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hope,
The OW could try to sue you, but she would be thrown out of court in a heartbeat. The truth is your defense - you cannot win a case of slander or libel if the information is truthful! Too bad for her, people know the truth of her life. Tough.
Truth is, they ALREADY knew it, long before you posted it on Facebook. Your post was NOT news to anybody at the school, trust me. You know as well as I do how the rumor mill works at school. The admin knew it, the other teachers knew it, and nobody said anything until they were sure YOU knew it. It was NOT a surprise.
She won't challenge you. She will want this to go away, quickly, and she will shun your H because it all goes back to him. Your H will probably come to you and ask you to negotiate some deal to fix things so she doesn't have to have so much "trouble" or something.
You are doing well. Hang in there, stay strong. Try not to worry about what you cannot control. Sending OW a subpoena is another wrench in the affair. OW will be angry, and she will come at your H with:
"why can't you control your wife?"
"what are you doing about this?"
"you told me you were already separated!"
"I am not going to be dragged into court!"
"this is just not worth the aggravation!"
"what do you expect her to do next?"
"you said this would be EASY!"
And so much more. Just know that there is NO FUN in affairville right now.
SB
Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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I'm trying to stay positive as exposure is very difficult for me and at the heart of it; I don't want to hurt others, but I realize exposure is necessary. I'm very nervous about seeing him in court and her for that matter. I'm not sure if he even got a lawyer; I would think he didn't. The hearing is on Wednesday at 9:00AM.
I'm taking the day off because I'm sure emotionally I'll be a basket case.
It was apparently quite the drama when she was served. The principal refused to allow the man to interupt her day and sent him walking after cutting him down to size. Then, my lawyer called him up and told him a thing or two. He, the principal, started to change his tune and told my lawyer to send the process server back in. They then called her in and spoke with her for a few minutes and the process server then gave her the subpoena...it would seem that she was surprised.
I'm sure this will seal the divorce for sure as he already hated me. I'm ready for plan B....I hope it comes soon.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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He just text me and said, "Are you sure this is what you want?"
I'm not sure what is meant, but I'm sure it is meant to be threatening.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I'm sure this will seal the divorce for sure as he already hated me. I'm ready for plan B....I hope it comes soon. Check this out from Dr Harley, and keep in mind he has been doing this for 35 years, hope: Many betrayed spouses are afraid that exposure will drive the unfaithful spouse further away. While it�s true that unfaithful spouses usually feel betrayed and angry when their affair is exposed, I regard that reaction as being part of the fog that most addicts experience. When the fog has finally lifted, and the source of addiction no longer has control, the value of exposure is usually conceded by the addict himself.
<snip>
If exposure of an affair threatens the marriage, should the risk be taken?
I regard infidelity as a violation of the most basic condition of marriage. In most wedding vows, �forsaking all others,� is the only real promise that�s made. When you marry, the overriding condition that is mutually accepted is that you won�t have an affair. When that condition is broken, the marriage is threatened at its very core. That�s why I believe that spouses who have recovered after an affair should make new vows to each other, in effect reestablishing their marriage.
So when a betrayed spouse asks for my advice, I usually take the position that infidelity is the greatest betrayal of all. After an affair, trust -- an essential ingredient in marriage -- is dashed. If the unfaithful spouse is offended by being exposed, so be it. Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm sure this will seal the divorce for sure as he already hated me. I'm ready for plan B....I hope it comes soon. The things that you are doing are less likely to lead to divorce than NOT doing them. If you weren't doing so much to ruin the fantasy and create conflict in the affair, the affair would be thriving. And the greatest risk to your marriage is the AFFAIR, not his temporary anger over having to face the consequences of the affair. Your marriage can survive his temporary anger, it can't survive an ongoing affair. How about working on those letters to his neighbors at the lake?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My mom just asked where I was and my daughter said, "talking to her "untrusted supervisor"...talking about the people I talk to for help. I asked her what was meant by that and she said, "I just don't think they are giving you the best advice."
I'm sure I've made mistakes in this and now I'm getting close to losing my daughter. She doesn't want to believe this about her daddy. I don't know how to handle this; I'm hurting all over again.....when will this all be over and who will be left standing?
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I'm sure they are talking this whole thing out over dinner.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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My mom just asked where I was and my daughter said, "talking to her "untrusted supervisor"...talking about the people I talk to for help. I asked her what was meant by that and she said, "I just don't think they are giving you the best advice."
