I really think you need to do some better checking. If you have a computer at home you can install spectrapro for free. It is a keylogger that will let you know what she is doing on the computer.

If she is going to be home it will be easier to watch her.

I know for a fact she does not use the computer to contact him.

I was coming home from work and my w called saying she getting done checking out some prospects and that she was going to her daughters for the night. I decided to to check out the om's house and guess who was there. I texted her and let her know she was caught. I took off for home and she called me begging to me to stop and come to talk to her. She said I should have knocked on the door and I would seen nothing was happening. I told her that would have been a bad Idea in my emotional state. So we met at a nearbye convenience store and had a nice little chat. She was dressed kind of like a redneck. Like what she wears around the house. They saw me drive up and check out to see if it was her car. She said she tried to get outside before I left. In which I left pretty fast becaue I was very close to kicking the door down and kickin some A.
She said " He's just a freind and I was just telling him about my upcoming hysterectomy" )which is tommorrow.
She said she is sorry and wants to go somewhere after she heals to get away from all this and seek a good marraige counseler. I feel like walking or at least seperating. Just to much dam stress and lying.

I'm sorry, Kingblue.

I know from experience, there's nothing worse than the sneaking and lying. Each new discovery of contact is like reliving D-day over and over.

Others will give you good advice, I can only give you my sympathy.

Thank you. Also My stepdaughter thought I was going to kick her A and called the cops on me. I told them what was going on and they just let me go.

What a liar. Walk

Another new developement. I took my wife to have her operation today. I was putting her stuff in my car when I heard the her cell go off. I answered it and it was the OM He told "she is mine now you peice of s**t and to f off" So I guess that's it. We are done. I believe her affair is deeper than what she led me to believe. I told her Mom and her Sister right away so they know. This guy has had 3 plus Domestic Abuse arresst and has violated the restraining orders. What a doosy she picked.

Oh, kb, I'm so sorry.

I did not see my w after her surgery that day and she texted me asking what was going on. I called her back and she said she couldn't control him calling. Later on that night she texted me 3 times telling me how she cares for me and will do what ever it takes to rebuild our marriage. I have checked the phone records and she has not called him for about 2 weeks but I can not tell if there has been anything recent. She has offered for me to look thru her cell saying that she has nothing to hide.
Last week she called me at work and asked me if it was alright to go out with her best friend. I said ok since I probably had no choice anyway but it was nice she asked. He called her and she answered. The om was pissed about some claim he has with her company so she and her friend met with him at a local resteraunt. She says she told him that it was over and not to contact her anymore. The friend had to leave to meet her husband leaving them alone. The om gave her a ride home. Of course she says nothing happened except for him getting out the car and our dog bit him. (GOOD DOGGY) His temper flaired on that one and she got a good taste of it. She called me at work right after and told what went down. I was pissed and relieved at the same time and didn't know what to say. My exwife said that she was there and that my wife was rubbing his leg then called my/exwife's daughter who told another daughter (mine and current) My ex is not one to trust. So my daughters are pissed at my wife and my wife swears it did not happen that way.Her freind said it never happened that way either. So I am not sure what to beleive. My wife knows my ex pretty good and says she never saw her. She also says she would never anything that stupid in public anyway.By that she cannot have s for 4 more weeks since she a hsyterectomy 2 weeks ago.
We have had 2 counseling sessions after and things have been good. We like to take walks and she holds my hand allot. Since we can't have s we have worked around that in other ways. She tells me that she is afraid of loosing me or that I will have revenge s.
I feel some what better but I am still not trusting her. I get really quite sometimes and she asks me what's bugging me. I tell it's the A. I can tell it doesn't set well with her but she created the situation. She wants to know if there is medication that would help me. The only thing I need is for her to be faithful. I'll get better then and only then.

By the way. My 3 girls from a former marriage and our daughter will not talk to her. They are not happy about their Mom having an A. I have not said anything to them about that. They know I want her back and she is but they are still upset none the less.

kingblue, can I ask what it is you feel better about since she is still seeing her lover? She recently went on a date with her boyfriend yet you say you feel better?

I guess I am in shock that this makes you "feel better." Most people would be very very upset if his spouse hooked up with her lover for dinner.

