he will tell his wife then she will tell my husband thenshe will carry on about slander again.

GOOD!

Let them carry on about "slander" all they want. SO WHAT? Call her H TODAY.

And he knows all of this. You've given him license to be as bad as he wants to be. He knows that you are "afraid" and "weak" and he's banking on you being used to having him around for "soooo long" and that you won't "want to lose him." And he's right, isn't he. Because those are all your words.

No one told you to scream at him, sr. Read our posts again. We told you to tell him to quit his job. Or continue the A. Your choice.

Package those things up with a nice little note, words to the effect of "I found these items of your wife's in my husband's things, and I thought you might want them. I certainly don't."

I'm not seeing the slander thingy you keep talking about. Stop living in fear, sr.

boy this is all so hard for a person who never made any waves in my marriage!

ok done, I'm sure I will hear about it tomorrow at the social!

Luckily I have a therapist appt before we go!

Can you give us a little more than this? What, exactly, did you do?

I emailed the pics to him and told him he might want these cuz I certainly don't, just like you said.

now I'm all sweaty again, I hate this, do you really think it will be better when he says those words, OK I had an affair?

If he had an affair, wouldn't YOU like to know?

I think it's time for the two of you to get real with each other and stop the pretense, yes. But it's not going to magically get better. You've had years to learn to live parallel lives. It's going to take some work to undo that.

Read the Emotional Needs Questionnaire on this site. The two of you may want to work on identifying each other's most important emotional needs. Your WH may not be receptive to that at first, because he's still in the fog. It's good for you, though.

we've done that we know our 5 emoitional needs, we know what they are, he is receptive to all this stuff he just can't say the words I had an affair.

I do know he had an affair, what worries me is she is still there well not there she is in jacksonville and we are in jupiter but I just can't stand it when he gets the emails from her and of course there is always we have to talk about xy or z.

Sounds to me he is not remorseful, he knows that you know about the A and yet he still deny's it? He is only protecting himself, being very selfish, sounds like he doesn't even care that he gave you an STD, and that is very SELFISH!

I am so glad you let the OW H know, cause now HE has evidence, and he'll start snooping around for MORE!

I still think a MASS exposure should do the trick! yes we know his coworkers know, but what about his family? Your family? Friends? etc. My husband did it on Facebook where both our friends and OM's friends saw! It was brilliant (not at the time of course LOL) but overall it did exactly what he wanted it to do.

Threaten him, tell him if he doesn't tell you the truth about the affair that you would let everyone know, don't tell him how you would do it tho! Of course he'll never believe that you will actually do it, and when that happens and he still wont tell you. BAM! EVERYONE KNOWS, and he can't LIE to EVERYONE can he?

EDIT: Don't threaten him just DO IT!

No, you shouldn't threaten exposure ahead of time. There are a host of reasons why not.