Hi there,
I just wanted to update my story a little, H had an A back in 09, D-Day Nov/09.
We were over and then he changed his mind after a good Plan A. He worked with the other woman, he was her boss, he owns the business....
He decided that she wasn't what he wanted and ended things with her, he didn't talk to her or attend any functions after work or any celebrations for employees. he spent all his time with me and his boys...
She tried contacting him for a while via voicemail, email, texting. He gave me all his passwords and he just didn't respond to any of them. She called the house a few times I handled the phone at home and just didn't answer when I saw her #.
It's been a couple of months now and she has finally decided to quit the job.....I couldn't be happier about this news, I spoke to my husband about this being best for her so she can move on with her life......He feels bad that she has lost her job as well.....I think he knows it's for the best for all of us....
He is embarrassed by the whole thing and he knows the damage he has caused to me and his boys.......He said he would never do anything to harm us again.......
He told me he regrets everything........he is now the husband he should have been all along.....
Patience is the key in these situations, the fog has lifted for him, he is now thinking the right way, I know he feels bad for her and what he has done to her life, but he should feel bad........

jessi, this is indeed wonderful news.

However, it would be best to post it on your original thread, rather than start a new one. If it is on the old thread, people can quickly see your history and what else has happened after the affair.

For example, I'd like to know what you H has done to affair-proof his own behaviour in the future. Patience might have been the key to waiting for OW to move on, but it is not the key to security for you and the marriage in the future. That security requires action, and his words that he would never do anything to harm any of you again are just words. His behaviour can easily be repeated without extraordinary precautions.

I say this having been through many false recoveries after my own H's affair. I am hoping that you do not experience this, jess.

Have a look at the poster ihurtsomeone's thread, and see how easy it is to repeat risky behaviour to the point of another affair, without extraordinary precautions.

hi sugarcane,
thanks for the support,
my hubby has not talked to, responded to the OW,
he has not attended any functions at work(retirement parties, lunches, drinks after work with partners or employees).
No Contact is a rule now he lives by.(with any woman not just the OW)
He is never putting himself in that position again.
He has given me all passwords to his phone, comp, phone records......
He is spending all his time with me, he has sat down our grown boys and explained what he did wrong and the promises he has made this family and assured them that he would no longer contact the OW and that he hoped to work things out with me and that he hopes the family can recover from his selfish act.
He is being honest and reassuring with me, he is making an effort to spend time with me doing the things we enjoy, he is speaking all the right words....
He now understands that his thinking was not in the right place and he does see the pain he has caused everyone....
He doesn't even go out with the boys any longer....he no longer is working at night(he is a work alcholic)
He seems to be trying to work things out......
Do you have any suggestions or things to look out for?

My suggestion is not for things to look out for, but for things you should do.

The single thing I wish I had known about at the time when my H was negotiating to stay in the marriage was coaching with the Harleys. I did not know about MB until after my H changed jobs so that he would no longer travel to OW's country. By the time I read the many stories praising the Harley's coaching, my H's very British resistance to "therapy" had settled in, and I settled for what I had. That was a mistake.

Our marital recovery has been steady, because like your H now, mine spends all his free time with the family and does not travel or have nights out, but I think my own personal level of recommitment would have been higher with Harley coaching. Our recovery would have been better for it.

An MB weekend seminar would be even better than coaching, by all accounts, and although we live in England, I'm working up to suggesting that for us. That is what I suggest for you, and for anyone in recovery.