Igrip...The people here told you that your wife was having an affair immediately after you posted. You didn't think so. Who was right? It didn't take 12 hours for them to be proven right.

Now you are getting more excellent advice....and ignoring it.

I don't want to come across uncaring or mean but I have to ask...Do you love your daughter? Is a tank of gas more important than her future.

What picture do you paint to your wife when you won't fight for her?

You need to man up. You're acting like a pansy. Women don't want pansies, except on mother's day.


Get your behind in the car and visit OM. Then drive home with a voice activated recorder in your pocket and put your clothes in your bedroom and tell your wife that YOU are sleeping in YOUR bed and she's welcome to stay or go...her choice!

I understand your point MaiMai. But I really do not think a confrontation will do anything productive. Yes, we can get into a fight (jail). We can yell and he can slam the door. Many things can be done. However, I don't see the benefits of that. I really don't. He can rationalize anything. He is 'making my wife happy' and our marriage was 'dead' long before he arrived in his opinion.

I am listening and want to learn and do the best things. This one, I just don't understand.

I am staying at home and playing with my daughter just like before. Mornings and afternoons every day. I am sleeping in my own bed. I just am not 'relationship talking' to my wife anymore. She has no appetite and does not smile anymore. I am frankly worried about her. What is it? Guilt? Torn between what she is seeing me try and become and her new lover? No affection, sorrow, emotion is coming from her...she looks at me as if she doesn't trust me with everything we talk about - like I have an agenda and am going to hold her to the fire with it. I don't really get it. What is going on in her head?

Grip, with all due respect, who in the he|| gives a rat's a$$ what this creep thinks? HIS opinion is garbage. My guess is that he probably spews more than a broken rig in the Gulf. Only YOUR opinion matters.


Grip, you may find it easier to solve a rubik's cube with eight different oolors. Like you, I have tried to master the art of reading between the lines and interpreting mixed messages. Generally speaking, it's an exercise in futility.

Just worry about YOUR head. Decide what you want and walk in that direction. Sure, I want my WW back, but I can't exactly become 'Neanderthal Man' -- you know, go club her over the head, and drag her back to my cave.

TB

igrip, IMHO this is where you were less than perfect in following Plan A:


As much as you are able, take advantage of every opportunity you have to Plan-A your W. Thank your lucky stars that she is still in the same house which makes it much much easier to implement Plan A. Some BS's (Betrayed Spouses... I hate that acronym!) aren't so lucky.

(It seems weird to tell you that you're lucky, but I hope you KWIM.)

The following part, I'm not sure about, maybe someone else will comment. It's sort of relationship talk, but from how you describe it, it was more matter-of-fact and may help WW realize what a separation would *really* look like, as opposed to the fantasy:


Go back to no relationship talk. Keep implementing Plan A. Try to handle the emotional roller coaster by venting to us or someone else, not your W. To your W be strong and loving and everything she desires.

Have you figured out what her most important ENs are? What ENs OM was meeting and you weren't?

Do you think she's still seeing him? Do you have ways of knowing? (Friends who can report back to you, keylogger, access to emails, voice-activated recorders and/or GPS in car, etc?)

And like BT said, don't waste your energy trying to figure out what's going on in her head. She's temporarily insane. Not rational. Not in her right mind. Flooded with hormones. It is too much of a roller coaster to let her changing thoughts and moods affect you. BE A ROCK. (A loving rock, but a stable rock!)

Now I KNOW my wife is possessed.

She wanted to go and stay in his house this weekend with her mom and our daughter (he would be out of town). I told her no that would not be possible and she said ok. I said a hotel would be great and I would be glad to book her one. I don't know what she was thinking to see that was a good idea.

Then today, she brought up something else (invented again as she got Invisilign after we got out of debt two years ago and that was one of our "goals' to buy). I told her how happy I was that she was able to get them and how I never made a mention about the money (she has been mentioning lately how she never felt our money was together). Totally invented because I gave her everything and shared everything so no valid point there. She started saying how I would always critique her teeth, that is why she got them. I do not agree, but I let that one go.

Then she said she wanted to be gone on Sunday. I said ok, where? She started to lie (i know that face now unfortunately) and said one thing, or another, or maybe to go see 'beth.' I have never heard of 'beth' so I pressed on (gently). After about 10 minutes, she said she was OMs sister and she had been through this before so she wanted to talk. I told her to call her then instead (she lives in the same town as OM). Then she said she was also picking up a car part for an acquaintance. I said UPS is $10 - much cheaper and easier than you driving 3 hours each way. Then I asked if OM would be back and she told me yes, in the afternoon that day.

I told her, gently, that she would not be allowed to go. She said 'we are just friends' I told her she crossed that line already and if she really wanted to go, then I would go with her. I told her that I have NEVER demanded anything of her in 12 years but I would not be a doormat and see her disrespect me, my daughter and our family with this behavior. I told her she is free to go, but not come back if that was her choice. I told her that love her, care about her and do not condone adultery as she is legally married. If she wants to be separated, she is free to do as she wants but I am not leaving the house. She stared at me and I walked out to get our daughter and play - all done calmly.

When I came back in, she said she would not mention Sunday again. Not sure what that means in her mind, but at the time being, I feel better. We then had a normal conversation during dinner..which is the first in 2 weeks.

Weird. VERY weird huh?

Not really. Typical WS stuff. She'll push your boundaries. As long as you don't waver, she ain't going anywhere.

