I have to agree with RIF, I would NOT trust him right now and I would snoop as much as you can. One thing I learned early on was WS are master liars. Looking back on my FWS, he lied about everything until he came out of the fog and it was like a new H. Trust your gut, if you are having any doubts about him you are probably right!

Trying to find some new ways to snoop...??? Any ideas?

Today H has called me alot from work, they gave me extra hours at my work, and usually he hates it, but is having no problems with it...kinda weird, I think that H is fine with me working so much. Back in Sept I was working a ton, at night, and had a guy at work hitting on me and trying to get me to have an A with him. I liked the attention, but NEVER went there. H never questioned me about my late hours. After he told me about his OW, I told him how I had opportunity's, but never took them, how I was VERY unhappy, but didn't want to go there. Oddly just a little while ago, the boy( from old job), ( 10 years younger than me) called me out of the blue to see if I wanted to go have drinks with him tonight! ????

So odd! But I of course said no, he knew back then I was having problems, and has no clue where and what I am dealing with now. A small voice in my head wants revenge, but I am BETTER than that. I would NEVER do that to my family. I don't think I could live with myself. But, its so weird this phone call came today...it feels like a test to me. Like I have been so unhappy for a long time, and then all crashes down on me.

I am excited for my trip with H. I hope that it reminds us of good memories, and helps us reconnect. I will stick to the Plan A...but how long? I can't do it alone forever. I don't want to feel like a doormat.

Hi GM - Please be careful here... I would tell your H about the phone and ask him to call this "boy" back and let him know that he doesn't appreciate him calling HIS wife to ask her out for "drinks"...



You are absolutely correct, you can't do this forever. At some point, you'll have to consider going to Plan-B in order to save what love you have left for your H. You will need to let him know that you still love him, but that you can't continue living with him as long as he is involved with the OW.

Semper Fi,

RIF

GoddessMama--how are you doing? Is the weekend at the cabin still on?

Hi Goddess. I am so sorry for what you are going through. My DH and I are in R from his A almost three years ago but I will never forget the pain, anxiety, depression and feelings of anxiety. Please clarify for me. Does your WH work days and you nights? If this is the case, it will be almost impossible to R your M. He seems to like when you are gone. Even without his entitled attitude that enables him to spend your off time with his friends, during early weeks of R Dr Harley says that 20 hours of UA (uninterrupted activity) time is an absolute neccessity. Your weekend away will be a good opportunity for Plan A but his defensiveness bothers me.

Of course you cry! The man who promised to love and honor you til death do you part was just boinking an OW and telling her what a B you are. You ARE the victim! The victim of his crime against you , your M and his family. Dr H and my own DR say that adultery is one of the most traumatic experiences that anyone can ever go through even comparing it to the loss of a child or rape. I am still being experiencing PTSD syptoms. His inability to own his immoral behavior and put it on you is VERY disturbing.

Your seperation was not Plan B in that you dis notset boundaries for your M and give him conditions under which you were willing to risk trying to R the M. R is YOUR bus to drive not his. He already made the decision to rip your heart out and risk his M by committing A. All of the decisions regarding that R decision are now yours. You tell him what you want him to tell you. You tell him that nights out alone are selfish indulges for M couples with small children and limited time alone together even before an A. That is what got you guys into this mess.

These are not SD. They are how you lay the groundwork for a new M and a strong relationship not the wreck of a M that you had before his adulteress A. I speak from experience in all of this, Goddess. I was afraid to tell my DH what my conditions were for not immediately terminating our M because I was afraid that he would leave if I did. It turned months of H3ll into two years of off and on H3ll. Raise the bar before it is too late and do at least one session with the Harleys if you have to do a yardsale to afford it. I have heard that it is invaluable and many folks on here have completely turned their M around after only one or two sessions. Your WH does not get to decide what he talks about at MC and the Harleys will not put up with that.

God's Blessings,

Say