Well what's done is done, so pack his bags while he is gone and write your plan B letter. Get your IM ready and when he returns, give him his bags and the letter. You cannot keep doing the R talk during plan A so yes, plan b. Make sure you arrange now with your OB and the hospital to not allow your WH anywhere near you or the baby. Did you arrange for someone to be with you during labor? Do you have a back up plan for DD2? Do you have transportation to the hospital? Get all of your ducks in a row and then some.

Do your local laws allow you to change the locks? If not, get his keys when you give him his bags. If you have a remote for your garage, change the code.

NP,

So sorry that you are going thorough this. I think you are doing a very good job under extremely difficult circumstances. Personally, I think that any man that would do this to a wife while she is pregnant is extremely selfish, entitled and cruel (even more then the typical wayturd). I know that all waywards suck azz, but to do this during a time that should be one of the most amazing experiences a couple can go through is just beyond my comprehension.

Great job on recognizing that your LB is getting close to the red. You must get into Plan B before it is completely drained. I waited to long to go to Plan B and ended up reaching the point of no return with a completely empty LB. I'm in Plan D now and there is nothing that WW could do to turn things around now although she has tried. Don't let yourself reach that point. Protect the remaining love you have for WH by going to Plan B. It's your best chance at holding your family together.

Thanks Faith. I have my Plan B letter all ready to give him (wrote it last week), and my IM set up. I plan on not being around when he stops by to pick up his things - I will have a friend there to meet him and help him load things. My DD can go to my mom's house when I go into labour and either my brother can care for her and my mom can come to the hospital, or the other way around. My brother can drive me when I go into labour.

I will have to look into changing the locks. I didn't know there were laws that could prevent me from doing so! Anyway if I get his keys, he can't get in through the garage because we have another door into the house that will be kept locked.

Margie and Mindshare - thank you. This hurts like h3ll! Mindshare - just to add fuel to the fire, he was having an affair BEFORE he got me pregnant. And he pretended he was on board with having another baby and pretended to be HAPPY about it. He only recently admitted that his first thought was, "Well, this makes things more difficult..."

NP,

Sorry it came to this but you probably knew it would....

I think you handled it with class and grace. Stick to what you said though, don't get into a discussion with him about it, go DARK!

Did your DD come early? How is the pregnancy progressing? Please think only of yourself and your two children right now, any day longer before you deliver is better for the baby. Try to have peace within yourself, even though the outside is more like a war zone!

Even if you can't change the locks, you can install the motel-style locks that a person has to open on the inside. Then, if you change the code on the garage, you can still keep him out whether you're there or not.

Remember you're in Plan A right up till the moment he gets your PBL. Even though you've told him to move out, keep right on being your wonderful you till the last second.

NO R TALK! Asking (telling) him to move out was fine; don't repeat your mistakes with R talk. Other than that, carry on as planned.

Just got an email back saying how I was so self absorbed and unwilling to accept responsibility for my part in the destruction of our relationship. Sad thing is, I DID accept my part and have been working my butt off to meet the needs I didn't before! AND he knows it too. He's trying to turn it around back on me. NO mention of what HE did to our marriage....

He ended by saying he has to think about it a lot more and we can talk when he gets back. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Do I tell him this or just go ahead with the plan?

Translation: "Fog fog fog I don't want to leave but I want OW too fog fog fog."

Don't try to argue with or educate a wayward. Stick to your plan, and move his hiney out. Go into Plan B.

You don't need to say any more about it - just have his stuff ready to go. If he brings it up, something like, "I'm not willing to live with someone who continues to contact their adultery partner. How's the weather out there?" will work well.

Stop trying to educate him! It all has been said before anyway. You just cannot reason with a wayward, they loose their ability to reason when they reverte back to being teenagers!

Squirrel!

So sorry to hear this NP. This is extremely wretched behavior even for a wayward! This really ticks me off!!

Don't engage in any more discussion with him at this point. You have set your boundary now follow through. Make sure his stuff is packed and ready to go when he returns. If you don't follow through he will always think that you have nothing but empty threats. You need to do this and you need to get yourself into a place of peace for the remaining month plus of your pregnancy. You and the lil bean need and deserve it. You need to remove this addt'l stress from your life. You've set the stage to do so, now it's time to follow-through.

