Agree with others to call Steve Harley. Make it clear to Steve that you are late in your preganancy and alot of emotional upheavel or a FR could have incredibly serious consequences.

NP...I'm sorry but I don't believe your WH for a second. He wants to keep cake eating. He just got his fix of POSOW a few hours ago. He wants to make you think he is going to work on the marriage now so he can get his fix of you. He's saying these things because you have forced him to see that you are done living in this situation with your Plan B letter. He is doing everything he can to calm you down and try to return you to the status quo which allows him to keep cake eating.

If he is serious about recovery then he should immediately start doing the heavy lifting to make this happen. Pay special attention to his actions and not his words.

Just make that call to Steve and get his advice. Personally, I have a bad feeling but I certainly hope I am wrong.

ms, this is my EXACT worry. To be honest, I have a hard time believing him too. The last thing I want is a FR.

What sort of heavy lifting should I be expecting from him? I have a list of requirements .... is that enough?

Seeing him this morning knowing where he'd been made me feel physically ill, like throw-up ill....

Yes, I agree....

NP,

I have been reading your thread from the outset but you have been receiving good advice and I had nothing of value to add. I am weighing in, now, because I don't want you to go through a False Recovery. I am the Queen of False Recoveries - no, not really, just the victim of my now XWH's and OW's lies - and had too many to count. I agree with the others - PLEASE call and set up an appointment with Steve Harley right now! Tell the receptionist you are at a critical point because of your pregnancy and the most recent occurences that you would like an appointment AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. Do this before leaving work, today, so that when you go home tonight, you can tell your WH "the plan." You will know his sincerity the minute you tell him because he will agree or put up a fight. If he agrees and isn't really sincere, Steve will see right through it and call your WH on it. If he puts up a fight, its because he really isn't willing - at this point in time - to do whatever it takes to recover your marriage.

BB
D-Day: 05/06/01
Multiple false recoveries over 3 years
Divorced: 05/04
Doing exceedingly well!

I am putting all my faith in MB right now. I see no other way to ensure that there will not be an FR.

I will call Steve and set up the appointment. At this point I am completely willing and wanting him to lead the way - nothing else has worked so far.

Deep breaths.

Should I also give him my list of requirements, or wait until after talking to Steve?

Ummmm, I would probably wait til you talk with steve about them and your plan for R...that way you have all your ducks in a row...I am trying not to, but I cannot help but be a little excited for you.

Personally NP, I am alot more concerned about you and lil bean right now then I am about the recovery of your marriage. You should be too! Continued ongoing drama and a potential FR is way more stress then you should take on at this point. If the marriage is meant to recover then that can still be worked on in the coming months ahead. Even this latest development was another incredibly cruel and selfish act by WH. If he really does want to recover the marriage then it is time for him to put you and lil bean first even if that means staying away for a while.

Talk to Steve ASAP and get his advice.

I'm sorry for what you are going through, NP. These last weeks before giving birth should not be a sad, stressful period. I agree that you need to speak with Steve Harley. Have your list of requirements ready so that you can discuss them and tweak them with SH.

Set the bar HIGH. You have a tiny little unborn person counting on you. I would tell him you want a polygraph. The possibility of having all of their lies exposed to the light of day is sometimes enough to bring out the truth or at least send him running for the hills and thus avoid a FR.

You are on my MB prayer list.

God's Blessings,

Say

I am going to do two things:

1) Set up an appointment with Steve Harley. If he balks...well then his bag is still by the door.

2) Ask him exactly why he has decided he wants to work on the marriage, and see what his answer is. If it's "I want to be around for the new baby," I'm tempted to say that's not enough. That's what he's said for a while now and it hasn't stopped him texting/emailing/screwing OW.

Ok first of all sleeping with the other woman and coming home the next morning and asking you "if you are ready to work on the marriage" DOES NOT sounds like he is remorseful, DO NOT LET HIM MOVE BACK HOME! This will only hurt you further, tell him that you are not ready for him to move back home just yet, tell him he has to prove himself FIRST! That means he has to do the following:

1. Writing a NC letting to the OW (that you approve of)
2. Going to MC with SH
3. Then he has to meet every boundary to make sure he will not contact the other woman and do it again!

