Where to start. In Oct/Nov. My work had slowed considerably(I'm self employed) and I became clinically depressed. I did nothing for it. I thought I might have been but my wife told me it was all in my head. Around January, work soon picked up but I also found out my wife had been having an affair for 2 mos. Devestation, anger, sadness, etc.after exposing it. Since, she has left me for him. Came back when I said I was moving out. After finding out it was still going on she left me to live with him but, left most of her clothing and belongings behind. 2 weeks into that, she expresses to me that she loves me and wants to "find the real her" and longs to come home. After 3 weeks she decides to come home. I know she hasn't stopped the infedelity but play along to make her as comfortable as possible. She has since left saying "I should have seen this coming" and she loves us both. I asked her if it was her guilt of doing this to us that made her run from her marriage. She responded" Maybe." I urge counseling, but our last counselor hit it head on on she is too weak to hear the truth about herself. That has been a week ago. After some real conversation, she admits that she isn't truly happy and will go to therapy, 1st session in June. I have since said I wan't no contact unless she is committed to weekly therapy and there is absolute seperation b/t her and her lover. I love her to no end. Any advice?

Good for you, she needs to figure out what she wants or who she wants to be in a relationship with....
You don't have to dragged through the mud in the meantime..
Tell her you love her and when she is ready to commit to the relationship you will be everything she has ever wanted....
good luck

Thanks, I have honestly tried that numerous times, but I just can't do this anymore. I am going to be faithful to the policy of joint agreement even if she knows nothing of it. (that's the kind of man I am) I am trying to figure out if she is giult and remorse stricken, or just a self centered awful person. I hate to believe the latter.

Hi MP48, welcome to Marriage Builders, sorry you are here. My suggestion would not be the POJA, but Plan B. Counseling will be useless if she is still in contact with her lover. And the POJA is not warranted unless you are in recovery. Do you have any of the MB books? Surviving an Affair?

I have no idea what a POJA is but I told her that going to counseling is useless if she is going to see him.

POJA is the policy of joint agreement. Here is an article about Plan B, which is a separation where all contact with her is ended until she agrees to end her affair for life and commit to the marriage. What are Plan A and Plan B?