Depends on said wayward's own choices.

I agree, hence my statement, that I don't see this as attacks on me.

I have seen JustUss take over posts and close them when it did become too personal.

I detect a little "last word" syndrome here.

Not sure what you mean by this? Im not going anywhere that I know of.

I really don't hold any animosity towards any of you. I started reading Joey's post, and before I could get back in to post ( as I said it can be a week between my posts) it was decided he was a boy and would probably never do the right thing.

I plan on being here for a long time. I learn a lot every day that I can spend the time online. I have tried to reply to each post. If I missed a few I apologise. go ahead and keep posting. I will be off-line until tomorrow pretty soon, but you are always welcome to reply.

Oh nevermind... just making a funny.

Oo Oo...I want the last word...PM and Pep are magical too, sorry I forgot you guys...I am sure there more I forgot.

Oooo and I have a rant...I hate when I get suckered into a thread that goes around and around and around ..But I have no one to blame but myself, so there.

PM

haha I have last word!!! Waited for all the rants to die out on this! I am king of the hill.

Of the few waywards that make here that post, the ones who are TRULY seeking help and want to change, those are the ones who muddle through and end up staying and DO change. The ones who don't are one who aren't ready.....and no amount of 2x4's is going to change that.....

If you think board members are hard on waywards today, well
you should have seen it when I first got here.....those waywards had to deal with MEDC......

Lets get back to marriage building and leave the critiques of other posters to the moderators. If you have an issue with another poster, please notify the moderator rather than attempt to straighten them out yourself. That is our job, not yours!

Word.

We got in trouble...Sorry Fireproof.

Ahem...My ears have been burning slap dab OFF today - Now I know why...I'll say only this, as I see Fireproof has spoken...

Staying here was MY CHOICE, and mine alone...I wanted help, and I got it, even though some of the help I initially received I didn't recognize as help until later...I will forever be grateful for the help and advice of those who offered it to me - and I am grateful that *I chose* to listen and stay...

Anyway, now for a rant of my own...It breaks my heart to see MB applied in the wrong way...

1stepforward, you said:


My dear man, you negotiated with a TERRORIST, and sadly and predictably, you lost...POJA is a tool for RECOVERY! You never, ever, ever, ever, EVER use POJA with an active wayward - if you do, only one of you will play by the rules, and it sho nuff ain't gonna be the wayward - doing so puts you at an even greater disadvantage...I am very sorry for your situation, I hope you will learn the MB program IN IT'S ENTIRETY so that you are able to use it as intended from here on out...

Mrs. W

To support what MrsW said, read Dr Harley's comment about this:

Actually, I should rephrase exactly what I said about POJA - Saying it is a tool for recovery implies that it is only used in marriages recovering from infidelity, and that is not the case - It is a tool to be used in FUNCTIONING MARRIAGES with both spouses willingly and genuinely using it for the betterment of the marriage by practicing care, protection and honesty - So, what I meant to say is that you do not use it in infidelity situations until recovery is under way...

Thanks to Mel for posting Dr. Harley's quote! Much obliged!

Mrs. W

If anyone had treated me like the way WSs are treated now I would not be here and recovered. When the "new breed" had taken over when I reconnected with the OM all the 2x4s just sounded like a whole lot of blah blah. You spend all your time being defensive rather than listening because there's nothing to listen to. NONE of it is helpful, it just sounds like a lot of noise. So much time and care is taken with BSs but as soon as it's a WS, it becomes one insult after another. Then everyone says - ooooh, they couldn't take the truth - now they've gone when the reality is that nothing constructive is ever mooted. I would bet the farm that Dr H doesn't treat waywards like that.

I was EXCEPTIONALLY lucky to have JL on my case. EXCEPTIONALLY lucky.

...and that's my rant about...

Kiwi - you were treated that way. Very direct. And it was an MB friend who reached out and saved your marriage when you wouldn't.

You were humble enough to learn and grow and you had the courage to stick around.

But you were dusted up every bit as much as the waywards who cut and run at the first sign of direct honesty around here.

I guess time dulls pain for everyone and eases memories a bit.

The stinging stops when you recognize the love and caring behind the confrontations. And you did. It wasn't just JL who reached you.

I know you're ranting,,,,

But when I showed up on the forums some of the posts to me were attacks. It didn't cause me to cut and run. Some posts disappeared entirely from my thread because they were considered to harsh by the moderators. I still didn't cut and run....

Know why?

Because even the harsh personal attacks were true!

I needed the good, the bad and the ugly.....

I believe the different POV's can be helpful for all waywards that actually want to recover their marriage.

When I first posted in 2006, I was afraid to do the right thing. But I was told to do the right thing. Unfortunately my choice at that time was to lie like a dog. Three years later, I came back, and after a couple of weeks a copped to being here before because I felt bad about what I had done way back then. People were really nice. But one poster took quotes out from some of my 2006 crap and asked me how I was able to lie so so convincingly. She wanted to KNOW whether I was trustworthy again.

I had a choice. I could have pulled myself up into some indignant mess, or I could have respected the fact that she wasn't about to have MB people waste their time on someone who was going to just lie all over again. I stuck around and answered her questions. And she was right to question. When someone lies, they need to expect to have to prove themselves.

When families are hanging in the balance and someone is perpetrating the ultimate betrayal onto their spouses and children.....there isn't time for hearts and flowers. Now it isn't necessary for people to be out and out ugly, but I have almost never seen that - only when a WS won't stop blaming the victim or takes everyone for a ride. But blunt, urgent honesty is necessary. If my child runs into the street with a semi coming down the road, I am not going to say please, I am going to scream her name and get her out of that road if I have to drag her by her hair.