Okay, so it is getting closer and closer to the time we pack up our house and move. The closer I get the more I think I don't want to go....is that just fear? Fear of the unknown. I am in such conflict right now...Day by day, one at a time.....that is what I keep telling myself.

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You can do this Broken. It is a big leap, but a leap made in faith.

Hi there Broken,
It's just the unknown that you are afraid of, what's the worst that can happen, you have to relocate again.
The two of you have come a long way in a short time and I've read both sides, I think you have a great future together if you both try to understand each other and makes things good between you again....
This marriage/family is worth a shot at least...
Imagine life without him ........then think of a better relationship with him.......I think the latter can be great if you let it............good luck

Thanks guys. I took a different move last night...I asked him to sleep on the couch and then went down and brought him back up. I told him that I know I have to try and move past this and start doing positive moves instead of negative. I know I don't want to be without him now....I just have to move past the hurt. I know this is where I want to be....and I know it is going to be alot of hard work....I think it will be great once this is past us. These ups and downs have to slow down at some point and time right??? I am now ready to help make it slow down....ready to try and put this behind me. you know, writing this is the first time I realized that yes...this is what I want to do. so, go forward......and do everything to stop looking back.

I am working on it TST.....

isn't that the truth...that's all I have here now isn't it....faith.....Well, I am leaping

I see on your H's thread that OW found the home phone # and is now harrassing you....

I want to stongly caution you.....

DO NOT suggest or allow H to talk to OW at all! Dr. H strongly suggests against this as it can reignite the A.

If you have a desire to talk to OW and find out what she want's... that's up to you, but please do not send your H on a fools errand to see what a bunny boiler OW want's.... Truth is, all OW want's is your H and she knows she must destroy your M in the process in order to get another shot with him.

I'm sorry this OW is still trying to do more harm to you. You would think she would have enough of a conscience to stop interfering in your marriage. Do not fool yourself, OW has no conscience. Her actions prove she is still a liar and a destroyer!

I strongly recommend that you help your H eliminate any way for OW to intrude in your marriage any further.

SchoolBus, so true to say that WS thinking is screwed up and the other part you wrote about them trying to justify it. MY FWH explained it that if he had ever been truthful with himself he would have seen the fantasy for what it was, so he lied to himself right along with lying to me. He sees that now, but in the fog he saw nothing.

Broken, you are so lucky to have SB in your corner because so many wise words to you all in the same thread. Not sure if I missed anyone saying this to you so I'm sorry if it is a repeat. To me, being a Christian, forgiveness comes easy if I believe that God forgives me my sins. What I am working on is trying to forget, which if I am honest with myself will never happen. My life will always be defined as before the A and after the A. I do pray with time it will fade somewhat and not be such a sharp pain and maybe become a dull ache.

I hope your leap of faith works out great for you and one day you look back and are glad you jumped!!!!!

I hope your leap of faith works out great for you and one day you look back and are glad you jumped!!!!!


Me too.

I tried talking to OW but she wouldn't. She got mad that WH wouldn't talk to her and left some choice words on the answering machine. Thing is....she is calling because of the emails I sent her....I guess I finally hit a nerve. I don't know why I wanted to know from her her side....it doesn't help any, actually maybe hurt worse. She wouldn't give me that....but she talked about how good a father and husband my WS is.....How the hell can she think that?? Anyway, I am still taking the leap....Not sure how positive I am about it....the hurt is still like a fresh cut....That is just taking forever to heal. I told WH that I think I am holding myself back alot...everytime I start to enjoy myself or think things are going good I start to pull back....not really sure why, protections thing I guess.

I am certainly not positive that I am making the right move...sometimes a huge part of me just wants to put my hands up and throw in the towel....seems like it would be easier that way. I am in no way any less confused or any less hurt than I was the day I found out. I ask myself all the time why I even have this man in my house...is it love???? or is it just a comfortable feeling that I want right now??? This is a huge step I am taking, some parts I am looking forward to and some steps I am not.....I hope this is all normal because I don't feel normal right now. One day at a time right????

Forget one DAY at a time, sometimes it is going to be one MOMENT at a time. Have you read through all of SAA? Have you two developed a recovery plan?

