Well, 2 weeks ago, I logged onto online banking. WH and I would use his banking info to log on. I noticed that WH opened 2 new bank accounts. I figured that meant that he was preparing to severe finances. I thought, "Well, it's about TIME." Isn't that a weird thought to have? It is because so far, WH has been taking a minimal amount of money out of the bank account. He has been following what he told me he would do. I am SHOCKED by that. I was also hoping(I KNOW I KNOW, NO EXPECTATIONS) that they were getting more "comfortable" with their "relationship"

I feel kind of like I am letting WH get one of his needs met by feeling like he is still taking care of his family. I don't know if I should be concerned about this. I am just throwing it out there. Someone may get something out of it.

Waywards are hard to figure out so I don't even BOTHER.

Scottie, My WH is taking care of me and DS financially...I definitely think that it is meeting one of his needs by taking care of us...and also it makes him less of a bad guy cuz he can say that he is taking care of us financially.

I am just not ready to push the divorce yet, but i am almost there...But who know my WH might surprise me with the D papers..IDK

I think it does fill some sort of need, for the WS. T2L's WH was giving her a fair chunk of his income up until she filled on him.

Yeah Scotty the guy thing is so often "Well at least I pay for stuff"

Its almost like they think they are doin thier job It is such a dodge to what is lacking in so many mariages but we are brought up with a Dad who is at work a lot, and we tell the Kids that thats what Dads do. So many times the other important things like WHY they do it don't get dealt with emotionally. Hope that makes sense.

So when we as Men look at our performance in loving our family we can easily pull the money card. Yes there are a lot of deadbeat Dads and what man wouldn't support his family but it should be a given. It gets turned into what we can use to feel we are making some kind of sacrifice when in truth its an honor and priveledge.

I thought I remembered that you you were going to separate finances at some point but had issues with supporting the house without his help. Because plan B is spposed to imatate the state that divorce will be like, I think you should get your own account, have your name taken off of the other, and make financial arrangements for him to give you what you need for the boys. Maybe you can isolate someting that he is financially attached to outside or rent, electric,food,and just make him responsible for just one or the phone or cable so you don't "seem" s dependant. Ya know? Like if all he had to do was pay the phone it would relateto his communication with his sons, same wih Internet. Instaed of having anything to do with rent ,food, or utilities that you need also.

Hows the job seach goin? I know this is hard. I am sure that he "feels" connected in a personal way and is getting an EN met beacuse you and he are still connected through the money thing. For all we know he looks at the bank statement to see what you are doing. Thats not really as dark a plan B as it should be. JMO, others may disagree.

This Bampot is a hard nut to crack huh? FYI the two year mark is really a good estimation of when most A's burn out. His head would have to be filled with concrete if he doesn't realize how awesome you are. Then you can get out the jackhammer and help him knock the rocks loose.

Okay, so this morning, I walk out onto the porch after Bampot comes and picks up the boys. He has left a piece of paper from the bank about severing the joint account. I need to sign it. Question is? Should I sign it even though it wasn't brought to the IMs and was given to me directly? I am okay with changing the account into my name ONLY. We will be severing our finances. That's what I wanted anyhow.

DS7 was giving Bampot a really HARD time going. Well, that's what being a DAD is all about.

What paper?
There was no paper!
Squirt some hose water on it.
Send it on a trip down the street.

You never laid eyes on it.

That's what I thought. Thanx Pep. I am so glad that you are back, kinda.

I let it bug me too. I was mad at myself for letting it get to me and I feel so silly. I was crying and everything.

So, the paper should just stay there unsigned, right?

That's what I am going to do with it. I read it and placed it right back where he put it. Teheeee

So the kiddos come walking in the door and DS7 has the paper in his hand. I say, "That paper doesn't come in the house." DS7 says, "But Daddy says you need to sign it." I said, "Well, Daddy needs to send things to IMs if he needs me to sign stuff." Even DS9 says, "Yea, Daddy knows those are the rules." How is it that a 9 year old can follow these rules.

Cuz you have great kids!

K, I guess that was more a rhetorical question. It was supposed to be how can my 9 year old follow and understand the rules and Bampot can not? Silly wayturds. Always trying to go around Plan B. Let's see if he tries to send me any messages about how to accomplish a great Plan B.

Remember, Bampot is an EXPERT on Plan B. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Cuz they trust the rules over thier feelings and realize that they those rules are there to protect them.

Because the one who enforces them, you, has demonstrated love to them beyond thier comprehension.

Thanx SSO. It's not to say he doesn't question my rules or decisions. Sometimes it is annoying. I know that it is the right way of thinking. Sometimes, I just say, "Because I said so."

