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#2377629 05/21/10 08:35 PM
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Tom2010 Offline OP
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If you ever want to see a film that conveys the dynamics, the pain, and the reactions regarding an affair see "Someone to Watch Over Me. It was billed as a thriller crime film, and my wife and I saw it on one of our typical weekend movie times quite a few years ago. I never at that time really recognized the affair premise in the film. I was just looking for the crime thriller entertainment at that time I think.

If ya want to see how women react and handle an affair when they discover it then you need to see "Ellie" who is Tom Berenger's wife slap the crap out of his face when he tried to plead for Ellie's forgiveness in a parking lot. I felt embarassed for the screen husband. I also felt that if I had to in the real world look into my wife's eyes (i.e., per Ellie) and try to deny I would totally and honestly recognize the hurt and probably fall on my sword.

I know there is another film on an affair (typical Hollywood style) with richard gere about an affiar, but this film just plain hurts in the heart.

Thanks,

Tom

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Tom, does the movie glorify adultery? Or does it portray it in its proper sleazy light?

That is what makes the difference to me. The movie, Unfaithful with Richard Gere and Diane Lane, was outstanding in how it so accurately portrayed the hurt and the pain. They never romanticized the affair; but portrayed it in its proper reckless light. They also portrayed the OM very well; as a scumbag who goes through women.

The very interesting part was the portrayal of Diane Lane's ADDICTION. You don't usually see that.

Compare that to pigpen movies like Bridges of Madison County. A worthless movie where 2 pigs rut in the pig pen. The movie attempts to romanticize and glorify a barn yard act. But...ya can put a dress on a pig and you still have a pig. snooooooooooooooooooore........... sleep


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Another thing that stood out to me about Bridges of Madison County was how her poor children had to find out after her death that their mother was a pig.

How heartbreaking it is for kids to have to find out what a pig you are when they bury you. My father had a "girlfriend" in the last years of his life who turned out to really be his mistress for 35 years. My father had taken ALL of us kids around her at some time or the other when we were little. She regaled us with stories of how "yore daddy brought you into the bank when you were 15!" sick


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Hi Melody,

I so agree with you. This is basically a crime thriller with Tom Berenger playing the detective and the affair part (basically a ONS) while he is protecting a key witness is only a small part of it. It didn't go into details of that at all and there were not explicit scenes. I do think the director presented it to get in a romantic connection and all of that. The only thing that hit me is when his wife discovered the actress (and I can't think of her name) really portrayed the betrayed wife with realism at a dinner scene is all, and when he hemmed hawed she socked him she was so disgusted. And no that part of this film was not sleezy by any means like a Michael Douglas or Sharon Stone film. You would have to see it Melody.

Yea, C and I rented 'Bridges' several years ago mistakenly only because Clint was in it. We actually turned it off about half way.

Anyway, I am going to have to create a new thread probably. After alot of thought I filed a compaint right after C told me she was abused. This was with the Elder Abuse wing of the IL dept. of aging. They took the complain and assigned an ombudsman to investigate. That person finally got there to the nursing home last Tuesday to talk with her and called me yesterday to come in to discuss their report. No info on that phone call on what they found. It could be her crying wolf or it could be some real concern and coverup. Point is C called me that day Tues. and ripped me. Since then she hasn't taken my calls. I talked to her counselor that day on Tues. and he told me she feels that I should have consulted with the admin. there and kept it in house. I also had a phone consult with an attorney the day before I did any of this and he advised me to get an independent party to investigate....a friend, a PI, an agency rep. ...and I chose the latter.

I haven't talked to her since Tues. I decided for my own well being I would get my container garden in now that the weather is really nice now, and I am glad I did.

Anyway thanks for listening Melody. My situation is so unusual that I sometimes think that this is just an opportunity to vent. I have never had an affair in my life - oh yea the playing the field when I was dating yes but nothing that I feel ashamed about. Yes there was that time which I think I did mention here when I took a co-worker out to lunch because for a very short while...like a few weeks ..I felt fascinated by her. That was 35 years ago. That was the only time I was with her and back then there was no internet, email etc., and as I recall about that time I would have been scared to death if she had asked for another luch or anything else.

