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Like I said there would be legal consquences. Here's what you're telling us: Your W is having an A. You can't do anything about it but ask her to stop. She won't stop. How can we help you?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I don't understand. Would there be legal consequences for HER for having an affair or legal consequences for YOU for exposing?
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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NewPetals how do you clear the history on one's computer (I am not computer savvy!) Hi gemstone, In the toolbar at the top righ of your screen when you have an internet browser window open, you will see "Tools". Click on it and it will give you a drop down menu. Click Internet Options. In the dialogue box that opens, you will see a section called "Browsing History" and "Delete..." button. Click the delete button.Turn all checkboxes on and hit "Delete." You can also, when you have a browser window open, hit Ctrol+H, and this will bring up the history. Right click on the day and hit delete.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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It would involve time spent in a federal pen. I'm still pretty confused by this statement, surprisedguy. I have never EVER, in my LIFE, heard of an innocent person being sent to federal prison for telling the truth.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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:::crickets chirping:::
SurprisedGuy, I'm hoping your silence means you're reading on this site and just not posting, and not that you've 'left the building.' Forgive us, but we can't help you without info. Good luck, and we're here if you can help us help you.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I haven't left the building. Ok my wife is in the military. She is an officer and had an affair with an enlisted person. If I out her the military will bring charges and she probably will spend time in Club Fed. The military is very serious about things like this. So if I expose her I and the kids would suffer the most. We will lose any chance of fixing things.
I am having a bad day. Sometimes I feel like she is trying and other times I don't. She is away for another couple of weeks. I can't do anything to make her stop the A, but I do believe she has. She is still hiding things from me. She says it is because she is afraid I will get angry. I think it because she doesn't want to deal with my legitimate feelings of distrust. Every time I catch her hiding something she promises not to hide anything else, but she does.
She also seems to be having a problem with drinking. The affair happened while she was drinking. While I realize that she is unhappy, I don�t t think she would have taken that step if she had been sober. Some days, like today I feel like nothing is ever going to be good again.
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How many years does she have? The penalty would be at a minimum reduction in rank and denied re-enlistment. Jail if if used government resources etc. The threat to go to her Command about this should keep her in line. If not go nuclear!!!
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I realize it would be nuclear. I can't do that to my kids. She has over 20 years. I guess she is in the fog. one minute she seems sincere about fixing things and the next she does something to make it harder.
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I haven't left the building. Ok my wife is in the military. She is an officer and had an affair with an enlisted person. If I out her the military will bring charges and she probably will spend time in Club Fed. The military is very serious about things like this. So if I expose her I and the kids would suffer the most. We will lose any chance of fixing things.
I am having a bad day. Sometimes I feel like she is trying and other times I don't. She is away for another couple of weeks. I can't do anything to make her stop the A, but I do believe she has. She is still hiding things from me. She says it is because she is afraid I will get angry. I think it because she doesn't want to deal with my legitimate feelings of distrust. Every time I catch her hiding something she promises not to hide anything else, but she does.
She also seems to be having a problem with drinking. The affair happened while she was drinking. While I realize that she is unhappy, I don�t t think she would have taken that step if she had been sober. Some days, like today I feel like nothing is ever going to be good again. Before we go any farther: Why do you think there is a future of federal pen time for you. Or your WW. Or the OM, whoever. What is that all about?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I realize it would be nuclear. I can't do that to my kids. She has over 20 years. I guess she is in the fog. one minute she seems sincere about fixing things and the next she does something to make it harder. Then let her go be with the OM. Explain to your kids that you want to respect their mother's decision to go screw some guy and put her military career on the line. That you're going to let your M go to hell and let your children's lives be destroyed because you want to make sure her military career is secure. Ugh. Your wimpiness is pathetic. Good luck. God forbid you go to the pen because your wayward wife is screwing some guy. 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I wouldn't go. She and om would. The m,ilitary is very serious about this kind of thing.
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I don't think he wants her. I do. I realize that I am being wimpy, but I love her and want her back, but with changes. Like I've said I realize that this happened becuase I didn;t show love to her. I know that I can, but she has to be willing to accept it. I am not sure that she is. If I out her the kds go from upper middle class to poor. I don;t think it is fair to them to have this happen. I've explained to her that if this goes any further that I will cut off contact with her. I will not be the person that has been there for her.
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I don't think he wants her. I do.
I realize that I am being wimpy,
So GLAD YOU SAID IT BECAUSE IT IS WIMPY.
but
THIS DISCOUNTS WHAT YOU SAY NEXT
I love her and want her back, but with changes.
ALCOHOLICS DON'T QUIT DRINKING WITHOUT CONSEQUENSCES FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR. WHEN THE CONSEQUENCES OR PAIN BECOMES GREAT ENOUGH THEN THEY QUIT.
SAME WITH WW'S UNTIL THE CONSEQUENCES OR PAIN OF THEIR BEHAVIOR IS GREAT ENOUGH THEY WONT QUIT THE OTHER PERSON.
RAISE OF HANDS OUT THERE WITH HOW MANY WW'S ON THIS BOARD JUST QUIT THE OTHER PERSON BECAUSE THEY FELT BAD...OR THEY KNEW IT WAS HURTING THE OTHER SPOUSE......UHHMM IT IS A RARITY.