If he meets those conditions then have him move back home! Otherwise let him live with a close male friend.

I've been thinking about this all day. I can't trust what WH is saying to me right now. As Sapphire said, what he did last night shows no remorse.

I want to send him this email but I wanted to run it by the board first:

If you had come straight home last night and said you wanted to work on our marriage, I would have agreed. Instead you went off, blatantly spent the night with her, and then come rolling home and ask to work on the marriage. Like I should overlook the fact that you just spent the night f**king another woman.



That was one straw too much, WH.



Before I am even willing to consider working on this, you better figure out exactly what you're willing to do to fix what you've done. And in the meantime, you don't stay at our house. For myself, I ask three things:



- you write a letter to POSOW expressing that you will have no contact with her again, period. This letter will be approved and sent by me to her. Then you block her from your Facebook, email, and phone. And if she contacts you, you TELL ME immediately without responding to her.

- you participate in a marriage counselling session with a counsellor of my choice

- you give me complete access to all of your emails, phone calls, texts, everything, and you don't ever try to hide things in them from me.





Obviously it's up to you if you want to go straight back to POSOW, but if you are honest about wanting to work on our marriage, I hope you won't. You can stay with [your close male friend] or drive to your mom's.



You can leave after DD goes to bed tonight.

NP

DO NOT PUSH SEND!!!!

You got it off your chest here. Now, call Steve Harley and set up an appointment. Do not give WH an answer either way until you counsel with Steve Harley. Until then, tell him you need time to process this all and you need help from someone who is an expert at recovering marriages after affairs. Until that takes place, you cannot give him an answer.

I called and left a message to set up an appointment. So far haven't heard back from them yet.

What if he is unavailable to talk to us until after the long weekend? I don't know if I can handle being around WH all weekend....

Ditto what Brits Brat said.

Your Taker is pissed. Yup.

Any sort of telling him off here is just shooting YOURSELF (not wayward him) in the foot!

Do not let your ego take over at this juncture.

Clear headed. Calm, collected response. Keep the Taker talk within as you work through this point of the situation.

You have our sympathy for his selfish, fogged, cakeeating at you. We know the angst but you are bigger than this event!

Then I'm glad I posted here first....was on the verge of pushing Send when I stopped myself and made myself turn to MB first!


Should I ask him to leave until we have talked to Steve?

I am not sure if you should ask him to leave, I did that a few times and each time WH lied about where he was staying and went straight to POSOW.
I do agree with everyone else - WH is not remorseful and is not ending the A.
??? Your best advice is going to come from S. Harley; personally I would be heading to Pln B.
Sorry

{{{{{NP}}}}

I think this is good advice. If NP doesn't hear back from the coaching center tonight, could she still suggest WH stays w/ the close male friend until she can reach a decision?

I hate that WH (does he have a wayward name yet, BTW? ) got in the house and that he got his NP fix. I agree w/ the others that, at this point, NP, you need to be looking at his actions. And clearly, his actions of late have NOT demonstrated enough remorse or "getting it" to jeopardize you and/or your children w/ a WS or a FR.

I would also recommend you finish tying up any loose ends related to entering Plan B. Even if Steve/Jennife decides you don't need it at this point, I don't think it hurts to have your ducks in a row while you wait to hear back from the coaching center.

I think that's part and parcel of the whole fighting the A. I think it's either an almost guaranteed FR if he stays home (or unrepentant cake-eating, most likely both), or it's running the risk of him increasing his time w/ OW while imposing consequences and putting strain on the A.

What happened to Plan B? Isn't this a typical reaction from a WS? Doesn't sound like he took it seriuously especially since he was with the OW the night before and now he wants to reconcile?

I think you should continue with Plan B until you talk to S. Harley. And change the locks today

IS this a typical reaction from WS? So ask him to leave? I was leaning towards that.

I am curious about what made him suddenly change his mind, after that text two days ago when he was perfectly willing to separate. I'm hearing things from OW H about how SHE is suddenly trying to get him back and work on their marriage too.

But I don't know if R talk at this point is a good idea - or if I should just keep my mouth shut and wait until we talk to the Coaching Center.

I know for sure no decisions on my part will be made tonight.