounds like you shouldn't have much of a problem moving back home!

TB

Hello all. How long does such affairs last?

Mac, your WW's adulterous affair will last as long as it can be carried on in relative secrecy. That's part of the allure of an affair, that it's a secret. You, and only you, can eliminate that aspect of it. WITH EXPOSURE.

I would put together a massive nuclear exposure plan ASAP. Read about exposure on this site. If she goes to Australia, it will become exponentially more difficult for you to save your marriage. You need to try to disrupt that trip. Exposure may help.


Man, talk about an in-your-face affair...


~opt

Mac:

You cannot rebuild the marriage if you're living apart. Stay in the house.

Plan A is not a joint decision, it is YOUR decision.

Take her passport. It may seem childish but if you are in a fight for your marriage, anything goes.

Not as long as if you do what people here are telling you to do.... expose, Plan A.

No need to thank me, Mac, but you are welcome all the same. :-)

I guarantee some of the advice you are going to hear is something you don't want to hear but, on the flip side of the coin, I also guarantee that it will be the best advice you will ever get and it will also give you the best chance of saving your marriage. Prepare yourself, though, some of the advice you get will have you thinking "these people are nuts/no way will this work/what a crock of $hit," etc but, once again, it "IS" the best advice you will ever get, even if at times it may seem "counter-productive" (many of us felt/feel the same way when we first get started here but, sure enough, once we "really" start taking advantage of the advice given, it is not long after that that "our eyes are finally opened" and we see things in a whole new light; "oh yeah, now I see why "this and/or and that" works!" However, as well as the plans may work, the longer you take to put any into ACTION the longer it takes and the harder it becomes to see any results (if, by that time, there is even any chance left for success). In otherwords, the sooner you put a plan into action, the better! Don't wait, hon, get to putting Plan A into action NOW (don't be frightened to do so, it is what you HAVE to do or you can basically already kiss your marriage goodbye for good). I know you want to try to save your marriage, it is obvious from reading your words, please listen and DO as we say. Yep, it is going to suck (that's a given) but there is an end to all the "suckiness" and the sooner you get things done with the sooner you'll see it...disappear.

Tried? What do you mean by "tried?" Are you in the house now or did you leave again? You don't need to try, Mac, you just have to DO IT!

That's okay, you don't need her to help you unpack and get settled in, that is something you can do without her by your side. Heck, probably even easier if she's not there, anyway, you won't have to put up with her hanging over your shoulders while you do what you have to do.

Well, I'm reading between the lines here, Mac, and I have to tell you that one doesn't need to be a rocket scientist to know what it is you are "really" asking. What you really want to know is "how long do I have to PUT UP WITH my W cheating on me because I would rather have this affair dissolve on its own instead of go through the pain/hardship of fighting it head-on myself?"

You, my friend, are hoping that this A "takes care of itself" so that you, yourself, don't have to do the hard work of taking care of it on your own, am I correct?

Mac, now is the time for you to STAND UP AND TAKE ACTION!

Remember what I said in one of my earlier posts to you; words alone will not save your marriage, you have to take action to so much as even stand a chance.

Sounds harsh, I know, but it is also very true.

By sitting back and just [hoping for/waiting for] your W's affair to dissapate, you are doing nothing more than letting her walk all over you like the doormat YOU said you were no longer willing to be. Sorry, Mac, but you ARE being her doormat right now and, even worse, you are ALLOWING yourself to be one. Put yourself in your W's shoes; "what do you think SHE sees you as right now?" You are allowing her to continue this affair "smack-dab" in front of you and you are not sincerely trying to do anything to even stop it. No way is she going to see you as a big, strong, husbandly-type of man when you simply allow her to treat you like such garbage. She is going to see you as needy, weak and pathetic (and, needless to say, not exactly husband material). If you want her to see you for the MAN you really are...you have to SHOW her the man you really are.

Bite the bullet, Mac, and put Plan A into action IMMEDIATELY. We've already told you it will be scary" so, yes, it will be a bumpy ride but, then again, isn't it a scary, bumpy ride sitting back "WATCHING" your W fall deeper and deeper into the arms (and heart) of another man??? Straight up, Mac, the longer you wait to actually "DO" something about this the worse it is going to get. And, if you wait to long, consider the fact that by then it may be too late to do anything about it at all. Are you ready to give up, or do you sincerely want to do everything you can to try and save your marriage?

