If he tries to contact you, immediately have your brother contact him and simpley say "BIL, your W is hurting terribly right now and it is just too painful for her to be in C with you. She is trying to heal and can't do it when you contact her. Please respect her enough to let her heal, and send all correspondences through me. Thanks, you BIL".

go pull up SMB's thread! She has a great marriage now.

hope...we are ones who have recovered after PB. Click on my name, then "Posts", and go back to early March 2007. That is when I went to Plan B.

Have hope, hope! Stranger things have happened.!

Thanks, that will give me some good reading material tonight.

If the email comes to you, you can forward it to your IM. If there is any important information for you in it, the IM can figure that our, distill it as appropriate, and let you know.

If it is wayward garbage, the IM will tell you, "It is wayward garbage."

If the letter contains any attempt to meet the conditions of your Plan B, then the IM could say, "Nice try, no cigar. Still wayward garbage."

That way you know that he is still wayward, he had important infomation like pay a bill, send Johnny's pills that you forgot so he has them next time, or whatever. Don't open the email, don't open the letter. Everything through IM. And, when the IM gets those communications that he tries to send through the kids, or other emails, or the regular mail - the IM sends a reminder that those types of communications are immediately forwarded, unopend, to the IM who does the corresponding.

This reinforces your stand, and lets that WH absolutely know that you will not crack your eggshell of protection. Period. Even when he won't play by the rules, YOU WILL. That he can't get around the IM, because you will fire things right back to the IM. No ifs, ands, or buts.


SB

I'm really struggling today. My boys called and repeated husbands demands about not opening his mail. Also, my DS11 said, "Mama, daddy thinks you left Elisha's meds on purpose." My son said he told his daddy that it wasn't true because I called to say that I forgot it. He said that husband said, "uh huh".

DS9 said that daddy told him we were getting a divorce....then my son said to me on the phone, "mama, I don't like that word." I was just crushed. I can't believe my little family is going down in flames; it's so unfair and I'm so angry. WH has no remorse and he never will. He is angry and resentful toward me. He sees all this as retaliation and nothing more, so now everything that happens, he's going to think I'm doing it on purpose.

Funny, but Husband ended up having some meds at the lake that he had extra. How long can you drag a divorce out anyway? What will I do if after so long he starts questioning me about when I'm going to be done with it?

Ok, DD contacted me and told me that husband texted her his new number. What do you make of a new number? New life, new number? Of course this is something that I will need to know so I can give brother the number....and lawyer.

I wonder why he would do that?

My DS11 called me and told me that daddy has been drinking today. Part of the temporary orders is that he cannot consume alcohol or have members of the opposite sex at his place while with the children.

This bothers me alot; I hate the example he sets. I guess there is nothing I can do.

Boys are supposed to be home tomorrow. Interesting that H will bring them home (2hours) and then go back to lake (2hours) and then come into work again the next morning (2hours).

I realize I am powerless to change things in my timing. I wish i could think about other things; I'm consumed with trying to figure things out.

If she did dump him, do they continue in this fog even after that? I'm not sure what's going on actually, but I keep hoping that their relationship will fall apart. I just keep wondering if God will change his heart and he'll realize all that is leaving behind.

My ds9 just called me to say goodnight and husband was in the background hollering at him, "You're talking to her again? What's with all this calling? You never did all this calling before when you came to the lake."

I'm sure he wanted me to hear. They've called alot, but I think it's mostly because of having that new phone and because everything is so unsure. I can't believe he is scolding them for wanting to call me. It's amazing his hatred for me.

You know, this is something else you can bring to the attorneys attention, that he is abusing them for calling their mother. Man alive...

I know....he's something else. They will be home this evening, but I'm still worried about him dragging his feet. It's all about him being in control.

My daughter is still being very protective of father. She told me that I shouldn't have sent that phone. She said that her daddy is probably bothered at their calling me because they never call him when they are with me...I don't know; maybe it was a bad idea for me to give them that phone.

I'm so tired of hashing things over in my head; I want nothing more than to be free from this pattern of thinking. I keep thinking about how he told me, "I told you one day this would come back to bite you in the butt." He was referencing the fact that I would suggest divorce when we were in the heat of an argument.

It was a good idea to send the phone. It makes no difference if they call him when they aer with you. At least it shouldn't unless your H is a child. The issue is that your H is being immature and mean to his boys, which should be brought up to the attorney.

Your boys are traumatized right now so it only makes sense they would want to talk to their mother.

Let the judge find out he is terrorizing his traumatized children about calling their mother when they are away from home. That will go over REAL WELL.

Isnt it interesting how you are the BAD GUY for providing a phone for your children so they can call their mother? On what planet is it BAD to call your mother when you miss her? I will tell you the planet: the dysfunctional planet of WAYWARD.

hope, can you imagine ever demanding that your little boy not call his daddy when he misses him? What kind of a parent does that?

I can understand the wacked out wayward thinking of your husband and the immaturity of your 14 yr old child, hope, but we need you to see how dysfunctional and crazy this kind of thinking is.

I know...I've told my boys that they can pick up the phone whenever and call their daddy. That's why I was so bothered that he wasn't calling them....because I knew they were so unsure about where he was and whether he was coming back or not.

Well, everyone is home now and first off to bat....my ds7 tells my mom that DS9 told his father that "mypaw is mean to us". My mom went ballistic and started packing up her things to leave. I tried to explain to her that I knew one of the three would say things like this to husband....they use to say it everytime I would come back from there. My dad is strict and makes them mind, yet he's never spanked them or anything. He just carries this presence that makes them mind and do their chores.

My mom said she didn't want to be a part of this...I'm so depressed I can't stand it. I'm so helpless to change things. She thinks that my husband will try to do something to get my dad in trouble. She said, "I won't let that happen." My parents have been a huge help and my dad takes them for ice cream and walks. My mom doesn't understand why they don't talk about those things?

My whole life is a mess and I'm powerless to change those things.