I am having a night where I have to pray and pray and pray to keep believing my marriage has a chance.

WH is beyond addicted. After a few days of it eating away at me that he might not know OW could be sick, I finally asked him tonight if he would WANT to know if I had heard something that could really impact his life. I wasn't trying to put a wedge in between them (honestly, I'd think less of him if he got freaked out bc she might have breast cancer), but I thought if it was ME, and I didn't know, I'd want to. That's huge stuff!

Turns out he already knew. AND now he is ANGRY at me, and saying that he was expecting that the next step would be for OW H and I to try to drive a wedge between them.

I'm so tired of my intentions being misconstrued. And he acts like I am the bad one in this relationship and that I am the one not to be trusted and who's lying at every turn.

He told me earlier today that his planned move out date is May 17. I will give him his Plan B letter then. He wasn't even firm on the date but I said it was probably best if he stuck to it.

We went out to a dinner theatre last night. I was so excited to have plans with him but the whole time he just seemed bored and disinterested and wanted to go home as soon as the show was over (even though we had the sitter late and I wanted to go out for a bit after, just to have some time with each other.

I BELIEVE my husband and I are supposed to be married to each other, not other people. I believe that with time he will see that too, and come back to me. And I believe in the success of MB. But tonight I'm having such a hard time keeping all that in my head and not falling apart.

Another thing he said to me was that it's very typical of the BS to feel bad when the marriage is ending becuase "after so many years of mistreating their spouse now they're scared and feel like an idiot." I think that's the most unfair statement. I think it's so cruel to say something like that.

{{{{{NP}}}}}}}}}

To me it sounds like babble... "oh poor me, my spouse doesn't understand that I just want to be happy!" blah blah blah.... and that is a cruel statement, meant to get at you... don't let it. Be strong. Just more self-serving bullcrap to make himself believe he's right.... we all know better.

Had an actually okay Mother's Day! DD was sick so she was sleeping with me in bed, and we were woken up by the sounds of WH coming into the room with breakfast on a tray for me. It was a serious step up from the way he's been acting!

In other news...WH has progressed from saying he's done with me to making stupid, insensitive jokes about how he needs polygamous marriages and how perhaps he's meant to be with TWO people in his life. He's all worried he's meant to be with OW but now she may be sick and she might die and he'll "end up with me."

Not sure whether to consider this an improvement or not.

He's kind and loving one minute, and then all of a sudden he'll do a 180 and start being mean and nasty. It's usually after he goes out .... which is when I think he calls OW. I think he's pretty confused and the only way he can make himself feel like he's right is by trying to convince himself that I am horrible and awful. And he gets angry because I am doing a FANTASTIC Plan A right now (if I do say so myself).

Thoughts?????? I am feeling pretty confused by him right now myself!

He's said May 17 he will move out. I will give him this week and then go dark once he's gone.

Yup, dime-a-dozen fogbabble; that's all that was.

Stick to your plan. Also, be ready to have him move out if he tries to continue stalling. After how many times he's already put it off, it's obvious he's on the fence and may not leave on his own.

If your $LB is depleting too rapidly, DEFINITELY tell him to leave sooner and go into PB right away.

You can do this!

Yup, he's a fence sitter for sure....cake eater!

I think it's interesting how he starts out very happy every day and then as soon as he talks to OW (or so I presume, he's careful not to do it when I'm around) he turns angry. And from what I hear from OW H, OW is a mess these days.

Strangely, my $LB is doing well these days, even with all the craziness my WH is exhibiting. With my new solid Plan A, I feel excited and happy and am enjoying the "spring cleaning" of my house and buying new things for it - just redecorating and changing the atmosphere of the house (it's gotten downright depressing). Bought a really nice cherub statue for the front lawn yesterday - WH loved it. We spent a good half hour talking about reno's and landscaping we wanted for the front of our house. Too bad he might not be around for it!

I figure this week is going to be FANTASTIC. And when he leaves on the 17th (because I already told him if that was his plan he better stick to it) he will regret it all the more, thinking about this week. I feel like I'm FINALLY doing the Plan A I should have from the beginning.

Okay....I know I'm going into posting overboard here this morning!

I WAS feeling totally upbeat and positive this morning. Well, over the weekend I found out by accident that WH is planning a trip with OW to Hawaii in Sept, with (and this hurts) an airline credit we had from when we changed our honeymoon plans last July, one ticket in my name, one in his. We have to book it by tomorrow.

So I asked him just now if he'd like to use the credit instead to come to Disneyworld with the kids and I in Dec. He said, "Oh I'll just look into vacation packages and pay for it myself." So, now I'm not only depressed that he's so set on going with her but kicking myself for inviting him. Because the only reason I did was to screw up his vacation plans with OW. AND, it sort of kills my Plan B if he is suddenly coming to Disneyworld now but he's still with her.

Ugh. My stupid impulsiveness and insanity.