One thing that has made me very sad lately is that my kiddos aren't as close to each other as they used to be. That hurts me. I will definitely try to bring them closer to each other again.

ARGH, STUPID STUPID SCOTTY.

So, DS7 comes in and realizes that he forgot his hat. He calls Bampot. Bampot says he will be right back to give him the hat. So, I send DS7 out. I look out the window to see when the truck is there. I see it. As he starts to drive away, I see WF. My stomach sinks. All I want to do is go out there and punch her in the face. THAT'S MY SEAT. WF WF WF. I wait for DS7 to come in. I asl, "So, WF came with Daddy to drop you off? Was WFD11 with you?" "Nope, she stayed home. This is the first time in a month that WF came."

Argh.

Well, I wanted to say that I get so much from reading other people's threads. I see a lot of myself in many of them and to see the encouraging words posted to them helps to boost me on some down days. Thanx.

Sorry, Scotty, that sux...All I can say is I know exactly how you feel...it hurts and I wish I could punch her in the face for you..

Thanx. Maybe my dreams will give me exactly what I want again and I will beat her in them. Wishful thinking.

Disclaimer:I am NOT making any direct threat against her. I have seen her on a couple of occasions and I didn't touch a hair on her head.

My dreams are never good..The last dream I had about WS and OW, I screamed everything that I ever wanted to say to OW, and WH was calling me crazy and I woke up with tears in my eyes....Its just a horrible thing all of us are going thru, Huh?

But it would be great to have a dream of me beating OW to a pulp, why dont I ever have those dreams? Ah well, such as life I guess...

About your finances...

My WH was very good about paying for everything while he was back and forth the year following D-day. He paid everything for me and the kids -- even things I charged on the credit cards. To ease my concerns, he even signed a paper saying the he'd be responsible for all the bills relating to the kids, the house, personal, etc.

Fast forward to today -- where he lives with OW and her kids, he filed over a year ago, he and her are ENGAGED....

I got a text last week to get his name off all the joint bills (electricity, water, gas, trash, etc.) by June 1 or all services would be cut off. Nice guy, considering we both jointly own the house and the kids live herE with me.

In the past year, he cut us off auto and house insurance and cell phones. He stopped paying all bills, including any for the kids sports like registration fees. He took me off his health insurance, but his attorney told him he had to add me back. He lost his job and we now have no health insurance until he starts a new job last week. Believe me, he TRIED to keep us off the new insurance, but the judge stepped in.

What I wanted to emphasize is that he's gotten progressively meaner and more callous regarding his "obligations" and "responsibilities" as a Dad. Don't assume he'll continue to be "fair" when it comes to the finances. Before WH was court-ordered to pay me temporary support, so I could pay the bills he stopped paying, he cleaned my last $50 out of my checking account before transferring over his payment to me.

In my situation, OW is a money-hungry beeeatch who, I'm sure, gives him a BJ each time he shows her how he's sticking to me financially. Money is when their true colors come out. Watch your back and your account balances.

Oh... in anticipation for him cutting me off the credit card last fall, I went on my infamous shopping spree. The info. on my thread got lost in the MB website meltdown, but in a few days time, I spent over $17K including thousands on gift cards to help me through hard times. Thanks to God for giving me this idea.

If you have any opportunity to stock up on gift cards or cash before accounts are separated, DO IT. Really, HE OWES YOU.

Wow, I forgot you did that HH, gooood joooob....Nice to see a little bit of money go the way of the BS...They do owe us, big time....

That's one thing I don't regret at all. I actually started early on by adding a $25 Target gift card to my grocery cart. Then I expanded to include gas, resturants, Home Depot, etc. Even McDonalds. Anything to preserve my cash and not add suspicion.

It came in handy this past Christmas. I had gifts for all the nieces and nephews -- most of which are RELATED to WH anyways. I gave a resturant gift card to inlaws just Friday for their 49th wedding anniversary.

I'm running low... down to a few left.

I would really, really recommend this for any BS who can do this without adding suspicion. My big spree came when WH gave me notice that the cards would be cancelled so I charged "big ticket" items in a short period of time knowing full-well that this would be my last chance. I charged DD's tuition, attorney fees, car registration, gift cards, car repair, etc. WH was FURIOUS when he discovered what I did. He tried to push the bill onto me... but when he balked at submitting the credit card statements because this was the card that he and OW used on a regular basis (I held out on him even knowing I had the card I used on my spree), the judge ordered that he continue paying the monthly bill.

Do what you can to keep money on your side of the ledger... especially if the kids are with you. The Art of War -- war is expensive!!

That is FANTASTIC !!!!!