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Just think of WH as a different person then H...thats what got me through some of it....they are just not the same person...those emails are not from your H!
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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That email seems just like a Plan B letter.
Oh I almost forgot. Make sure that when you do give WH the Plan B letter(it should be given in printed form as WH will read it more than once), that you also send a copy to WF. You need to add a line at the bottom of the letter for her copy. Mine said, "I know how to make Bampot happy now. I am patient and I will wait." You can come up with a more creative line. I did this one on my own and I know it send the message, but I wish it could have been stronger.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Text of the email I am going to send him (if it's alright....I don't know if it's advisable??? $LB practically empty right now...) The bolded parts are bits I added because this will be through email, not in person as I planned...
[i]Dearest WH,
After much thought, I have made a decision on the road I need to follow. I am so sorry our marriage has come to this. I recognize my part in our relationship that created an environment where your affair with POSOW was possible.
I have learned better ways to resolve conflict between us. I want to create a new life for both of us that meets both our needs and creates a loving home for our children. We can not do that while you are still in contact with POSOW.
Until then, I have chosen to avoid seeing you or talking to you. IM has agreed to be our intermediary, and she will help in making it easy for you to see your children, as we discussed. Our only contact should be in the case of emergency about the children. Please let me know when you will be back in town and I will arrange to have your bag by the front door. You can return while I am at work to pack up the rest of it.
Please understand my decision to separate from you this way. It is too painful for me to live with you any longer as long as you are also with her. I ask that until you are ready to end your affair with POSOW and focus on our marriage and family, you leave our home.
I look forward to the day when we can begin to rebuild our marriage and begin the rest of our lives together. I want nothing more than to be your partner through life, and your best friend and confidante in all matters. We can have a stronger marriage built on trust, love, honesty, and teamwork.
I loved you from the day I met you and I continue to love you right up to this moment. I hope for and look forward to a time when we can begin a new marriage with each other.
Love,
NewPetals I think that is better.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Then change the locks without telling him, his choice to leave. Are you gonna let him in the house without you, do you think that he will clean you out or what....I just left all my wh stuff on the front lawn...maybe someone can help you pack up all of his stuff so he doesnt need to go into the house alone.
Last edited by stillhere8126; 05/18/10 12:05 PM.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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NP-Of course he isn't ready to end his affair this week. He is a typical cake-eater. I keep being told that is good though, because the MB plans DO work on cake-eaters. Okay, I don't quite understand your question. Aren't you planning on having his things packed with the latter on top? It is perfectly normal for a wife to ask her husband when he is coming home. You are still in Plan A until he arrives home? Or are you planning on going to Plan B while he is not home? I know you were planning on not letting him back into the house when he returns home. I am sorry, I am confufulled.  I WAS planning on staying in Plan A until he arrived home. But I find I can't. This is too painful. No more checking his email, no more anything. As I said, I am Plan B effective right now.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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That email seems just like a Plan B letter.
Oh I almost forgot. Make sure that when you do give WH the Plan B letter(it should be given in printed form as WH will read it more than once), that you also send a copy to WF. You need to add a line at the bottom of the letter for her copy. Mine said, "I know how to make Bampot happy now. I am patient and I will wait." You can come up with a more creative line. I did this one on my own and I know it send the message, but I wish it could have been stronger. I thought about sending an email to her too.  I was thinking more along the lines of "I love my husband and will wait for the man I married to come home. Enjoy the cheating parts of him." Or something to that effect....
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 738
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Then change the locks without telling him, his choice to leave. Are you gonna let him in the house without you, do you think that he will clean you out or what....I just left all my wh stuff on the front lawn...maybe someone can help you pack up all of his stuff so he doesnt need to go into the house alone. I don't think he'll clean me out. There isn't much that's super expensive in the house. He can take his own things, I don't mind that.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Posts: 8,240
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So, you are going into Plan B right now? Can you wait until he gets home? Can you text him and find out when he will be coming home? I know it is hard. I was 6 days away from Plan B when my WH went to WF's house and I thought I would DIE. I knew I had an end date. That's all that kept me from throwing his crap out that day.
