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Originally Posted By: tst
[But when I showed up on the forums some of the posts to me were attacks. It didn't cause me to cut and run. Some posts disappeared entirely from my thread because they were considered to harsh by the moderators. I still didn't cut and run....



My rant is about unrecovered fogged out waywards who come here and cry victim when the truth is levelled on this forum. BUT, they only whine about the 2x4s levelled at WAYWARDS. STRANGELY, they say nothing about the 2x4s aimed at betrayed spouses, who receive many more 2x4s than anyone else.

Show me a wayward who whines about 2x4's and I will show you an UNRECOVERED WAYWARD. Being angry about 2x4s is a sign the person is not recovered. And for them, I have only this to say: dramaqueen


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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When you are sick enough, you don't care about the doctor's bedside manner. You just want to be healthy again. If you are sick enough of being wayward, you won't care how the truth is delivered, you just want to do what's right. People who get that they are wrong are rarely defensive.

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See, when I was NEW here, betrayed spouses were routinely attacked by waywards when they said anything negative about adultery. Fogged out waywards had the run of the board and were never challenged, only BS's were challenged and chastised. As a newcomer, I was called out - BY NAME - in a call out thread by a WAYWARD WIFE and chastised for daring to compliment one of the FEW WS's who was actually recovered. [I was accused of making a "disrespectful judgement" to OTHER WS's by complimenting one of them] All the WS's here were hateful, hostile, entitled and full of excuses why they had affairs. It made me want to vomit. I used to leave this board enraged at the flagrant moral relativism.

WW's from gloryb used to come over here and troll the board by attacking the BS's. The BS were chastised all the time when they said anything negative about adultery or defended themselves from the gloryb sewer rats. They were shut down by telling them not to make "disrespectful judgments."

This was posted to me TWO WEEKS after I made my 1st post: call out thread to Melodylane

In my first post, I was told by a wayward wife that I should put all my energy into "rebuilding trust" instead of snooping. here

My, oh my, how things have changed. You bet your sweet ass things have changed. smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted By: lurioosi2
When you are sick enough, you don't care about the doctor's bedside manner. You just want to be healthy again. If you are sick enough of being wayward, you won't care how the truth is delivered, you just want to do what's right. People who get that they are wrong are rarely defensive.


AGREE. People who really want help cannot be driven off by WILD HORSES. I was as wayward as they come when I arrived in Alcoholics Anonymous 25 years ago. They told me to "take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth" because they didn't want to hear my crap. I was told "young lady, bull**** has a very short shelf life around here."

I realized VERY QUICKLY that if I wanted help I was going to have to get honest OR LEAVE because you can't bull**** a bull****er. I could not bs those people. It is the folks who don't want to get honest who run. Those who are sincere stay here and get honest.

THANK GOD THOSE PEOPLE CARED ENOUGH ABOUT ME TO TELL ME THAT!! If they had just told me what I wanted to hear, I wouldn't have made it. I remember those caring folks fondly. I don't give a crap about the cowards who just told me what I wanted to hear. They were not my friends. I didn't need slobbering, inappropriate sympathy, I needed a boot in my ass.



"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Hey luri ......

HappyBirthday

nice to know that I'm in good company! haha!

need a rant don't I ...... I have cooked Kraft dinner and cleaned toilets all day so far with no thanks from my testosterone filled room-mates dramaqueen


M'd 22 years
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D-Day 08/08 LTA


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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane


My rant is about unrecovered fogged out waywards who come here and cry victim when the truth is levelled on this forum.


Rant 'o' day
(from phone .... Excuse errors)

If whomever wants a certain flavor of messages sent to any WS or BS, please, lead by example. YOU be the light. YOU be the one. YOU blow the rest of us away with YOUR wisdom, generosity, and unrefutable advice to others.

If YOU know what we should do, but YOU will not do it yourownself, the poor defensless wayward ( as described by Mel ) is missing out on YOUR input, and aren't YOU then as "guilty" as the rest of us who are mean & harsh.

Have you ever seen how happy we are when the wayward gets "it" ?

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Pepperband! Where yoo ben? On a second hunnymoon with your DH or somethin'?


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Originally Posted By: KiwiJ
If anyone had treated me like the way WSs are treated now I would not be here and recovered.


Kiwi, just wanted to point out that you DIDN'T "recover." You hooked up with your OM a couple of years ago [after you had been here for years] and refused to tell your husband. *I* called your husband in New Zealand and told him myself. I wouldn't be holding myself up as a shining example of someone who "recovered" due to some mythical softer, gentler "old days" if I were you. Because you did not recover.

Even so, you are personally responsible for your own recovery and can't blame others if you refuse to follow this freely offered program. I still don't see any indication that anything has ever changed. You STILL identify with waywards by defending them, and don't seem to have the slightest understanding of this program.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Funny how those who do nothing to help are always so quick to criticize those that do help.