Broken,

I actually had several e-mails back and forth between me and OW. I would not recommend it to anyone. She lied as bad as he did and it was very hard to read her words of her love for my H. How they were meant to be (high school sweethearts and all). She did apologize....blah blah blah. She was all happy that I would NOT tell her H or her kids so they would never find out what she did. I did tell. Just remember, cheaters LIE, so trying to get her side or the truth is futile.

Scotland is right. Some days it is taking one hour at a time or a minute at a time....just whatever it takes to get through it.

Okay, so the OW said that WH is a good father and husband. So, I asked...did you discuss us with her? After some thought he said yes......then I asked what about....and he said that they had talked about how wrong this was and that it shouldn't be done and they continued anyway.....WTF!!!! I don't know...I am leaning more foward to just keeping the family in the same state now as to fixing my marriage.....this is wrong on so many levels....he knew it....even discussed it but continued anyway....such disregard for me and the kids.....why should I give up everything for that?????? I want to be close to family and I want him to be close to his kids....as for me....I may be throwing in the towel.....why shouldn't I????

hi broken,
stop talking to her, she is trying to put doubt in your mind and you are letting her.....forget it, she is a liar and will do what she has to. She is trying to get under your skin in order to cause trouble between you and your husband.
Don't take her calls, don't read the emails. just stick to your plan to work things out with your husband.....
He isn't talking to her or doing anything to hurt you.....remember that.....
don't let her take anymore from you......look at the big picture....

JT, it isn't what OW wrote in the email...it is what he said after I questioned him. He was in no fog during this relationship..he told me that they discussed how wrong it was....he tells me that he knew how wrong it was....how can I live with such disregard for me. I deserve so much more....He tells me everyday that he loves me and he is sorry....but you know what....at this moment none of that matters to me. He was well aware of everything he was doing.....and now he wants forgiveness that I am not going to give. I am so angry right now...I could spit! My roller coaster ride is coming to a stop. My only concern right now is that my kids have a father they can see when they want to see him. I will be closer to my family and I will have support that I need so desperately right now. I am done....
do you all really think that even though WH knew exactly what he was doing, knew how wrong it was, continued to do it anyway, get mad at me when I questioned him, lied to me for 6+months that I should just say okay and try.....Not gonna happen here. Sorry If I disappointed any of you but I am done. Thanks for all the support....I truely appreciated it. now It is time for me to move on past this.

b5s, I haven't posted much on your sitch because you've been getting great advice that I would've just dittoed. But there's one thing I want to mention - it seems like when you hear things your WH said to OW about you, your M, your family, you feel like giving up. I understand that. Every new revelation from my FWH about the things they talked about made me sick. It set back my healing. It made me want to throw our marriage out and just give up. After all, look what HE did, right?

I think conversation about me and my family is personal to me. And H invaded MY privacy when he spoke my name to her, or my children's name. Hell, even knowing that she knew and said my DOG'S name set me off! He took our personal, intimate lives and put them out there for his and another woman's pleasure. What right did she have to know what grades my son gets!

That's what I went through, and I think you're going through a similar thing - it's not just the physical A, but the betrayal of your identity. I gotcha on that. So, may I suggest you keep going forward? Okay, you can throw in the towel, but then go pick it up. Okay? Because eventually you will come to this realization: OW wanted what YOU have. All of it. All of your life, the intimacy with your H and family, all the good things she heard your H talk about. And she can't have it. YOU own it. Know that and enjoy the realization.

Broken, your husband is only trying to be honest with you, I remember and still do all the pain the truth brought into my life...
That's the hard part our belief system to what we believed our husband's to be and the value we thought our marriage vows had were all destroyed by a decision we had no control over....
I agree with maritalbliss the OW wanted your life because it was a life one would want. This is your life don't let anyone take it from you........Your husband sounds truly sorry for what he has done to you and your marriage and family.....
He sounds like he is willing to do what it takes to make things right.....
I know you are mad, I was too, but I believe in forgiveness and keeping the love and family together, it's not easy but I think in the end it will be worth it for both of us.....