I feel the same way. Especially since my WH has had his affair for up to 3 years now. SHUDDER. What I could have done before. Oh well, as my Dad always said, "When you KNOW better, you DO better."

ME TOO!!!! I know so much more about myself and relationships that I did before... I now know what I want and am working to attain it, and you can too!

Ya doin' good!

God, knowing the end from the beginning and every choice our WS's would make, led us each here at just the right time...for us.

For some of us that leads to a recovered M, for some of us that leads to a recovered self. Either way it's a blessing, and came at just the right time.

Hugs!

Yes. I have always been religious but I have to admit this affair knocked me off the boat for a while. Turning back to God now, and asking for help and guidance now.

Firmed up my resolved to get WH out of the house on Monday. I can see he's shaping up to procrastinate. I am going to have to pack his suitcases for him.

ITA, I know that I came here when I was ready. I think that if I came here earlier, I may not have listened as well as I did in the beginning. I didn't even listen that well.

NP- As far as having to pack his stuff for him, you most likely WILL have to. Don't look at it other than EMPOWERING. You need to do this for YOU, and for YOUR MARRIAGE. This is the best thing. You don't want a marriage the way it has become now. Either way, this is BEST.

WH is getting cold feet about his Hawaii trip with OW. He has to book his ticket by the end of today and last time I talked to him he said, "I don't know, I don't know what I'm going to do with the ticket! Can't you just leave me alone about it?"

I feel this is a good sign. Realistically, he's probably going to end up booking the ticket but hey....at least he's hesitating!

I myself have used the credit to buy tickets for me and the kidlets to Orlando in January, where we'll go on a Disney cruise. WH seems excited about it. Even though he's not booked on it and won't be coming if I still am in Plan B. He kept talking about buying himself a ticket.....I kept quiet.

hesitation is a good thing... making him think. Take it and keep Plan A'ing!

You're doing so great NP! I hope my Plan A could go as well. I'm trying, you're SUCCEEDING!

Remember, NO EXPECTATIONS.

Just keep doing your best Plan A, prepare for Plan B(part of Plan A remember?) and keep going forward.

Are you ready to go? What if something happened today that really got under your skin? Would you be ready TODAY to go to Plan B, the right way? Just be prepared. Stick to your plan. Don't react, ACT. Just keeping you on track. BTW, the day I installed to keylogger on my computer, there was a flat tire on our truck. WH had to change the tire. A couple of days later, he had to buy a replacement tire. He kept saying, "When WE have enough money, WE will get a new tire to replace this one."(the WE stressing is my point in showing you how waywards think) I was SOOOOO angry. I knew there was NO WE in his head. He was foggy. I saw it before with my SIL and then my Mom. WS keep making plans for the future even though they are telling you that there is no future. It is crazy making. Just keep on task.

You are doing GREAT with Plan A. Keep it up.

It sounds like the idea of Hawaii with OW was what he liked. Reality, maybe not so much. Excellent! Keep it up, NP!

Thanks for the encouragment, everyone! I still don't have any expectations - he's let out enough foggy angry bursts for me to be completely realistic about this....and yes, Scotland, you are right, he talks a lot about "our" future but doesn't want to let go of OW. It's maddening!

BUT, on the other hand, I feel confident that my Plan A is at least working enough for him to have a much harder time convincing himself that I am the crazy awful wife he always made me out to be! And when he goes off with OW, he will have these good memories of me. I almost feel like I'm putting a wedge in their relationship already - he seems very angry about it these days. I think my "happiness" is unsettling him - he's used to me sobbing and saying, "Stay! Stay!" whereas the Plan A me says, "Sure, honey, that's great! Go and be happy! What do you want for dinner tonight?"

I feel confident as well that if I had to, I COULD go Plan B today. I have everything ready to go - finances, IM, my letter in place and ready to give to him, everything I need. And I COULD have the strength to survive it...I just have to keep praying and having faith in MB!

Ok last post of the night, and advice needed!

WH and watched Lost together tonight, and when it was over I casually found a way to ask if he had ended up booking his ticket to Hawaii. After much digging he finally admitted he had but asked me to send him the booking email I had with the codes "in case he wanted to make changes.". Then, after I brushed my teeth I said to him, "so I guess that was the last episode we'll see together...". He was very shocked so I gently reminded him he had said he was planning on moving out on Monday. Then he said angrily, "i don't know, stop bugging me about this stuff please!". I asked why, and he huffed around and said he just didn't know so I left it at that.