If your answer is the latter, let us know so that we can help get you going with Plan A, we are here to help you and we will help you in every way we possibly can.

1) Get back into the house and STAY IN IT!

2) If you haven't opened a Facebook account yet, get to it. Once you have your account set up, we will explain everything you need to know and tell you how to go about doing what you need to do (and if you need help with the actual exposure part, just ask, we are here to help you in that area, too).

3) Do whatever you can to stop your W from making that trip she has planned. If that means "hiding" her passport/plane tickets/whatever...do it. You don't have to tell her you hid anything, you can just play dumb and act like you are clueless as to where it/they may be.

4) You say her trip is planned for June 1st? Okay, that just confirms that you have to "get on the ball" all that much quicker. No procrasting, Mac, let's get you going on Plan A "right now" and let's get that A of hers exposed immediately. You already know it's going to be hard and that she will be majorally freaked out once it's done but, believe you me, if you don't do it now...good luck getting it done!

5) Listen to what you are being told here and do what you are being told to do. Don't forget, some of the advice you get will likely frighten you, make you angry, etc but, once again, IT IS THE BEST ADVICE YOU WILL GET so you may as well take it.

Any more questions, Mac, fire away, but keep in mind not to "put off until tomorrow what you can do today."

I dont have the strength, or the stamina or the desire to do this anymore. I have helped this woman out so many times in the past, and tried to be a good husband, but she does not value me. The last 3 months has been tortuous, and I dont want to do this anymore.
I bid good bye. I've put Plan B into action. She wants a separation: and she promised to send me the separation agreement over the weekend, but she has not sent me anything yet.

I need to move on, I need to find peace. This is the worst kind of [censored] that has ever happened to me: I never thought something of this sort would ever happen.

Take care.

TandC clearly puts together a top-notch sales pitch for how to handle his sitch "the MB way", but MAC just isn't buying.

Too bad. Excellent post, nonetheless.....


TB

Good luck with your way. Please don't call it Plan B though. You are insulting people like ME who have actually followed through with Plan A the MB way and then HAD to go to Plan B. You can make this "Plan MAC." I wish you all of the happiness you are looking for.

I have not posted on your thread because you were getting world-class advice, and anything I would have told you would have been redundant in the face of the fine posts you've received. But I must say this:

As far as not having the strength to do this anymore?? MAC, you haven't done anything yet! Except move out so your WW could conduct her A at her leisure. And then, AND THEN, you finally get the cojones to even attempt to go back to your own home, and all she has to do is kick up a little fuss and you run and hide - again! Oh, the poor little thing and her depression, my [censored]! She was depressed that you were in a position to interfere with her A!

And THEN, after ignoring every bit of advice you've been given, from people who have talked the talk and walked the walk, and have done the hard work and the heavy lifting required to do everything in our power to heal our marriages, you throw in the towel and say you don't have the stamina!? After doing nothing?!

You, sir, have had the privilege of getting some of the finest help you will find. It's been free, and freely given. No one has asked you to pay them for their time. No one stands to gain SQUAT, regardless of your outcome. And yet these posters have spent hours trying to tell you how to save your M. All the while dealing with their own healings and infidelities.

And it's too hard for you???!!! All I can say then, is thank you for ending your own thread so we can help someone who actually wants to save their marriage.

Mac, you came here looking for help to save your marriage and you are getting it. What we cannot provide is the strength to try. This must come from within yourself.

If you decided you want to recover your marriage, you HAVE to be strong. Now shake it off, get off your mental merry-go-round and think about your future. If you do want to stay married to this woman, you are going to have to take some steps to work towards that end.

If you truly do not want to continue your marriage, I wish you the best anyway. But if that's the case, why did you come here in the first place?

Man up and give it a try. What have you got to lose at this point? At the least, it will make you a better, stronger person either way.

None of usually do but we do it all the same because our marriages are "that" important to us; after all, nobody can win a fight if they're not even willing to battle.

The worst kind of thing that has ever happened to you, me and virtually almost everyone else here at MB.

Rarely does anyone ever assume that something of this sort will ever happen but, sad to say, it does and it does often.

All I can say about that is..."Thank goodness for MB!!!"

Right back at you, Mac, I sincerely do wish you the best (although I do honestly feel "the best" is right here for you already).

Awww, thank you! :-)