Well, I did get a little chance to talk to Dad yesterday. Mom is VERY WAYWARD. She WILL NOT write a NC letter. She says there is noting there between her and POSOM anymore. I told her that didn't matter. She says she still needs to talk to him to get some loose ends tied up. SHE REFUSES to come on here. I TRIED. I even offered to set up the account for her and help her log on. I told her she could come to my house(they don't have the internet there).

Dad is getting used to living with someone again. They are getting PLENTY of UA time, so that's at least a step in the right direction. They even sleep in the same bed every night, which they hadn't done in probably close to 15 years. My Dad says it is because they got rid of the couch so he has no where else to sleep. I'm not asking about anything else in that regard, they ARE my PARENTS.

Been taking care of the house. Did a lot of outside work today. Almost killed myself when I used the electric hedge clippers and cut the cord with them. OOPS

All else quiet on the Bampot front. Just the way I like it.

So how big is your bank of loonies? Hmmmm????

I really admire your strength Scotty... it's been amazing to watch you grow and see you now give advice that is spot on to others. Just amazing. Keep it up girlfriend!

Thanx PM. That pickle jar is growing at a much SLOWER rate. I don't count the things on here, just because I need this place. DSx2 feel like they are the "Daddy's in a pickle jar police." They say, "Mommy you thought about Daddy today. That's one LOONIE," and then they put it in. They also make sure we spend them too.

It's funny. I didn't even realize I had grown until I re-read my thread a few days ago. I wanna SMACK that old Scotty. Glad she(Oh NOOOOOO now I am talking in 3rd person) had such wonderful people guiding her. THANK YOU(I don't think I have said that in a while).

Hey Scottie, third person-talk is under-rated. Take it from TBC......

TBC

Shouldn'ta wandered into my force field.

tl

You mean I'm not supposed to be talking in the third person to myself?, or my evil twin?

Oh Man the "Daddys in the pickle Jar Police" one is a doosey. MeThinks.



I wonder what Mom is afraid of and why she won't come to the site? Does she think she will be crucified for going Wayward? It should be made clear that although thier are ppl here that will be hard on her while understanding how people can screw up....

and lets not forget those who will be hard and just wanna be the marriage police, (Not that thats a totally bad thing mind you), that might not want to admit that they too could have fallen given the right circumstances and are just cruel with nothing but critisizm and no desire to support.


..In the long run the founder of MB and the spirit of this site is to help her heal from the suffering and confusion she is now experiencing and she can trust that authority and the spirit behind it is love.

If she can get here first then maybe as she opens up her thinking to MB she will realize how much she can heal and also will be able to help your Dad connect to. But you know that anyways and Im preachin to the choir.

Here is an observation I have made through the years that I will share with you and along with an attempt to help you if it applies and I would love feedback.


When someone is suffering from wrong thinking that is destructive such as drug abuse, sex addiction, or just about anything that they feel compelled to involve themselves in out of fear and they hit a brick wall that causes them to really look at themselves they ussually don't like what they see at first,(well duh thats why they were running to begin with).
After being forced to look at themselves for awhile hopefully they come to a place where they realize thier own evaluation of themselves is flawed and has gotten them into all this trouble to begin with. ..They really don't know what they needed and many of the thoughts and things they surrounded themselves with that they thought/felt were keeping them safe/loved were just vain imaginations.

This can be something that effects people of all types at different times in thier lives and does not just represent the chronically mentally /emotionally ill. Revelations are a life long process as long as we are seekers. Its our nature to seek a better life. Its the boudaries within we set for ourselves that protect us.

So... What happens many times that on that precipice we find ourselves where we understand we need to change while we are so afraid and alone that we suffer but its only the false securities we think/feel we have lost that cause the suffering because it, (lets use a false sense of value through material gain as an example),....it=money and its unhealthy sublimation of self-worth reguarding ourselves that is lost.
But it was quite a habit, distraction, enabeler of us to get out of balance and gave us a way to escape how scary and alone we really are.

We see the extremes when people fall really hard but this type of behavior is present in all of us as we come to the realization that we are ultimatly seeking safety and approval from a source outside of ourselves. Call it a belief system which we think if we act in a certain way we can expect certain results and are willing to accept that deal, or on a larger scale we seek some form of guidance and love from an authority that will love us in this decreped human state we find ourselves in. The depth of our desparation is ussually related to our awareness or how painful our circumatances we are in are at the time.