I don't know what to do now. So my question is - do I do anything? Do I just leave it alone period, or do I leave it alone and pack his suitcases on Monday?

It seems to me like maybe the reality of leaving his wife is a little scary to him, not the great thing he thought it would be....

He doesn't plan to move out at all; it shocked him that you would actually enforce a boundary. You have to be sure that he does.

He wants to sit where he is and cake-eat, which you shouldn't allow.

EGG-ZACK-LY. That's just it. He doesn't want his real life and fantasy land to collide. Everytime you ask something that has to do with her(I would lay off of that for the rest of the time he is there) he doesn't want to talk about it. It pokes holes in his bubble.

Your Plan A is going GREAT. It would be GREAT if your Plan A is one of the ones that ends the A, just remember that happens 15% of the time. You will most likely need the Plan B. That means that you are planting the seeds now that will grow while your WH is with POSOW. You won't know about how well until you are well into recovery. You are doing a great job. Keep it up.

Since he's obviously not planning on moving out on his own I think you will need to pack his stuff and tell him he needs to leave, BUT on your timetable and not his. He's lost his chance to move out on his own terms, and really he hopes he won't actually have to go. You can bet moving out is much more OW's idea than his.

How do you feel about Wednesday?

That is what I was thinking too! He is just cake-eating his heart out! As for OW being the one to push him - I think she really is. To date, SHE has been the one to pursue him to begin with, SHE told him his marriage didn't stand a chance, SHE left her husband and is sending WH divorce/separation documents, SHE sent him a ton of emails about Hawaii..... So although, yes, WH went along with it all and is still pretty heavily fogged by her, he's not really the one pushing hard to leave me and be with her. Ugh. It's so confusing.

Had a (very short) chat with WH this morning and it turns out that he only booked a ticket for himself, and OW is not booked yet, and he doesn't consider it set in stone. He also said he's still very confused about whether he wants to go or stay with me. He went on about how he doesn't know if he'll ever be happy with me (fog babble) and then talked about how he wants to stay for our home, raising our children as a family, being a team together and weathering storms through life....I didn't push it, but I said as long as he's with her, he HAS to go. And he nodded and looked very sad.

Now that my Plan A is going well I don't know how long to leave it until he has to go. Is June 1 too late? Is that allowing him to cake eat too long? I just think my Plan A before was not really very good and it's pretty solid now.....

Advice? :S

June 1 might be too late, or maybe not; it mainly depends on you. A couple weeks more or less of cake won't make a huge difference to him, so it has more to do with the status of your Love Bank.

Also whether you're making this as a carefully calculated tactical move, or are simply postponing something unpleasant that you don't really want to do. I'm not trying to say that you're doing this one way or the other - you're the best judge of where your heart and head are right now. If you evaluate and you're sure it's #1, then go for it. If you think it might be #2, it's probably better to take the plunge sooner than later.

And last but not least, no matter what you decide, you can always bump it up sooner if you need to.

I had to hit the accelerator on my PB, too, because it turned out I just couldn't make it the 2 more days till I was planning it. As long as your ducks are in a row, you could jump in with only a few hours to finalize things if you have to.

NP --

Here is my worry for you: You send him out and go into Plan B on June 1. June 21 is your due date. He may quickly capitulate and agree to all of your boundries just as a way to be present at the birth. And you would be vulnerable to believing that he really means that the affair is over -- because of course you WANT him to be there. And you are then primed for a false recovery.

Who is your labor coach? Have you replaced WH yet? and is he aware that you are not planning on him being there?
I think that is a message you should deliver soon. Just like with the Lost episode, its another way for you to make the situation clear. Its VERY effective, hence his demeanor change and babble-purge.

I haven't picked a labor coach yet. Not really sure what that is, actually... I figure if it's not WH, it will be my mom. And I have told him several times that if he is still with OW, he will NOT be present at the birth. He tries to fight it, but I just reiterate my stance and he stops fighting.

So - would you suggest not having him present either way? I really DO want him there, but obviously not if he's still with OW.

So, what do I say? Do I TELL him I have a deadline in mind for him? Or just ....do it?

A deadline for WHAT? If you are asking if you tell him about you commencing Plan B, the answer is NOOOOOOOOOO. You don't do that because it sounds like an ultimatum. All you do is keep up your spectacular Plan A until your deadline. What happens if you chose June 1 and then he really makes you ANGRY and you decide on May 29th that you can't handle it anymore? Then it will be a BIG fight to get him out. It may take some fight to get him to go as it is. Plan B is in your back pocket to pull out when you are planning.