You can do this NP. You've already shown what a strong woman and mother that you are by just getting to this point. Follow through.

THANK you for the support, everyone!

I fully plan on being a superb wife until the minute he leaves (I told him the end of next week). I will not engage in any more R talk with him and I will not push the issue. As far as I am concerned, he can blame me all he wants but this affair is independent of any problems he may have had in our marriage. I informed him I was no longer interested in talking about it - he knows what the cost of continuing contact with her is.

Talked to him a short while ago and he said, "If don't want me to go up north, I won't go! Just say so!" So I nicely responded I didn't want him to go, but it was up to him. Of course it seems like he's still going...

Which is perfectly fine. I'm going to drop DD off at my mom's this weekend and use the time alone to get some of his stuff packed. My heart hurts like crazy but my mind is made up. I cannot and will not keep allowing him to cake eat while I suffer the affects of his affair.

You rock NP. You have a plan. All that is left to do is execute it. No R talk at all! Plan B just around the corner. It is absolutely time for you to shift your focus to the health and well being of you and lil bean. Stress is the enemy of your pregnancy right now. You must do all you can to eliminate it.

Keep on keeping on......

NP,

All this drama and plotting isn't doing you any good, which means it isn't doing the baby any good. I know you want to save your marriage, but the baby is more important right now.

Remember, everything happens for a reason and God has given you the blessing of another child. Please embrace this gift and put this on the front burner.

No more reading his e-mails/text messages. No more R talk. Prepare for the little one and pack this w/e. Put calming music on, take a bath, read fiction, no R books!

When is your last day at work? Did they guestimate how big the baby might be?

Thanks BA! That is what I plan to do while he's away....just have time for me and the kids and packing up his stuff! I'm SO TIRED of all the drama and I really don't feel like talking to him about it anymore. I don't feel like talking to him AT ALL right now, actually, so I'm almost looking forward to him being gone. It'll be like a mini Plan B for me.

It's going to be a beautiful weekend (finally, no more snow!) so I'm planning on getting out and enjoying it! Hoping to find time to take DD somewhere nice, maybe for a bbq in the park or something.

My last day of work is coming up soon - June 15! I'm looking forward to it, as it's getting hard to sit for too long these days. I'm back in a "sleepy" stage of pregnancy too so sitting in front of the computer all day is NOT helping. They said they can't tell how big the baby is but I think it's definitely bigger than my daughter for sure. He's a squirmy little one too - definitely ready for him to come out!

So WH called me when I was on my way home and said he had just been waiting to hear about the results of OW's health tests before he "broke the bad news" to her. The tests came back fine, as I knew they would. He now says he is willing to end his relationship and will break contact with her. He left for the field and we said the coldest good bye we've ever said when he's left for work.

I have a few days to think about things but what do I do now? Make him leave still? Give him a chance to see if he's genuine? I know he's not doing this for me, and he said he's still not willing to commit to our marriage. I think he's doing this because he realized I was serious about him not being around for the birth and for the first few weeks.

So what do I do????

stick with your plan, I think.... sounds like cake-eating, making you believe he's ending it, and so on... be strong, stick to what YOU want to do.

Well, I would still go to plan B unless he meets your conditions immediately. You have already been through 3 ddays and I don't want to see you go through another one. You may say (I would ask Neak) that he needs to write a NC letter, approved by you and mailed by you. Give you complete access to everything and counsel with Steve Harley.

This is very concerning:


If he isn't willing to commit to the marriage then you definitely need to stick to your plan and go plan B. You have a baby coming very soon and you should not put yourself and lil bean at risk of the stress of another d-day before the baby is born. Your marriage is important but right now at this moment the health of you and your baby trumps everything. I firmly believe you should stick to the plan.

I agree. You have conditions spelled out that he has to meet in order to come back from Plan B, right? He still has to meet those conditions. NC is great, but at this point it's too little, too late. ALL of your conditions being met is what needs to happen. He still needs to go.