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Neither one of them...the ow or H have contacted me. I was expecting something, but I'm actually relieved that there is no contact.
Discovery is up next for OW, but lawyer wants to wait a little bit.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Discovery is up next for OW, but lawyer wants to wait a little bit. Why does she want to wait?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I just got this back from OW's ex. What he doesn't realize is my husband has lied from the beginning.....even up to the change of address. We have had that face to face and yes he's given me all the glorious reasons for why he shouldn't be with me, but he also left out the fact that he was falling for someone else. I'm not replying anymore. I know the truth. They think because they haven't had sex (supposedly) that they haven't had an affair....lie lie lie.
"If I was you I would insist on a face to face to look your husband of 20 years in the eye and demand the truth from him. You love him and have been with him for 20 years, had great children together and you should at least have a feeling that you can take his word for the truth. He is the father of your children and should speak the truth in this situation. If he is half the man he should be he will tell you the truth. This is just my opinion not that I am a perfect person but I would do this for my own good and my childrens too. Again I am bias and think you have information that is untrue. It is impossible to be level headed when under the pressure you are especially if your information is not 100% correct. I have gone through a lot and I dont believe you hace the truth in your information. Demand he tell you everything that has happend. Best of luck to you God Bless.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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That was nice of him to write that to you. He is awfully gullible and naive but has a good heart.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He has been nice. I'm just tired of being filled with worry and fear. I guess I need to think of him as dead. I'm so tired of the ups and downs. I'm also having such a hard time with discipline for my 7 year old. It's going to be awful for him not to have a male role model...I'm so concerned.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Posts: 680
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I'm not sure why except all the work that goes with it...she has her hands full with the discovery for him I guess.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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"If I was you I would insist on a face to face to look your husband of 20 years in the eye and demand the truth from him. Yeah, people always tell the truth when you make demands and look them in the eye. I just got this back from OW's ex. What he doesn't realize is my husband has lied from the beginning.....even up to the change of address. We have had that face to face and yes he's given me all the glorious reasons for why he shouldn't be with me, but he also left out the fact that he was falling for someone else. I'm not replying anymore. I know the truth. They think because they haven't had sex (supposedly) that they haven't had an affair....lie lie lie. Yeah, it's cool for a married man to DATE another woman, as long as they don't have sex. 
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Well, I've heard everything from him and it's rediculous. It's going to be hard for me, but I can do this. I've been working on my finances and I'm actually going to be better off than when he was home. I paid for everything anyway, and pretty much had to beg for extra grocery monies or for him to help with things for the children.
Now, he has to. This new life he will have for himself is exactly what he has wanted for a long time. The kids stress him, I stress him, now he can live footloose and fancyfree with no responsibilities....which is actually what he has always wanted. It's sad though that they won't have a father around.
I've had some serious issues come up with my daughter and my youngest son. Since I'm in plan B, I can't talk to him about it. It's weird handleing the discipline by myself.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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HOPE + Kids = SUPER MOM!
{{{Hope}}}
Last edited by SapphireReturns; 05/26/10 12:39 PM.
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Demanding he look you in the eye means nothing with wayturds. They don't operate the same way as non-wayturds, so they could look you in the eye and lie their faces off. I've been there.
All the best - don't let it get you down. Don't pay attention to the doubts of others - you know the truth!
{{{{HOPE}}}}
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Now, he has to. This new life he will have for himself is exactly what he has wanted for a long time. The kids stress him, I stress him, now he can live footloose and fancyfree with no responsibilities....which is actually what he has always wanted. It's sad though that they won't have a father around. I can't resist throwing in this old saying that so applies to your WH: "Careful what you wish for...you might get it."
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Now, he has to. This new life he will have for himself is exactly what he has wanted for a long time. The kids stress him, I stress him, now he can live footloose and fancyfree with no responsibilities....which is actually what he has always wanted. It's sad though that they won't have a father around. Interestingly enough, he will have more responsibility this way. He will pay more and he will not have you around to take care of the kids. He won't be able to reap all the benefits of a married man anymore.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Except that he only sees them every other weekend. He basically sees them 4 days a month. He doesn't have to help them get ready for school in the morning or put them to bed at night. When he gets them for the month of July, that may be a challenge if he even follows through with it.
You know, I feel fine until a memory flashes through my mind, or things that I want to talk to him about. Why do I miss someone that was so awful to me? Why can't I get the mentality of "good riddens"? I'm starting to lose hope for reconciliation. What's the longest someone has stayed in plan B? I'm just curious.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Any answers about plan B? How long did you stay in plan B? I'm praying for a miracle; I think I've done everything I can with this exposure....he just isn't coming back.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Posts: 1,879
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After I left, it was 10 days, but I actually wanted to come home after one day, wheels told me he wasn't ready. So for me it was one day, but it took 10 days till wheels accept me to come back home. Not sure if this helps. Sorry.
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I believe that Queenie stayed in plan B for around 2 years. I haven't read her story yet though. There is a few others who have stayed in for a while. I haven't been around long enough though. I have been in for 5 months and 8 days. DrH usually advises up to 2 years. The chance of recovery AFTER 2 years is SLIM.
Exposure doesn't always work on its own and it isn't always IMMEDIATE.
You have done everything so well up until this point. You need to get focusing on YOU and having some personal recovery. The way I look at it is that I am getting strong enough so if/when my WH wants to come home I will say, "You need to meet these requirements or don't bother." That's what I am focusing on. Making a life that is void of WH and that he could rejoin if he meets with my requirements. Stay STRONG. You have done so well so far.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Did anyone's WS ever come back after 2 years? I'm trying to think about me right now, but it's hard to stop thinking "pitiful me". I have good moments and bad moments. Someone at school said to me, "I'm tired of looking at this sad Kim....I want to see the happy Kim I'm used to."
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I had someone say that to me too. Honestly, HopeE, it's like we are clones. I will link you to a thread by Queenie. You will need to go through her topics created to find the other threads. Here.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Ok, I broke plan B and read his malicious text, so might as well post it here: I guess someone got back to them about FB...here it the whole messy thing.
"You have ruined lives with your vicious and assumptive lies. I hope you pay for it big time. You have totally proven why I have planned on a divorce for years. I know you get relief in besmudging people with amnesty, but thats about to change. You have lied enough! You are truly the most evil, not Godly, human being I ever had the bad fortune to meet. You are a liar about everything. Please do not think I would ever reconcile. This is the reason I've been contemplating and planning my escape for years. I hear you are still slandering OW too. There never was what you wanted there to be. I hope she sues you. And No, there is not anything now either. Just what she always was just a friend. But that was my mistake."
I know tell me how bad i was for reading this....now I'm agonizing over this.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Posts: 8,240
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 Okay now that that is over  It is HARD to do a dark Plan B but now you know why you MUST. Please don't read his texts anymore and forward them directly to your brother. Your brother can read them for you and filter it out like SB said. Oh HopeE, I am so sorry. Now, you need to focus on yourself twice as hard. Did you finish reading Queenie's threads already? I am sure you had other things you could have been reading to HELP you get personally recovered. Have you read Mimi's thread? There are a lot of recovery threads out there. Please, take care of yourself and don't go into affairland again.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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