It was her way of getting closure. Yes I was very upset about it but since then there has been no activity between them at all. They could not have had s because she cannot for another 4 weeks. They did not have dinner it was more like over coffee at 4pm. We had a long talk with our marriage counselor about it. The om also was at that time one of her clients. He is not now. All his policies are canceled and if he wants to sign up for insurance he has to look else where. My w's friend was there which was confirmed with the manager and they sat across from each other not next to. She should have called me before and told me about before not after. But it's done and she is feeling the repurcussions from me and the kids. She admits it was a stupid thing to do without telling me before hand. I am still watching things and have many more eyes on her than before. So far since she has been trying to make up for her A and staying away from the town where the om lives.

"Closure" is a cute way of justifying resumed contact. It is just a ruse. If an alcoholic "quits drinking" do they go have some "closure drinks" or do they just stop drinking?

I hope that your wife has ended contact, but meeting her lover and calling it "closure" is just a ruse to justify another rendevous. We have had WS' here who have had up to TEN "closure" meetings. It is a bull**&* name for resumed contact.

Meeting up with your lover and calling it cute names does not end an affair, it TRIGGERS it. If your counselor did not tell you this, I would suggest finding one who is not this stupid. I can understand you falling for "closure" but a "counselor" has no excuse.

kingblue, it is real important to strip away manipulative, fogged out rationalizations and look at her ACTIONS. Otherwise you come away with ridiculous explanations about resumed contact. The truth is that your wife hooked up with her lover again. THATS ALL.

Has she moved back in?

She never moved out she was staying at her daughters on and off. Her daughter lives in a another city far away the om. She had a hysterectomy and is still recovering. She really never moved out. She was staying away from the situation to get her head cleared. Yes I was checking to see if she was there too and she was. Her family lives there and they had confirmed it too. I will continue to check on her and like I said I have many more eyes on her now. I understand your point melody. I was not happy about this last meeting either but since then there has been nothing. I also have full acess too her cell phone and email.

Has she moved back home? Are you doing anything to recover your marriage?

She was staying away so she could pursue her affair unimpeded. It is nonsense to say that a person that needs to move out to "clear their head." A person can clear their head anywhere.

KB, what scares me about you is that you have adopted wayward fogbabble as TRUTH. She is able to feed you any bullcrap and you believe it and even repeat it as truth to others. You don't recognize when you are being manipulated.

I say this as a FRIEND who is concerned about you. You do not have good instincts when it comes to discerning bull. Your wife does not even have GOOD bullcrap, yet you fall for it.

You are going to sharpen up here if you expect to make it, my friend.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html

So what would you have me do? Kick her [censored] out? She has been doing what I want her to do. When I am work she calls me more often to let me know where she is and what she is doing. She much more freindly and open to me than before. Last week she came to my work to do lunch with me which she has never done before, ever. All I have right now is my gut feeling and it tells me that she done with the om. I don't know what else I can do. I have friends and relatives looking out for me. I can't afford the gadgets people talk about on here.
I am no expert on this and just started looking at this site a few monthes ago. We have been married for over 20 years and this is that only time something like this ever happened. I myself have come close several times to having an A but avoided it.

hi there kingblue,
I have read your story and I think MelodyLane is right she is playing you and is coming up with all kind of excuses as to why she needs time by herself....you are making things easy for her to stay in contact with her affair man.......
I would ask her to leave for a while until she decides who it is she wants to have a relationship with.....
I would not contact her at all so she can actually feel what life would feel like without you.....
Affairs are not any fun when everyone knows and she knows that she is actually hurting you and her kids. Let her feel the brunt of all that...
This is for your own sanity as well.....You can't make her stay........she needs to resolve this for herself. Tell her you love her very much and don't want to end your marriage but you can't love her while she loves someone else....
Affairs show a different light when the real world and responsibilites have to take place......She will see the real guy now instead of the fantasy affair guy she has convinced herself is great, maybe he really isn't, but unless she sees it for herself she won't believe.....
I know this will be tough on you but believe me it will end sooner this way.
You don't have to settle for this, let her hurt and feel the guilt of what she is doing to herself and everyone else....
Show her you can live without her and you will be fine. I did this set my husband free when he said he loved another woman and guess what when he was free to go, he didn't .......it took about 6 months in total but he now regrets his decision to have the affair and he is sorry for hurting his family in a way that can't be fixed, he lost the respect from me and our children.....this is something he has to live with now and he knows that will never be the same and that is something that is his responsibility to fix now if he can...
Think long term instead of being afraid for the moment