Where are you with your expertise as to how to deal with WS's? Why aren't you out there doing the heavy lifting, like so many others that spend HOURS a day holding hands & guiding? It's much easier to pop in once a month or two & judge.

Got news for you....as a BS I was discouraged from posting when I joined back in "those good ol' days." When I joined in 1998 I had already discovered my H's LTA, we had decided to recover but I was ANGRY. I was told by the "then vets" I had to "get over it", work on myself, & I must enjoy feeling angry or I'd do something about it. No helpful advice, no suggestions as to how I could accomplish this, no links to Dr Harley's articles. Just posts mocking me, telling me they could hear violins playing in the background & see tumbleweeds floating across the prairie while they read my posts. Unfortunately my original user name & these posts were lost in the MB crash of 1999. I didn't leave. I started reading,,and reading more.

Read back on your old posts. Yes, you were lucky,,,lucky to have SOOO MANY members, willing to carry the load, take you by the hand & deliver that dose of reality when needed. MANY members trying to help you, not just one.


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Originally Posted By: lurioosi2
When you are sick enough, you don't care about the doctor's bedside manner. You just want to be healthy again. If you are sick enough of being wayward, you won't care how the truth is delivered, you just want to do what's right. People who get that they are wrong are rarely defensive.
Simply brilliant, luri!!


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me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
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DS 15
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Originally Posted By: Mulan
Pepperband! Where yoo ben? On a second hunnymoon with your DH or somethin'?


Sompin like dat.

Fixing up 2 houses at the same time.
Misplacing stuff. (My awesome computer glasses ??? MrRollieEyes Are where ???)
I can't see well without them while on the puter.
Losing my mind.
Forgot architect plans X2 when meeting with contractor. doh2 doh2

My computer is packed away.
Using my H's laptop & my iPhone.

Tomorrow is our 29th anniversary.
Packing for a 2 day R & R.
But first, today I had to go to Macy's to buy panties, coz I can't remember where mine are packed. doh2

We are happy.
We are busy.
We are crazy.
loveheart

God bless you one and all. kiss

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Sounds like your havin a blast

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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
[quote=KiwiJ]If anyone had treated me like the way WSs are treated now I would not be here and recovered.


Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Kiwi, just wanted to point out that you DIDN'T "recover." You hooked up with your OM a couple of years ago [after you had been here for years] and refused to tell your husband. *I* called your husband in New Zealand and told him myself.


Not to be pedantic but it was not a "couple of years ago" it was 2006, four years ago. I wouldn't call it "hooked up" and neither would my husband but you know best of course.



Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
I wouldn't be holding myself up as a shining example of someone who "recovered" due to some mythical softer, gentler "old days" if I were you. Because you did not recover.


Well I would. You can say what you like. We have completely recovered. What happened in 2003, 2004 and 2006 is in the past for us.

Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Even so, you are personally responsible for your own recovery and can't blame others if you refuse to follow this freely offered program. I still don't see any indication that anything has ever changed. You STILL identify with waywards by defending them, and don't seem to have the slightest understanding of this program.


I have followed the programme, my husband has followed the programme. ****edit**** I love my husband touching me at any time, day or night - he can grab whatever he likes - I LOVE that he finds me desirable, and I don't hide anything from him.

I have NEVER defended a wayward. Not once. I just see what works and what doesn't.

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Jen, nothing that you said about my marriage is true, so I don't feel the need to defend it. But I do know that a self proclaimed "recovered" person does not hook up with her OM again as you did. A "recovered" person doesn't refuse to tell her husband about the contact, forcing people like myself to call your H and tell him. Hopefully you haven't rewritten history and are now denying it.

Arguing over whether it was 4 years or 2 years is just a distraction and does nothing to change my point. The point is that you had a resumption in your affair after your proclaimed "recovery."

A recovered person does not identify with and defend WAYWARDS.

You do all that.

Nor have I EVER seen any evidence that you have the slightest idea about the Marriage Builders program. You sure don't post about it. I doubt you know the difference between a POJA and baloney sandwich. The only posts I see from you are drive by posts in defense of waywards [characterizing them as "victims"] every few months and a few posts on chat threads.

You said that you wouldn't have recovered without JL's help when you arrived, yet you resumed your affair some years afterwards. So, your idea of "recovery" is very questionable in my view.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted By: KiwiJ
[I have NEVER defended a wayward. Not once. I just see what works and what doesn't.


Well yes you did defend waywards. On this very thread. You not only defend them, you identify with them. You always do. You have never evolved beyond that FOGGED out wayward state.

Nor do you have any idea what "works." You are not recovered yourself so you wouldn't know. And you don't help others around here so you wouldn't have the slightest idea what "works."


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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******************edit******************

Last edited by Fireproof; 05/16/10 12:48 AM. Reason: TOS - personal attack

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EDIT

Last edited by MBsurvivor; 05/16/10 12:58 AM. Reason: contact the moderator directly

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We are locking this thread now.


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