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My draft response:

I don't see how it's possible for you to take things from my house before I return to the states. Your actions so far haven't shown you to be trustworthy enough to allow unaccompanied in my home. Your things aren't in any danger from me. I haven't engaged in any petty actions to hurt you, and I certainly wouldn't destroy your things. Everything I've done has been in the interest of giving our marriage a chance to survive, not to hurt you or inconvenience you.

I've been talking to you, emailing you a couple times every week, trying to see how you're doing and letting you know I'm ok.

I've never made any physical threats against you, and never would. You know that, I know that, and my chain of command knows that. If you'd like to dig yourself in deeper with them, here are their email addresses: (insert email addresses)

I'm not willing to discuss the details of a separation. I'm willing to discuss the issues we need to in order to rebuild our marriage. I still value our marriage, and I value you, and I intend to honor my commitment to you and our marriage as best I'm able.

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Also considering sending her email on to my chain of command so they'll have a heads up that she's trying to blackmail me into giving her her stuff.

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I just got the tracking number for her birthday present, looks like it might make it on time after all.

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Hey Gurka - Glad you got the DVD order straightened out!

Wow, sounds like your W has gone off the deep end!!! I think you're right in sending your CofC (both at Ft. Polk and downrange) a heads up on her e-mail. It appears that she's going to try and twist this around to make you out to be the bad guy. Again, I think most of this is just bluffing on her part, and you have done absolutely nothing wrong, so you don't have any worries if she does follow through with her threats.

Your e-mail looked good. I'll give it some more thought and reply in a separate post...

105 degrees so far... and it's getting hotter! Iraq sucks...

Semper Fi,

RIF

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Man, she really takes the wind out of your sails. I would still send my suggested e-mail, and not respond to her threats. Don't argue with her. She is still trying to goad you. At the most, p.s her in it that her stuff is safe. Don't even mention anything about her absurd accusation regarding you hurting her. Make her seem to be the imbalanced one. Be above it.

I do think her first sentence about "I don't see how you think you are going to stay married to me without ever talking to me, but clearly none of this is working" is very telling. It seems as though she is trying to convince herself almost.

Last edited by ouchthathurt; 05/14/10 06:03 AM.
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I worked up a better draft response with less LBs in it:
I simply don't see how it will be possible for you to get anything from my house until I get back to the states. I've given you no indication that I would destroy your stuff, or do anything for the purpose of inconveniencing or hurting you. I've done my best to offer you emotional and financial support from the day this all started, and tried to be the best husband I can be. I've been civil in our conversations, and clear in my intentions. I still value you, and I still value our marriage. We made a commitment to each other, and I have no intention of bailing just when we've gotten to the "worse" part of "for better or worse." Nothing has happened that can't be worked through, and other people have made it through much worse. I have no interested in discussing the details of ending our marriage. If you'd like to discuss how to move forward and rebuild our marriage, I'm available to talk any time. We both know that I have never threatened you with violence or laid a hand on you and I never would, so I urge you to be honest with yourself and with others in that regard.

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Normal WW responses.

She gets sweat just enough to get you to follow her agenda. Which a BH never should do.

When that does not work the WW's then fall back to threatening their BH.

Let her threaten. You have a chain of emails where the WW only writes about her feeling threatened. WW never shows proof of threats.

WW has dug her own grave with her lies and now is throwing the dirt on top of herself now.

Stand fast.

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Right. She can't provide any proof of threats because they never happened. She's imagined them, and I assume told them to her friends\family.

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Can you get a digital voice recorder over there? I might start recording all phone conversations in case she starts making up more trouble.

I might also give her family a heads-up that she might be going off the deep end.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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I have a windows mobile phone that can record phone calls.

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Quote
I'm going to need my stuff and I want to see how we are going to arrange that. I have this feeling that you will destroy it all when you get back--since you are being completely unreasonable at this point. For that reason I do not want to wait till I PCS to retrieve it. We need to be able to talk about the details of this stuff.


Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't there something in the divorce papers that she sent you about joint property? I'd make sure that you mention that in your reply.

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I don't see how you think you are going to stay married to me without ever talking to me, but clearly none of this is working.


You're right, I don't see how we're going to stay married when you won't talk with me and work to rebuild our marriage.

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There are things that I need to try to work out before I class up and my own personal safety to ensure.


I agree, your personal safety has always been one of my biggest concerns for you while you were with LT-OM. I'm glad that you are working things out.

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I highly suggest that you contact me soon and be prepared to have a civil and reasonable conversation with me.


I'd love to talk with you again. I really enjoyed hearing your voice the other day when you called. Please let me know what time works best for you and I'll give you a call.

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I am at the point of writing your chain of command concerning the threats that you have made toward me and the instability overall that you are demonstrating. If we don't have a productive conversation soon I will be doing that next.


I know how busy you must be, so I've taken the liberty of CC-ing our chains of command (make sure you CC the investigating officer too) so they will understand where we both stand. I'm sure that they have bigger issues to deal with so this will provide them all with one e-mail instead of multiple ones.

_________________________________________

I'd be very careful in responding to ANYTHING she says about abuse... It's like the old saying "So when did you stop beating your wife...?" There's really no good answer and it just puts you in a defensive position right away if you respond to her.

Your second draft looked good too... Hopefully I've given you some more ideas on how to respond to her e-mail. Again, I would shoot both CofC's a copy of her e-mail along with the investigating officer, then CC them in your reply to her e-mail...