This inner seeking depending on the seriuosness of our need for change can cause us to run away in fear or embrace God depending on our depth of trust we have in Him.
Most of the time we only go as far as we have to untill the pain is gone. Many times we understand why we came to the unhealthy and now painful place we find ourselves in and we stop short of dealing with the emotional forces within ourselves that still have residance in us and bury them, allowing the power of those emotions to live as we hide.

Sometimes we can see how we have been duped into not taking care of ourselves and the way to help others becomes a distraction to our own healing process. Somehow if we can get others healed first or if they can join the club...

I saw this in my own wives journey as she knew more about how much God loved us all but very unwilling to seek out her own fears that drove her to self-abuse and outrageous behavior. She was saved and gave her life to saving others while ignoring issues that caused pain to the closest ppl in her life.

I have seen also that when she failed to save her Mom and Dad or when she failed to change others around her her own faith suffered. It was a constant issue with me and whn she would get depressed i would tell her she was doing all anyone could and encouraged her to find out why it was so important that she help them her popular dodge was,, "Thats what God wants me to do" I would argue "God wants you to love yourself first, charity begins at home, we all need you healthy, love yourself first". Followed with a list of the sacrifices she has made for everyone she had known and how she had earned the right to separate her self-worth from the problems others suffered by thier own choices and that God was able to take care of them.

But that was the problem in her case she was not able to really accept that she was OK unless she was performing. She was conditioned that way as a child. She knew that but wrapped up in the hope of redemtion she preached it to others without ever really experiencing it for more than a small period of time and put herself on a mission of convincing others as the proof within herself that it was true, that God loved her more than she would ever know in this human body because we are all damaged goods. Our understanding of ourselves and our value is flawed and allways will be. As unfair as life can be to us it is never an excuse to abuse ourselves and others and our first responsibility is to love ourselves as God loves us and see ourselves as he does, spiritually he sees us

Isaiah 1:6
From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it; but wounds, and bruises, and putrifying sores: they have not been closed, neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment.


But he loves us weak humans enough to teach us to love one another in healthy ways and as we submit ourselves to the truth that we have emotional issues that we cannot repair without the help of others and the willingness to seek within ourselves whatever false beliefs we have accepted that hurt us and the ones closest to us.


All that just to state one thing for Scotty..
MB works on so many different levels to heal us. One of the most important ones is the realization we come to when we realize it our own choices and behavior that has gotten us where we are and that loving someone and caring for thier needs is something we do with the strength of hope and expectation that it will be returned. When human beings fail to love us we are forced to seek God and those who agrree with Him to care for us. Not really a surprise when we realize God is the author of love.

So we will probably get closer to God and be stronger whether our marriage gets healed or not. If it gets healed we will be thanking God for it most likely.

I am praying that your Mom and Dad can humble themselves to learn from thier daughters example. After all they probably have allways wanted the best for you. Its every parents hope that thier children will have a better life than thiers or at least that they provide a solid physical and moral/spiritual foundation that will serve them well.

Judging by the kind of individual you are Scotty I think they succeeded, and now you can help them with the strength you have recieved from MB and the many awesome and wise here.

Remember though that the intentions your parents started out with somehow got mislead into behavior that has caused them to make a mess out of thier own lives. Although you posess these tools now and are seeking to help them you must practice them first. Thier recovery depends on them and you know that but if thier issues get in the way of your own emotional health not only will you be jepordizing yourself, but your marriage, the kids emotional well-being and those dreams your parents had for you to have a happy life.

With the limited knowledge of what a good character you posess I can only believe that it came from your parents and how they raised you. I am sure Dad and Mom would not want to have anything to do with hurting you even if they can't see the way themselves.

Parents seldom listen to thier childrens advice. It takes a humble person to be corrected by thier child. Even Jesus couldn't teach in his home town because they all saw him as "that carpenters son"


Again I have made this long post because I hoped i could contribute to the health and well-being of Scotty. Take from it what works and ignore whatever assumptions or mislead worries I have expressed.

You are doing well and are gonna rise above so much Scotty. Have a great weekend

{{{{Scotty}}}}},

Naaaaaa, don't smack her......

Oh yes, how you have grown. That's the BEST part of this journey. Being able to see where you've been vs. where you are today. Some people don't re-read old parts of their thread because it's too painful. I totally get that. But it never has been that way for me. I still LOVE re-reading how strong I became. How I changed (for the better of course..... :D). Especially, because H NEVER in a million years thought I would take the route I did back then. My reaction to the affair and to him threw him off-kilter. And I'll never be able to thank those that helped guide me through it.....so give that old Scotty a break, she didn't know any better and was doing the best she could with what she had.......