I'm sure I've made mistakes in this and now I'm getting close to losing my daughter. She doesn't want to believe this about her daddy. I don't know how to handle this; I'm hurting all over again.....when will this all be over and who will be left sitanding? This must be so hard on her. Like you said, she doesn't want to believe this about her dad. She is a victim here too, so the best thing you can do is be as supportive as possible.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What do I say? Will she despise me for what is going on. He'll tell her it isn't true and then she's faced with who do I believe? I'm torn as to how much to share with her.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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What do I say? Will she despise me for what is going on. He'll tell her it isn't true and then she's faced with who do I believe? I'm torn as to how much to share with her. What exactly have you told her about her dads affair?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I've told her that he's pursued another woman and I presented her with some of the evidence. Such as, the flowers, his truck being at her residence and the fact that I went over there and got him that night. Otherwise she just overhears me and makes her own judgements.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I've been limiting what I tell her as of recent. I don't want her to know all the legal stuff. Of course, he hasn't made any contact and they are all starting to wonder if he loves them or not?
I know he's plotting something against me...that's what that text is trying to tell me.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I don't know the answer, but I think I would just avoid it if you have given her the facts. What she does with them is up to her. I think she wants to defend her dad and if you continue to talk to her about it, she will go into defense mode. If you want to hear something that makes me ashamed to this day, my father actually introduced me to his mistresses and I STILL supported my dad against my mother. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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H_E, I exposed to my daughter who was 12 at the time. She was defensive and didn't want to believe it. She told me I was imagining things and that we were going to be fine. She had her own strong opinions on the situation.
Now she's ok with it and she says she remembers how daddy's behavior changed and that it all makes sense to her now. I think it's normal for kids to be like that at that age; they just work it out in their own way.
Me, BS, 35 - H, FWS, 38
Married 15 years, 4.5 years into Recovery
EA/PA 7/09-9/09
DDay 9/5/09, started Plan A
Exposed 9/13/09, started preparing for Plan B
H finally confessed and agreed to NC 9/27/09, never went to Plan B
Still a MB rookie, but striving to learn more and put it into practice every day... w/ FWH along for the ride
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What about his text? Do I really need to do all this? He's good at intimidating me? What part is he referencing?? Am i sure I want a divorce? Am I sure I want my family to go down the drain? Am I sure I want to lose my husband to another woman? Am i sure I want to press the issue?
I know this right now, it wouldn't matter if I went to jail, was forced to sell everything to pay for representation, sued for everything under the sun, and treated like a dog.....nothing would be as painful as what I am feeling right now.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[hope}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I know you are hurting terribly, friend. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I can't sleep and I'm wondering if I'm doing what's best for my kids. Has anyone ever actually gone this far with exposure as to subpoena the ow at her place of employment? I'm worried about the backlash.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I can't imagine anything more horrible than what I'm experiencing right now. I didn't get any sleep last night and I suppose it will be this way for awhile? I don't want to do any more of this. Is this really going to help my marriage? I doubt everyday and I never feel any better because of it.
What if he tries to take the kids away? What if he tries to challenge me with the house or other things? She could try to sue me...even if it would be thrown out of court; I would still have to suffer through it all. And to top it all off, I'm going to be in more debt and broke....how does this help me? I can't make someone come back to the table; he has to want to.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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What if he tries to take the kids away? What if he tries to challenge me with the house or other things? She could try to sue me...even if it would be thrown out of court; I would still have to suffer through it all. And to top it all off, I'm going to be in more debt and broke....how does this help me? I can't make someone come back to the table; he has to want to. hope, please stop trying to scare yourself with "WHAT IFS!" You have enough REAL problems on your plate to worry about without having to conjure up things that have not happened and are unlikely to ever happen. The things you are doing are the most likely to kill the affair. While there are no guarantees, killing the affair is the most likely to result in a reconciled marriage. A reconciled marriage in the best interest of your children. Please stop scaring yourself with hypotheticals, hope. I know it is very scary for you to stand up for yourself! But if you did not stand up for your marriage, then just imagine where you would be? Until you did this, you were headed for a divorce while your H carried on his affair in peace.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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hope, here is the link I told you about earlier for your mother: Dr Harley video
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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