HELP!!! my world is crashing in! I cheated on my wife and she found out. ( this is a good thing! ) we have alot of problems. religeous ideation and lately ( past year) a lack of support for eachother! no emotional , physical , spiritual and sexual support. I didnt try to hide anything. of course i denied the affair at first. i look back now and realize that it was a terrible mistake! probably the WORST mistake of my life! how do i ask her forgiveness? how long do i wait to talk to her?? her parents are VERY much in the way, they interfere with our lives every chance they get! ( they changed the locks on MY house! ) HELP!!!! i am a broken man<BR>

Hello arf, and welcome, although I'm sure you'd rather not be here at all. <P>First of all, you are to be commended for FACING THE TRUTH. Have you ended the affair?<BR>That's first and foremost!<P>TALK TO YOUR W NOW!! And don't stop talking until you've said what you need to say. Also, LISTEN to her, FEEL her pain, SHOW her you mean to stay away from the OW!!<P>Her parents: you're gonna have a tough time on that one. I guess I would go to them, show your repentance, ask for their support.<P>You are in a good place here. Share it with your W, if she will come. Show her, in every way possible, that you are trying. Seek counseling, with a Christian counselor if you're Christian, or with someone who shares your religious beliefs. Ask your W to go with you. If she won't - GO ALONE.<P>You are doing the right thing being here, and being willing to work on your marriage.<P>Best wishes as you begin to navigate this difficult road. It won't be easy. But it will be worth it!! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

sherly, I am a christian and i did pray like crazy on this! she is about as NON christian as they come. she dabbles in wicca and other pagan beleifs sadly there are two beatuiful girls involved too ( my daughters 2 yrs and 6 months ) everything came about last night while i was at work. basically she kicked me out ( i dont blame her!) <BR>her parents have threatened violence towards me ( i am not a small man myself, and i work in a max security prison as a guard i can easily defend myself ) however an assault charge would cause me to loose my job! do you think that a restraining order might do any good or should i just tell them to leave us alone so we can work things out. I am typing with tears in my eyes! ( did you read my profile) i am a broken man! i miss my girls! how when should i ask to see them??

I am writing a very short and curt letter to the OW basically telling her to leave us alone and NEVER contact me again. <BR>I am going to use all the principles that i learned from other areas on this site! sadly yes i would rather not be here! however my marriage is important to me! <BR>I pray for forgiveness and i realize that this will take time! i suppose that being a prison guard might have made my heart cold and hard I tend to internalize my problems and put on a "happy face" i think that the LORD answered my prayers and set me on the road to recovery! now if only i can get my wife to join me!<BR>

arf,<P>show your W the letter, if you can. Let her mail the darned thing or go with you as you hand-deliver it to the OW. That will show her you mean business.<P>DO NOT DO THE RESTRAINING ORDER. It will only cause trouble. Can you go to them and ask that let you work this out with your W? <P>Yes, I read your profile. It was short, so I wasn't sure about the whole story.<P>I am so sorry you're in pain right now. The nature of the beast. I am also a betrayer, although I have been betrayed by my H. I know pain, remorse, shame and embarrassment. I know what it feels like to be in your shoes. Honestly.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

the letter to the ow is being hand delivered by a very close friend ( the guy i am staying with!) it is being done tonight! ( i am off at 11 pm ( my time ! its 10 pm now) i am seeing my pastor, the bank , and the local police ( many of them are close friends ) to ask advise.<BR>i really appreciate the help! i suppose that misery loves company eh!

yeah, unfortunately, misery loves company. But also, you need to rise above all this. You are doing the right thing. Keep a copy of the letter to show to your W. I would want to see it in the same situation.<P>You are doing great seeking counsel. Sometimes, a licensed counselor is helpful too. Don't discount it. There are Christian counselors too.<P>As far as your W being Wiccan... tough in a way because it goes against all that you beleive, but it could be worse. Wiccans believe in God (although it's nature, or goddess, as I understand it) they don't want to have disharmony. Use that to your advantage (I only mean insofar as your dealings with her, appeal to her desire to have peace and harmony). Am I making sense?? I'm beginning to wonder <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

yes you do make sense! thank you! i have! i suppose that i would be upset if i were in her shoes! We have gone to a few christian counsellors and they didnt seem to appeal to my wife. I am new to the church i attend (only because i relocated here recently) so i dont know the pastor all that well. I really feel baadly for laying all this on his plate as he is getting to know me! hmmmm i suppose that is his job though! and i thank the LORD for strength! the inlaws are very protective ( and also about 2 minutes away! ) i have tried many times to get them to leave us alone so WE can work things out! i married their only daughter NOT THEM!!! I am 28 and my wife is 25 we have been married for about 3 1/2 years.

well, arf, my H and I are both 40 and we've been married nearly 20 years. We are having a TON of trouble right now. Go read my thread about the "S word" and you'll see... no, maybe you shouldn't... no, maybe you should... oh gosh...<P>I am no saint, and I certainly don't know everything. But I do know a thing or two...<P> <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

i did read your posting! i understand! hope that all goes as the LORD wants! i do value the advice of peers and elders! there is alot to be learned from experience! i am truly thankful that this site exists! <BR>How sould i deal with my kids!? i miss them terribly! i miss singing their prayers ( secretly though because the wife doesnt approve of ~~ brainwashing the kids into religeon~~ ) the other day my 2 year old asked mommy to sing "jesus loves me" she had no clue! out of the mouths of babes! i have lots of reading to do in my bible! i feel that i am ready to make a renewed commitment but i wonder if my wife is ?? i tried to talk to her today but with no luck she is still very upset! i will hope to try again tommorow! and the next day and the next day! i am really thankful for my faith and i pray forgiveness for the terrible thing i have done! the more i look at it and think about it in my mind the uglier it becomes! thank you again for all your help! <BR>

going home now ( sounds empty when i think it! ) well i suppose that its my own fault! well either way i am leaving i will be back on wednesday ( maybe sooner) thank you again for all your help<BR>riemer<BR>a sad and broken man!

You're welcome. <P>Don't push religion down HER throat, but pray hard for your daughters. Can you visit them? My gosh, I sure hope so. If she's not letting you, then it is unfortunately time to seek some counsel. Ick, I know.<P>Yes, try with your W, but don't contact her day after day if she doesn't want it. It can be seen as a love buster and push her away further.<P>I'll check in tomorrow... I'll be here a bit longer tonight if you want to say anything else. Otherwise, get a good nights sleep so you can be strong and put your family back together!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Hi arf, I don't really have anything to add to what sheryl already said ( and very well too sheryl ). <BR>I just want to welcome you as well, and to tell you that you seem to be doing the right things.<BR>Your wife is probaly quite hurt and upset right now, and you might not get much response from her right away. But if you keep showing her how you are feeling it will get trough.<P>DO take care<P>Kat<BR><P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.