And you sound much better these past couple of days. I, for one, am so relieved to hear of your decision on those olive branches.....

As for mom......there is NO reason what-so-ever for her to EVER contact OM. If there are some financial entanglements to settle up, either your dad or maybe even YOU can do it. Other than that, there is NOTHING, NADA, ZILCH. Keep after her Scotty. She can't half-azz this......I'm am glad though, she has YOU........

Chin up and chest out.......you ROCK!!!!!

Not

Not-That was exactly what I told Mom too. I told her that she needs to use someone else as an IM with THING. I asked her if she has finished reading SAA. She says she doesn't intend to. I said, "Good luck to you then." She asked what I meant. I told her that SAA and this site would be a GREAT tool to have a GREAT marital recovery after infidelity, but if she thinks she will do better on her own, good luck. It's frustrating. I have to remember that she is wayward. It SUCKS.

Had a nice Bday party for my niece yesterday. We were out all day. Had to see some family friends(BIL's Family which I have adopted as my own ). They hadn't seen me since Bampot left. I had to explain about this site. BIL's cousin had a wife who had an affair. They are nw divorced. He tried to take her back but she wouldn't stop talking to her OM. Of course, I got the, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." HATE that. The family did say they were COMPLETELY SHOCKED when they heard. It always makes me feel good when people say that, because it is what I believe. Bampot is wayward, so his actions NOW are that of a wayward. DH was not like that. Everyone who knows him, sees that.

It will be a real shame for DH to stay this way forever. His choosing though.

Going to the drive-in tonight. It's a holiday weekend so.....4 movies. We will be watching "Shrek forever after", "Iron Man 2", "She's out of my league", "Shutter Island." I don't know if we will be able to stay awake. It will be fun though.

wonder how long the boys will stay awake lol

Well, BIL just dropped me off at home. I am standing on the porch, and who drives up? Bampot. He is 30 minutes EARLY. AHHHHH. I don't think he saw me. I walked into the house.

You sure you want to see Shutter Island and fall asleep during the viewing of it?

We actually left BEFORE Shutter Island. I am interested in watching it though. Shrek was CUTE. Iron Man2, not great. She's out of my League, I am GLAD that the kiddos fell asleep.

Bampot showed up early because DS9 apparently told him that I wanted them home early. I NEVER said that. We weren't leaving until 730 anyways. Oh, well.

Life is going forward, I'm just trying to make the best of it.

OK, forget Mom. Take the book from her and have DAD read it. Encourage him to read on here. Mom is going to keep both men strung along for as long as they will let her.

ARGH STINKING WAYTURDS SUCK AZZ!!!!!!

Nope, not Bampot, Scotty's MOM. She sucks.

I was talking to her and I asked her, "So, how many times have you talked to POSOM?" She said, "Three." I asked, "In 9 days you talked to THING 3 times?" She said she HAD to. I told her that I could be her IM for THING, although I DO NOT WANT TO. I told her that I would. I asked her where she was when she talked to THING. She was no where near my Dad. THING was telling her that he has to be with her still.....blah blah blah.

Then even better. My Mom tells me that she had an affair because of the way my Dad treated her. I said, "Bullchit. I call BULLCHIT. There is NO way that Dad did ANYTHING that gave her an excuse to have an affair. NO WAY, NO HOW. I told her that this is why I need her to come on here. I need YOU GUYS to tell her the stuff that is hard to say.

That is where we get to even better stuff. She tells me that she doesn't want to come on here because she doesn't have a computer. I said, "So, if someone bought you a computer and got you internet access, you would go online?" She said, "No," with a laff. I said, "I thought not. What is the REAL reason?" She said, "I think it is a bunch of HOOEY." Well, there we go again folks. An active wayturd(sorry Mommy ) thinks that MB is HOOEY. They are so alike it is scary.

This whole conversation started because she said that my Dad doesn't seem happy to have her home. I said, "Mom, come on, you had an affair for almost 2 years and now you think that in 9 days Dad is going to be happy to have you home. Come on."

Oh well. Waywards. On my home front, cleared out a lot of plants and trees around my house yesterday. The kiddos made their own garden in the backyard. DS9 was upset and missed Bampot last night. I asked him if he wanted to call Bampot, he said no. He emailed him instead. All on his own, I might add. Then he told me to read it this morning. Bampot didn't even respond. I knew he wouldn't. Then DS9 talked to him about it over the phone and Bampot decided that was when he would hang up. Oh silly silly aliens. Don't like reality do they.