Has this affair been exposed to her mother?

Secondly, igrip, did you see my suggestion about confronting the OM? He should hear from you every time he is in contact with your wife. If you want to save this marriage, you should be causing as much conflict as possible in the affair. When he contacts her, go have a visit with him. This is tried and true advice GIVEN BY DR HARLEY, igrip.

And lastly, I am very alarmed that your wife thinks you are going along with her affair. That is evidenced by her request to go stay with her lover this weekend with your daughter.

Not only should you NOT be paying for a hotel room for her to get laid by her lover, but you should not allow your CHILD to be exposed to the OM. Rather than contributing to your own demise by cooperating with her rendevous, you should be doing your best to STOP HER. If she does go and take your DD, I would GO WITH HER.

What it will do is cause problems that an OM is not likely to tolerate. Your wife is just a cheap piece of fun to him; not worth the trouble. Men like this do not want the trouble so when he understands you will allow him to shag your wife without challenge, it will encourage him, not discourage.

I would strongly suggest you confront him face to face, do an exposure on his facebook page, and expose to his parents. Exposing to his parents is a very important step becuase it will ruin the future of the affair. He won't be able to bring your wife around his family because they will know she is a married woman.

Please buck up here, igrip, and start working harder on the STICK part of Plan A.

Oh yes, her mother was the first it was 'exposed' to.

I think I will lean a bit more on her mother to 'not agree' to take care of baby while she wants to go on to her adultery trips. She is saying 'she wants to get away from me' but now I see, that is utter BS.

I thought today was progress...at least I am not laying down to this anymore. Go ahead...leave. I'm staying and so is my daughter. Hopefully, a reality check will help. Can't hurt.

Ok, I should have read further!! This is good stuff, igrip!! I only cringed at the "gently" part. That is cute when you are dealing with kittens, but when dealing with waywards, only FIRM and DIRECT works. Calmly is good.

You did good here, friend.

And you believe this because she told you? What if he molested your daughter?



You're willing to book her a hotel to carry on her affair?!?!?!?!





Good job!

Ok, it was not gently, it was firm and solid. But no anger.

Book a hotel room - sure for her mother and baby and her. Nothing would be going on with mother there. Not at all. This behavior upsets her mother and if baby was not around, she would go away she said (she lives directly attached and behind our house so she is very close).

I sent him a text tonight as well. Told him that 'in case the email yesterday was not clear, you will not be seeing my wife ever again while she remains my wife. You have reached a new low. How many of your friends are backing you?" This is because we have many 'close' friends together and we have an email list that used to get much traffic. Since the exposure, NOT one email from him has been returned by any of the group. They are all disappointed. On my side as a man fighting for his marriage.

Received the book today..can't wait to get into it in a few minutes. I still can't get used to the roller coaster of emotions.

Got a 20 minute email from OM today..justifies and rationalizes everything of course. Marriage was over before he was even in the picture, I am a bad husband, concentrate on my daughter, etc etc. No wonder she is fogged...she gets to listen to this guys crap every day.

Ok, started reading book. Plan A - working it well for the past 2 days. That is the ONLY hope I have now right? She is still speaking to him....just have to make that as difficult as possible. Hard to not take my 'bad husband' crap to heart...yes, I had some bad habits and hurtful words, but darnit, in every other way, I was an EXCELLENT husband. Jeez. the cloud and fog is covering my eyes sometimes too

This sucks. I feel good these days overall, she has spoken to me today in the morning as well, but this still sucks.

Yesterday evening, my 2 years daughter told my wife 'where is daddy? I have to find him." I am sure my wife thought I put her up to that, but we know the truth. Hopefully, a heart string gets tugged on.

Hopeful? Yes. VERY hopeful.

More words..this forum makes me feel better and gives me strength to continue this fight for my wife. The more words the better.

Give OM hell. Expose to everyone you possibly can on his side. What state do you and/or OM live in? See if you can get him for AOA. Make your WW no longer worth OM's time.

Read the carrot and stick of Plan A. It's not all nicey-nice.

What is AOA? We are in Texas.

You are a Texan and you are sending the OM emails?

Ha ha, you sure do make me laugh with your wonderful comments, ML.

Texans =

You quite amaze me, igrip; "do you realize just how much you've "grown" since you first started here at MB?" Seriously, you've only been here since May 4th and you've already gone from "begging, groveling and pleading your case (to your W)" to "standing up for yourself and letting your W know, in no uncertain terms, what you will and will not accept in your relationship." Good for you!

Perfect!

Yeah, and just how does he "KNOW" you're such a bad husband anyway? I guess your W simply telling him so "sealed the deal" for him, eh?

Hah, what a sucker he is!

You, on the otherhand, are FAR FROM; keep up the good work, igrip.

Hmmm, now that is one I'm not even sure of (angry outburst....???). Sorry.

Glad to hear it, it does the same for me. MB rocks! Sooooo glad I (and you and so many others) were fortunate enough to find it.

Well, of course he does. If he didn't paint you as a loser in general, he'd have to acknowledge his role as scumbag POSOM. Marital history revised. They're BOTH fogged.

AOA = Alienation of Affection. Not too many states recognize that anymore. Yours may be one that does. Of course, if you aren't in an AOA state, you could always threaten IIED (Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress). Not only on your behalf, but on behalf of your daughter. Just a thought.

Who all have you exposed to so far? Have you exposed to OM's family or work?