(((((HOPEE)))))

You MOST definitely should have pick up and drop off times. This should all get spelled out in your addendum about the kids. Just make sure it goes with what is in your agreement. You CAN do this. It really DOES get better. You will have so much to offer newly betrayed spouses in no time. You are helping so many NOW. Keep it up. You're doing GRAND.

He finally came for his first visitation with the kids. DD came in crying and hugged me saying, "Everytime I hug daddy, he starts to cry". I told her that I understood, but that I asked daddy to come home, but he chooses not to....and that I can't control that. I can't make him want to be with us.

My mom and I are going out to eat and then having a movie night. Maybe I can keep my mind off things.

Mom's are wonderful, aren't WE?

His crying is just his very first realization and reminder - consequences - of his affair. The boot to his head of the very real cost and pain of what he THINKS he wants.

Hope, things like this are ok. If he is running a little late, he can call your boys directly. Big things like, permission for a change in the visitation time should not come through your DD.

Reality is setting in. This is GOOD. He has abandoned his family for his adultery and he knows what he has done. He can't spin his SOUL.

Yea, what SHE said.

My WH calls DSx2 every time when he is coming to get them to tell him he is on his way. I just don't talk while they are on the phone with him. I even changed my answering machine message because WH would let the phone ring until it picked up. I didn't want him to even hear my voice. Just a thought.

It was hard to have conversation with mom and I know she hates that I'm like this right now. She said, "I'll be glad when you get past this."

I told her that I'm sorry, but I wish that I could just put a bandaid on it, but I can't. I don't know how long it will take me. Even though he is not "in love" with my, I'm certainly still "in love" with him. I just beat myself up with the things he said to me and thoughts of them together. I can't help feeling that the one text about "I love you with all that is in me" was for her and not me....I just sulk all day long. I know everyone says it will get better, but from this view, I'm completely hopeless.

Give yourself some credit. You started this thread a month ago. Look how far you have come. You are doing GREAT. You have grown so much and you have learned a lot of things about marriage(and unfortunately about infidelity). There are so many others that get stuck. You plowed through. You keep going. You don't know it, but you are INCREDIBLY STRONG. You WILL get through this because YOU MUST. Learn from this what lessons God has entrusted in you. There are lessons here for you to learn. Look at the positives of your sitch. Even if you have to force yourself to do it.

Your Mom doesn't want you to hurt. You know this a a mother too. The greatest pain you feel is when your child is hurting and you are powerless to change it. She is doing what she thinks is best. She is LOVING you. Let her take care of you. Be CONFIDENT in your choices. You KNOW you WANT to TRY to SAVE your MARRIAGE. This is your BEST option. Have FAITH in that.

Whenever I felt really bad(right around the time I was starting Plan B), I took some time away from reading people's threads that were newly betrayed and hurting. I instead read threads of the people who have recovered. Even though the story was hard to read, I knew there would be a positive outcome.

I also, pre-MB, decided to make myself a VISION BOARD. I drew pictures of things I wanted in my life. The first thing I put on that page was a heart with 4 circles in it of our favourite colours. I drew lines connecting all of these circles to each other. To me, it represents that WH, DSx2 and I would be together, connected and surrounded by LOVE. I have other things on there that I want to achieve. I placed the board in a place where I would look at it often(my bathroom wall, but you could pick a different place). I focus all of my positive thoughts onto it for a few minutes a day. I don't focus too much on WH just my ideal outcome.

Hope - I don't post often on your thread but I have been following it. Don't feel bad about being in love with him still. Most of the BS's on here are still in love with their spouse - that's why we're here.

Try not to think of him and her together. He is showing signs of reality hitting, when he cries. Don`t give up hope yet - he`s still wayward and foggy but I don`t think he`s lost all feeling for you yet.

Ok, I gave my 3 DSons a phone with minutes on it so they could call me from lake. I didn't want to call H phone when I wanted to speak to them. Since they've been at lake, they've called me twice. My oldest son said, "Daddy thinks you are going through his mail because one of the bills were opened." I think I did actually open that back when I was snooping. I told son that it was the only one that was opened....I haven't opened anymore since that one. I also thinks he doesn't want them calling me....I thought I heard him saying things to them like don't tell her all that we're doing. What do you make of that? He really is resentful toward me.

Okay firstly, WH will try to get the kiddos to send "innocent" messages to you. This WILL happen. When DS's say, "Daddy......" you simply tell them, "Daddy knows I will communicate with him through, IM." And then leave it at that. Don't answer them about things your WH is saying to them.

Your DS's can call you whenever they want, right? Who cares what WH thinks about it? When my WH calls, DS9 tells him EVERYTHING we are doing. I mean EVERYTHING. It's completely NORMAL. They don't understand what is going on. They are trying to figure it all out themselves.

Next time say something like "honey, daddy and I are MARRIED...he is free to open my mail because I have nothing to hide; and I should be free to open his. It's really not a big deal!".

Is there some problem with you opening his bills? Aren't you his wife?

And tell your children that they are free to call you anytime they want.

Your WH should not be bullying them into not calling you and it's possible that he is trying to do this. Remind them that they should never be afraid to call you.

I also forgot to send DS7 meds...this should be an interesting weekend....truly...I forgot, not intended. I'm sure he'll think it is on purpose.

I think the boys are just excited about the new phone...it's the one with tracking on it except I disabled it before sending. I'm worried about him sending me a letter back or sending back the pics. what do I do if he tries to send me a letter back? He's like that and I can see him doing it as a response.

Did you go into Plan B? If so, you DON'T open the letter. It didn't even happen. If it happens again, you should get your IM to send him a message stating that this is NOT okay and that the letters are IGNORED.

Also, can you get some meds for your WH to have with him? There needs to be NO excuse for WH to contact you.

Just don't repond. Remember that as your default response whenever he tries to C you during PB.

I went to PB a couple of days before DH's birthday. The kids went to dinner with him and my in-laws; it was the first time in 17 years I wasn't with him on his birthday. He ordered my favorite meal for me and sent it home with the kids; I did not acknowledge it at all.

That should alsways be your response to him in PB.

hope, if he sends a letter back with the kids, take the letter IN FRONT OF THE KIDS and quietly burn it or run it through the shredder. Tell the kids you won't be reading anything he sends. The kids can report back what you did and he will get the message. Also, your brother can tell him you didn't read the letter.

When I sent him my other letter, he sent me a long email in reponse. I didn't read it and it made him so mad. He said, I read your proposed contracts and you won't even read my letter. he probably won't send anything, but I want to be prepared.

Thanks for all the advice tonight. I need a positive thread to read about recover coming from disaster. Any suggestions? I have a hard time researching some of these member's situations.