Wayward be gone insect repellent is REALITY. Teeheee.

Scotty, it must be tough having to deal with more wayward nonsense- this time from your mom. You are doing great though and at least you offer one voice of sanity to her.

By the way, Shutter Island was a decent movie. A little strange, but interesting.

{{{{Scottie}}}}},

yeah this wayward stuff does stink. It's bad enough to have to deal with one wayward let alone two........

Would it help you to step away from the mom and dad front a bit??

You know the best way to heal maarriage from infidelity however you can't make your parents go that route. And quite honestly, if they do not address these things mow it will eventually catch up to them....

That being said, does dad know about this contact? If not you need to tell him. He may not do anything about it but he should know.......

Ah Scottie, me thinks you need to take some loonies and get yourself a massage. Ya I know that stuff isntyiur thing, but getting the tension rubbed out would be good for you.....



Not

Did he hangup on DS or just said he had to go? I agree about stepping back from mom, maybe just be the support for your dad?

Ah Scotty hang in there, I am so glad you have this place for support. "Its hard to soar with the Eagles when your working with Turkeys" Huh?

Going back to right after my first wifes affair in 1979 which resulted in a pregnancy and my efforts to restore our marriage reguardless of the OC that was to be born,(wasn't his fault now was it?)... I had moved back to home state and my old factory job.

I was still pretty young, around 21, and it would have been great if I had people around me who were able to understand and support me but instead even the management were the types who had failed marriages, went out on there wives, and attempted to pick up girls from the plant.

Add to that the women were all,(most), a part of the flirty nasty selfish game playing and some of them had there eye on me. I was not going to jump from the frying pan to the fire and have some kinda revenge affair and validate it with saying "Look what she did to me..boo-hoo" But there was no support really and all I felt was worthless and foolish. Mostly the greatest pain was I was alone, totally emasculated with women I worked with every day offering themselves when it was the last thing I needed.

I even went to a shrink to find out hat was wrong with me. "Why don't I take them up on it doc? It seems to be how everybody else deals with these things. I feel so alone everywhere and like such a fool."

He responded with a chuckle and said,"So what you find wrong with yourself is that you have morals?" I didn't see him after that cuz no money but then again he wasn't much support.


I was young and it wasn't for years later till I realized that all those feelings were normal for someone who had a conscience and that in that suffering those morals were protecting me and making me stronger. While protecting people around me at the same time.

I wish I had access to someplace like this or we had a relationship with God maybe it would have saved the marriage but the best I can come up with was i wasn't ready yet to submit myself to His authority if you KWIM.

You are doing great Scotty and it must be tough dealing with your parents as they are swimming in thier emotional mess. I pray they will recover but untill they are desparate enough to grab ahold of help like this site has in solid support of them and the relationship God intended them in marriage well .. you know the drill.


God bless you and your heart

Ya know, I don't know if my Dad knows about contact. I will have to let him know. My Dad won't come on here. He doesn't do computers. He also doesn't read very well so the books wouldn't interest him either. It is frustrating to know a great way to get someone help and they refuse. I just said to them, "Well, good luck to you." Problem is, I keep answering the phone. I was hoping that my Mom would take me up on coming on here to post. Now that I know she won't, I will just watch from the sidelines and tell her that if she wants some suggestions on how to apply MB to her sitch, then I will discuss it with her.

Faithful Follower, no Bampot didn't just hang up. He started saying good bye to DS9 and that frustrates DS9 because he wants to know that he is being heard. I tell him that even if Bampot gives him no response, he still heard him. It is better for DS9 to tell Bampot how he feels so I am trying to keep him communicating.

So, on the DS front. DS9 had his track meet today. He came in 2nd in long jump so he will be moving on. WOOOOHOOOOOOO

Wow, Scotty, you have a lot to deal with - 2 waywards. I just realized that my own mom is a wayward too, and that at least her most recent marriage was actually an affairage! And of course they divorced, and she was living w/some other guy even before she was divorced. Yuck. It's so hard for us BS's to realize how much waywards DONT get it!!! Just don't understand them; you have more goodness there than me for dealing with it - I no longer talk to my mom cause it disgusts me. Don't even get me started on what her thoughts were on H's A!!!
/wayward mom rant