I'm right there with you as far as impulsiveness goes. I've ruined some good MB plans by not being able to keep my mouth shut and just follow the advice and rules.

I think we all have moments like that. Nothing is totally ruined. Keep finishing your Plan A and Plan B will come along nicely.

HUGS

I know you need them right now cause I know I do too...

Don't stress it. September is a long way off, and if he's not on vacation with his family it's because he chose the hoe over being where he belongs.

A lot can happen between now and then. You're causing conflict in the A, while still being honest - you would LIKE very much for him to be there. That's fine.

He is not only og babbling you with this, "Two women" comment. He is trying to gauge how you are with that setup. That's a sweet deal, FOR HIM. He is showing you that he IS a cakeeater and that your Plan A is showing through. You are doing a superb job. My question is, why wait until the 17th? I mean, you are letting HIM be in control of this. What if it is the 16th and he says, "You know NP, I think I will move out June 1st. I need some time to get everything figured out." Then June 1st will come along and he will say, "You are so close to your due date. I think I will stick around to help with DD while you have a newborn to take care of." He will come up with excuses.

I think you should give consideration to making this about YOUR PLAN and picking a day when YOU go to PLAN B. Not going on HIS timetable. Please think about this.

I know. I'm just not ready to lose him.

I know I need to make him stick to his timeline of moving out. Things have just been so great lately that I'm going to miss him so much.

How do you prepare yourself for Plan B? I mean, I guess other than the fact that he's totally still having an affair...maybe I just need to keep reminding myself of that fact.....

NP --

Affairs require drama as fuel. They don't survive on everyday ordinary stuff.

I have a VERY strong suspicion that OW's sudden "issue" has more to do with creating new drama than an actual health concern...

It serves 2 purposes for her. #1 - gets her husband off her back for the affair. He gets caught up in her life-threatening illness instead of bitching at her about adultery. It would be cruel of him to yell at her when she's under so much stressssss.

#2 - it bonds your husband to her. Because if he is waffling or she senses him pulling away, then she needs SOMETHING to draw him back. OW use health scares and pregnancy the same way.

So take her "breast lumps" with much doubt. And stop feeling guilty...

NP, I agree with Lexxy. My H's last OW created a bunch of drama during her pregnancy by claiming she had cervical cancer and thus a "high risk" pregnancy. She had some pre-cancerous cells from a bout of HPV. Give me a friggin break!

Her husband is done with her. She moved out this weekend and he is GOOD. He doesn't want her back anymore. She asked him, "If I got really sick would it be okay if I moved back home?" and he said he didn't answer because he didn't know if he'd want to let her come back.

As for WH....yes, that is a huge part of it for him, I'm sure. Because I think he IS waffling, but this just makes him desperate for her to be okay so they can be together. Plus she's had lumps before that turned out to be cysts so why would this time be different? She's manipulating WH into feeling scared for her by telling him she's had this for a year now but was too "scared" to go to a doctor. Yeah right. If you thought you had cancer no way in heck would you want to live the last bit of your life having an adulterous affair.

Getting shivers thinking about this. It just makes my skin crawl, the whole situation.

2 can play that game NP...hehehe.

What if "something" was wrong with the baby? What if your pregnancy had complications? What if you were put on bed rest?

And what is even more fun is that OW would likely demonize you. She would cast doubts about you to WH.
She would tell him that you were "faking" because she would feel him pull back. And make herself look petty and cruel in the meantime. WH would defend you and baby.

Lovebusting in the affair commences...
Delightful....

The thought has crossed my mind!!

Can't be on bed rest because of my job....sadly. Otherwise heck, you bet I'd be "bed ridden" for the next 6 weeks!! lol

From what I hear from OW H, OW is a mess these days - last night he said, "I had forgotten about Crazy OW..." Almost feeling like hey, I should just let WH go off and get a taste of her flying off the handle becuase she forgot to buy butter, and realize his loving wife was truly something special.....

Hm. You know what, Lexxxy, I'm so seriously tempted to try something like that. Ideas?

Oh yes....

I had another question for the board (totally going into posting overboard today!!).

The same time I found out about their Hawaii trip, I also found out that OW had indeed been the one to email him a website with divorce information and separation documents. She's really pushing him!

Yesterday he said he wanted to sign the separation agreement that day, and I said, fine, let's do that! But he never brought it up again. Do I bring it up? Or keep quiet about it? I don't know if it would be a love buster or eye opener to bring it up.

Keep quiet and in the future change the subject if/when he brings it up.

Agree! You do M, not D or S.

Yea, what she said.

Yes, what she said!!

Goodness, I'm lucky to have found this site! I can't even begin to say how instrumental MB has been in getting me through this first initial part of finding my husband in an affair.

Took a bit of time coming home tonight so when I saw him I could be happy happy happy! He noticed, even commented on it. I wish I had found MB months, years ago!