Will you have someone else there when he gets his things? Is there someone who can help you pack the rest of his stuff so he doesn't even have to go in?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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So, you are going into Plan B right now? Can you wait until he gets home? Can you text him and find out when he will be coming home? I know it is hard. I was 6 days away from Plan B when my WH went to WF's house and I thought I would DIE. I knew I had an end date. That's all that kept me from throwing his crap out that day.
Will you have someone else there when he gets his things? Is there someone who can help you pack the rest of his stuff so he doesn't even have to go in? I can't wait. I can't keep talking to him and communicating with him as if nothing is going on, when all I want to do is fall apart. I just had a call from OW H and he said he thought WH was there last night - which means WH is already back in town and just not coming home, avoiding his wife, child, and mother (who is staying with us). Don't have solid proof - but I can believe anything at this point. I can ask my neighbour to be around when he is taking his things. As for packing - it's unavoidable. because I don't want to get his mom involved, and I don't want to ask my brother to help me because there's so much bad feeling there. I just won't be around when he is. And neither will DD.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 738
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Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Posts: 269
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If you must start plan B now, is there ANY way that you can have someone move all his things out of the house? This way you give him no options.
I would hold off on PB if you can, I think it is a very important step that you should go into completely ready. Do it and be done with it, no worries about cleaning up loose ends, break all ties in one stroke.
Just my thoughts, they are with you..
NW
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Well, since it is sent now, I will tell you that you will get him either coming straight home and trying to talk to you or he will email, text and call you right away.
His Mom should know. Is she still there with you? She could help him pack and be there to get his keys.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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He of course texted me right away. But this is what he said:
"Got ur email. Sounds good. Need to meet to sign a separation agreement tho. Will be back wednesday night of thursday morning."
I almost burst into tears right there and then when I got that. I was hoping he'd at least TRY to talk me out of it.
Can I respond and say I'm not signing anything?
Last edited by NewPetals; 05/18/10 01:11 PM.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617
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Listen, its okay, he has been blind sided by this...his gut first reaction is to bite back...dont worry what he is saying ...right now he feels like you declared war, because you are not putting up with his fence sitting anymore.
I know it hurts...but you are doin good. He prolly thinks that by him saying to sign an agreement and not fighting it, that you will back down. You dont know what he is thinkin, okay? right now he wants both and he wants you to back down so he can continue cake eating, doesnt mean he doesnt want to be with you.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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He of course texted me right away. But this is what he said:
"Got ur email. Sounds good. Need to meet to sign a separation agreement tho. Will be back wednesday night of thursday morning."
I almost burst into tears right there and then when I got that. I was hoping he'd at least TRY to talk me out of it.
Can I respond and say I'm not signing anything? NO...PLAN B STARTS NOW!!!!
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Thanks. I needed to hear that. I am at my desk at work about to fall apart.
I sent him a text saying I wasn't signing anything but just let me know when he'll be back in town.
So.....do I really send a copy of that to POSOW??
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 738
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OP
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 738 |
He of course texted me right away. But this is what he said:
"Got ur email. Sounds good. Need to meet to sign a separation agreement tho. Will be back wednesday night of thursday morning."
I almost burst into tears right there and then when I got that. I was hoping he'd at least TRY to talk me out of it.
Can I respond and say I'm not signing anything? NO...PLAN B STARTS NOW!!!! Oops.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617 |
He of course texted me right away. But this is what he said:
"Got ur email. Sounds good. Need to meet to sign a separation agreement tho. Will be back wednesday night of thursday morning."
I almost burst into tears right there and then when I got that. I was hoping he'd at least TRY to talk me out of it.
Can I respond and say I'm not signing anything? NO...PLAN B STARTS NOW!!!! Oops.  okay...PLAN B STARTS NOW!!!!
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Thanks. I needed to hear that. I am at my desk at work about to fall apart.
I sent him a text saying I wasn't signing anything but just let me know when he'll be back in town.
So.....do I really send a copy of that to POSOW?? Ummm, I dont know, I didnt....I dont see the hurt in it, did someone tell you to?
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Your WH may see you PB email as you setting him free. He can now do what he wants, this is a sick feeling but it may be where his head is at.
I would set a specific time for WH to come and get ALL of his belongings out of the house, don't let him dicide when he will come and gather his things.
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