Like I've said I realize that this happened becuase I didn;t show love to her.
SO YOU GOT HER DRUNK AND LINED ANOTHER MAN UP FOR HIM TO BOINK HER???
ALCOHOL PROBABLY IS A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR SINCE INHIBITIONS ARE LET DOWN WHILE UNDER THE INFLUENCE. SHE IS STILL RESPONSIBLE FOR HER ACTIONS TO GO OUTSIDE THE M WHILE INTOXICATED OR SOBER.
LACK OF MARITAL BOUNDRIES IS THE TOTAL PROBLEM WITH HER. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. DRUNK OR SOBER.
YES YOU MAY HAVE YUR OWN BAG OF SHEET YOU DRAG AROUND LIKE THE REST OF US BUT DON;T BELIEVE FOR ONE MINUTE YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER CHOICE TO GO OUTSIDE THE M.
I know that I can, but she has to be willing to accept it. I am not sure that she is.
If I out her the kds go from upper middle class to poor. I don;t think it is fair to them to have this happen.
YOUR 100% RIGHT HERE. A'S LEAVE ALL KINDS OF WRECKAGE STREWN ALONG THE WAY. I THINK SOMEONE IN A PREVIOUS POST SUGGESTED LETTING HER KNOW YOU ARE PREPARED TO GO ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP IF NEED BE. THIS WOULD SHOW HER YOU ARE WILLING TO FIGHT FOR THE M, HER AND YOUR FAMILY.
THIS WILL NOT END IF YOU MAKE A CHOICE TO WIMP OUT ON YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR W. SHE WILL HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOU IF YOU CHOOSE THE ACTION IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH.
ALL THAT WILL DO IS ALLOW HER TO CONTINUE THE A WITH NO INTERFERANCE FROM YOU OR YOUR FAMILY.
NO CONSEQUENCES FOR HER BEHAVIOR.....
WOMAN RESPECT MEN THAT WILL FIGHT FOR THEM!!!
I've explained to her that if this goes any further that I will cut off contact with her. I will not be the person that has been there for her. YOU MAY WANT TO READ UP ON THIS. DR HARLEY SAYS IT IS THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO END AN A. NO MARITAL RECOVERY WILL OCCUR UNTIL THAT HAPPENS. EXPOSURE NEWSLETTER PLEASE TAKE THE ADVICE FROM A MAN WHO SAT ON THE ALCOHOL GAME WAY TOO LONG. NESRE
M 29 yrs
DS 28 DD 18
Me 53 FWH FBS
MTA signed 5/11/2011
D final 5/16/2011
Free.... and going wherever the big guy wants me to go......
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How many years does she have? The penalty would be at a minimum reduction in rank and denied re-enlistment. Jail if if used government resources etc. The threat to go to her Command about this should keep her in line. If not go nuclear!!!
M 29 yrs
DS 28 DD 18
Me 53 FWH FBS
MTA signed 5/11/2011
D final 5/16/2011
Free.... and going wherever the big guy wants me to go......
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What is more important WW career or marriage and family?
WW screwed her career by screwing the OM.
Expose this affair at work.
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She is an officer and had an affair with an enlisted person. If I out her the military will bring charges and she probably will spend time in Club Fed. The military is very serious about things like this. So if I expose her I and the kids would suffer the most. We will lose any chance of fixing things. Sorry surprised, you are dead wrong. I am a pretty senior Navy Officer and work for a 3 letter Intelligence Agency in VA. I doubt your WW is in a position that is more sensitive than the one I am in. If your wife told you she would get sent to prison because of her rank or position if you exposed she is gaslighting you. Period. She will not go to prison. Possibly get a letter of reprimand, yes. Maybe get forced to retire early, yep. Prison, bullsnot! Now, if she is ordered to stay away from this guy and disobeys a lawful order, then yes, it is possible. Which is more important, saving your marriage and family, or the next promotion board? SWW
Last edited by sickwithworry; 05/23/10 05:53 PM.
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I can't do anything to make her stop the A, but I do believe she has. She is still hiding things from me. She says it is because she is afraid I will get angry. Every time I catch her hiding something she promises not to hide anything else, but she does.
She also seems to be having a problem with drinking. The affair happened while she was drinking. While I realize that she is unhappy, I don�t t think she would have taken that step if she had been sober. SG, Has she always had a problem with drinking? I don't think you are going to get very far if you are trying to battle an alcoholic that is also having an affair. 2 addictions. Do you know who the enlisted man is? Is he married? SWW
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He is her chain of command.
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She has always soically drank. It was never a real problem until recently when she has been away. When I am around she keeps it in control.
I do not know the person. He is married. I've told her that I would call the wife and she knows I will. The pproblem is that if I do that the marriage is over. It might be over now except for the shouting, but it will be if I do. She will be home soon with no more TDY's for at least the next serveral months. She has been in schools.
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Cowboy up. If you do nothing, your marriage is over. If you expose to everyone, at least you go out fighting. Otherwise you go out with a wimper, not even having tried to fight for what you care about because you were afraid of losing it.
The enlisted member being in her CoC makes this fairly serious. I doubt she'd go to jail, but it would almost certainly be the end of her career. But the fact is, if she's making these kinds of decisions, she doesn't need to be a leader.
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