Semper Fi,

RIF

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Ok, latest draft:
I simply don't see how it will be possible for you to get anything from my house until I get back to the states. I've given you no indication that I would destroy your stuff, or do anything for the purpose of inconveniencing or hurting you. I've done my best to offer you emotional and financial support from the day this all started, and tried to be the best husband I can be. I've been civil in our conversations, and clear in my intentions. I still value you, and I still value our marriage. We made a commitment to each other, and I have no intention of bailing just when we've gotten to the "worse" part of "for better or worse." Nothing has happened that can't be worked through, and other people have made it through much worse. I have no interested in discussing the details of ending our marriage. If you'd like to discuss how to move forward and rebuild our marriage, I'm available to talk any time. I've been trying to talk to you in regular emails, and I agree that it's going to be hard to stay married if you don't talk back and help to rebuild our marriage.

We both know that I have never threatened you with violence or laid a hand on you and I never would, so I urge you to be honest with yourself and with others in that regard. I have made my Chain of Command aware that you may accuse me of threatening you. You can reach my BN commander @ XXXXXX. He has been privy to all of our written conversations since this all began (including this one, where you threaten to make accusations in order to get your things,) so I wouldn't expect a great deal of sympathy from him when you make outrageous claims without proof.

The only thing I have done, is lived my life and my marriage in the light. It is what I require from my wife and a fellow officer. Nothing that has been reported or conveyed along the chain of command is done out of spite, but with a deep disappointment and sorrow. I initially tried to reconcile our relationship with love and understanding. But your failure to break off your affair with Frost left me no alternative but to act in any way possible that would end your affair and give our marriage a chance. I am sorry if the path that you left me creates a larger gulf between us. But I was left no choice. I love you and hope that when this situation is resolved that we can focus on reconciling our marriage. As always, I am here for you and will love and support you in any way I can.

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Gerka-I like RIF's idea. It is a lot of reverse fog babble and will confuse your WW. Why don't you simply write what RIF wrote and leave out the rest. DO NOT ENGAGE A WAYWARD. YOU WILL NOT WIN.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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Hey Gurka - I like it!

Just a few comments for your consideration...

Quote
I simply don't see how it will be possible for you to get anything from my house until I get back to the states.


Consider changing to: "It will be very hard for you to get anything from OUR house until I return. We can work out the details later as my re-deployment date gets closer. For now, rest assured that all of your belongings are safe, and covered under our insurance policy."

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We both know that I have never threatened you with violence or laid a hand on you and I never would, so I urge you to be honest with yourself and with others in that regard.

Your personal safety has always been one of my biggest concerns while you were involved in the affair with LT-OM. I'm sorry to see that you are threatening me and I urge you to be honest with yourself and with others in that regard.

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I have made my Chain of Command aware that you may accuse me of threatening you. You can reach my BN commander @ XXXXXX. He has been privy to all of our written conversations since this all began (including this one, where you threaten to make accusations in order to get your things,) so I wouldn't expect a great deal of sympathy from him when you make outrageous claims without proof.


Consider deleting: "so I wouldn't expect a great deal of sympathy from him when you make outrageous claims without proof."

Quote
The only thing I have done, is lived my life and my marriage in the light. It is what I require from my wife and a fellow officer. Nothing that has been reported or conveyed along the chain of command is done out of spite, but with a deep disappointment and sorrow. I initially tried to reconcile our relationship with love and understanding.


Consider changing: The only thing I have done, is lived my life and my marriage vows to you in the light. Nothing that I've reported or conveyed to the chain of command was done out of spite. My sole reason for exposing your affair to the chain of command was to gain their assistance in ending your affair with LT-OM and providing us with an opportunity to rebuild our M.

Quote
But your failure to break off your affair with Frost left me no alternative but to act in any way possible that would end your affair and give our marriage a chance. I am sorry if the path that you left me creates a larger gulf between us. But I was left no choice.


Consider deleting this... it sounds "preachy" and like you're trying to educate her. ...and you shouldn't be appologizing to her for the large gulf between you... that's her's to own.

Last edited by RIF; 05/14/10 07:02 AM.
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Changes made, message sent. I'm expecting a fiery response to this one.

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I'm expecting a fiery response to this one.


Yep, and don't be surprised if your phone starts ringing...

If it does, you know the drill... stay on you message, don't get sucked into any arguments. Agree with her then babble back to her accusations...

Semper Fi,

RIF

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I'm feeling more and more detached from this situation. I think this MB "system" is making me feel that way. Like I'm not in the situation, but above it, controlling it, watching her follow a script. It just doesn't seem so personal anymore.

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Hey Gurka,

That's a good thing! ...and yes, you ARE in control. Your wife is the one that's second guessing herself and coming up with all sorts of "stories" to justify her actions.

I'm still laughing at her accusations of "abuse" and how she's "affraid" of you!!! I've been thinkin about that and it might be coming from her lawyer... or maybe one of her affair enabling friends. Anyway, I just don't see how a rational person could make a claim like that while their spouse is 7,000 miles away in combat zone!

You're doing great Gurka! I'm glad that you realize that you are in charge of this situation!

Semper Fi,

RIF

Last edited by RIF; 05/14/10 07:41 AM. Reason: Can't Spell...
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She wrote me back:
There was no threat of going to your chain of command that was at all connected with my request to retrieve my stuff. But you are becoming extremely good at rewrting history, so I just hope that this whole little story of what***edit*** to keep you happy in the future, because u have used it to end our marriage

Last edited by JustUss; 05/15/10 10:29 AM. Reason: safety
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Record the conversation when she calls, and she'll probably call by tomorrow morning your time. In fact, I bet she doesn't care if it is 0300, if she wants to yell at you, she's not going to be considerate enough to do it at a reasonable hour.

Try to get her to talk about anything other than your relationship. Ask her about her sister and the wedding preparations, plans for her birthday, etc. I know she won't talk about it.

As for the stuff and the marriage, tell her you have made your decision, and you are not talking about it anymore. "We're not going to agree, so let's just drop it and move on."


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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