Retread, LG said exactly what I've been trying to say when I keep telling you that you are preaching to the choir.

All I can do is to get myself into a better paying job. And that means going back into a discipline that I know well and where I have experience and marketable skills. Unfortunately, it's going to mean giving up a lot of my schedule flexibility in the job I have now, where I have would happily remain trading off a larger salary for flexibility and the ability to be home more...but I can't depend on my husband for income and this job doesn't pay enough.

So the job I will most likely take, if I'm offered it, entails a lot of travel and long hours. But it's well into the six figures and almost double what I'm making now. I will be able to afford to pay all the bills without juggling, PLUS have $$$ leftover for paying down medical bills and other bills that have climbed. And maybe I can take the kids on a vacation or do something fun on the weekends.

This quote probably sums him up:


I really don't think he WANTS to sit at home and leech off my (very small) salary. On the other hand, he's got an issue with self-image and entitlement which is preventing him from just sucking it up and doing anything to bring in $$$ in order to help support his family.

I know this isn't job related, and I think I may have said it before, but my 2nd day in the hospital a couple of months ago, after I had rambled for nearly an hour about my feelings, my lack of feelings, anaologies about the why of my feelings....the therapist basically said, "Are you done wallowing and ready to make some changes?" I mean, he didn't say those words, but his point was that if I wanted to feel differently, then I would do differently, and if I wasn't going to do differently, I must not really want to feel differently. What a change THAT was from the cry and talk on the couch methodology.

When I was applying for a grant for national Board teacher certification, I had to write an essay about my teaching. I kept sending it to a teacher friend of mine who was already certified. It had some great, heartfelt writing in it, but she kept sending it back with parts highlighted, saying "So what?" She finally told me to quit writing what I'd like to do and just tell them what I was doing.

These two things have made an impact on me. I am a feeler, so right brain I lean when I walk. I could fill this thread will wafting words. But who really gives a crap? It's all about the doing, at least when it comes to some things. Yeah, I'm preaching to the choir too. But this whole "he/she is so depressed that they are just inert and cannot move forward" thing, I have realized, is really more about WILL not move forward. Is there a plan B for spousal inertia??

Here's something I don't get. I've asked H to put up flyers around saying he can paint, do carpentry, small jobs, whatever. That got met with the usual 'meh' response. More $LB withdrawals.

Anyway, my oldest came home from college flat broke (what else is new..LOL) because his job there ended about 2 weeks ago. He has a job lined up for the summer up at a summer camp. I'm not nuts about him being a counselor again, because the pay isn't great and he could make more money lifeguarding here, but he landed a pre-season job there that pays great money for the manual labor of getting the campgrounds ready. So he'll make really great money for the next month...but he doesn't go up there until 5/25.

My younger son has been very industrious, putting up flyers for yard work, attic/garage cleaning & organizing, etc. He landed a job with someone next town over who has an incredible amount of landscaping work and hauling/organizing. Son is busy during the week with school and lacrosse and there's usually a practice or sometimes a special tourney game on at least one weekend day. So he's been working 6-8 hours the other day and making very decent money for a 15 year old boy.

This woman has so much work, at one point I suggested to my husband that he talk to her about doing some of the heavier stuff...big equipment stuff, or anything. Again, not much response.

So older son comes home from college and asks younger son if he could call this woman and see if she's got some work for him (older son) during the week, when younger son is in school. Younger son doesn't mind 'sharing' his job. So they work it out.

Older son came home with $100 in cash today. (YAY!) And more hours lined up. Whatever he can have in his pocket by the time he leaves for camp, is great...then he won't have to take an advance on his camp salary and he'll have a tidy sum of money with which to head back to school.

Anyway, H sees this and says "hmmm..maybe I should give her a call".

Ok, I don't care WHAT he does as long as it means some $$$. But c'mon. I feel... I don't know what I feel!

No, I do know what I feel. I feel annoyed that he won't take the extra effort, go the extra mile to put up flyers around the neighborhood, etc, but if something falls directly into his lap like this...

The best way to get over depression is to get moving...literally.
Get busy. Exercise. Make the blood flow. Wash out those depressing brain chemicals. Generate the hormones and enzymes which make you feel good, and you will do more.

As for high-end jobs....
There aren't that many. It's a pyramid.
You don't get a job as Director of IT, or VP of Engineering unless you have already done all the jobs that involves. So how do you get the experience?

Luck. That's right, you have to be in the right place at the right time, for the opportunity to present itself.

Desire. You have to want it. Most people don't want more responsibility. They will step away from it like it was fire. No one gets it who doesn't ask for it.

Ability. You have to have already been there, demonstrating that you will take on new roles, and deliver. When the big guy leaves, or dies, or gets sick, or dies, and the top guys are looking around for someone, you have to be there.

I get all this Retread.

Okay, Retread just brought exercise into this. I'm out!

(the treadmill is staring at me........)

OurHouse,
I thought about the daily steps of job hunting that I wrote above.

Someone who is qualified for a skilled job, or management job should certainly look for those every day, but only a few of them. If they really are qualified to move up to the next level, they should carefully assess what positions they would like, and for what positions an employer might see them as being qualified. Broaden your horizons beyond your narrow wants to your skills. The fact is, though, that most of these jobs are discovered by personal contact. You have to network, and to do that, you have to have friends out their working. If you don't have friends out there looking out for you, ask yourself why not, and start fixing it by being a friend.

If you are working, you only have time to do one of these a day, maximum.

If you are not working, you need to not pursue more than a few of these a week, and don't spend more than 2 hours a day on it. Spend another 4 hours searching for jobs at the level you just left, and 4 hours trying to find anything. The goal should be to find a part-time job that pays enough to cover the bills but leave you time to search for a career job, and do interviews.

OH,
How is the new job thing working out for you?

Things seem to be fairly promising for her. Two or three good nibbles. Process slowed due to being under the weather, but once that clears, she should be back in the hunt!

TBC