The situation is so confusing Melody. Right now am going to enjoy my evening and make sure I don't overwater the plants when I water them tonight.

Thanks,

Tom

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Thanks for the update, Tom. I am sorry hear that C is angry about you reporting this to the state, but I agree you did the right thing. Better to have an outside party investigate to make sure she is OK. I hope the staff there is not giving her a hard time about it; that just ocurred to me. crazy Surely not.

Glad you are having nice weather there. Our weather here in South Texas has been wonderful this weekend too. A little hot and humid, but we love it like that. Hope the rest of your weekend is nice, Tom. smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Its hard to find a show on TV that DOESN'T have an A going on in them.

I am watching GLEE first season with the WW right now. Its one of her favorite shows. The leading man is involved in an EA with the school guidance counselor. His wife is a bad person and is doing crazy Hollywood stuff to try to keep him.

I know im nothing like the wife but seeing the EA heating up and the negative light they cast the marriage in makes me sick. Like I am wrong for trying to save my family and my wife.

Quote:
My situation is so unusual that I sometimes think that this is just an opportunity to vent. I have never had an affair in my life - oh yea the playing the field when I was dating yes but nothing that I feel ashamed about. Yes there was that time which I think I did mention here when I took a co-worker out to lunch because for a very short while...like a few weeks ..I felt fascinated by her. That was 35 years ago. That was the only time I was with her and back then there was no internet, email etc., and as I recall about that time I would have been scared to death if she had asked for another luch or anything else.


Tom I can relate to that as well. When i look back at the last 2 years of my life and see how much I just gave up on my wife It makes me sick. I never cheated. I did date another girl at the same time I was dating my WW. They both knew about each other but looking back now Its just another source of guilt.

Keep your head up.


(ME) BS - 33YO
(HER) WW - 32YO
Married 7 years
DD5
D-Day - 5/1/10 (PA)
Exposure 5/7/10
Plan A 5/7/10 -
Plan B or Recovery on 7-1-10 Its in her court ATM
My thread
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I am actually struggling with movies and shows with all the EA's being displayed. I rarely find time to watch a movie and last night I tried to watch my Netflix selection which I thought was a comedy. He's Not That Into You and it displayed an all out affair. The wifes reaction was very similiar to mine except she never worked things out and they ended in divorce.
I also am a fan of glee but I hate the EA being glorified with the guidance counselor.


ME: BS 38 H: WH 46 DS: 4y/o DS: 2y/o
Married: 11 years OW: Neighbor/family friend and married
OWH is aware of affair
D-DAY 11/29/09 confronted DH about number of text messages and receive reluctant 2 day confession. No emotion from DH.
2ND D-DAY 5/2/10 DH self confesses to EA and PA
NC since 5/3/10
Both in counseling with SH
(EA began 9/09 PA 11/22 (car encounter)
EA begins again sometime in March 10 and 2nd car PA encounter on 4/23 and WH confesses to affair on 5/2.
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Hi,

I know what you mean, and C has asked me to fast forward many times when an explicit sex scene comes on. We both felt uncomfortable with that even tho she may have been sitting right next to me. Or we just turned it off and watched something else or did somethings else..*s*

Anyway sex or the hint of it sells.

We both saw "he's just not into you" and actually were both bored and saw watched something else. She loves J. Anniston and I do not.

This was back in early April and we watched a couple of films here - one was her's and it was a recent one with dustin hoffman, but cannot remember the title, and one was mine. Mine was a John Wayne western Rio Lobo. We have compromised and traded off like this throughout our marriage. Anyway it is a really dumb movie with only a couple of good scenes. But, one was when they (wayne as sort of a bounty hunter, a young woman, and some young guy) were on the trail of some crooks and they had to camp out. She gets cold during the night and crawls in with Wayne under his blanket. In the morning when Wayne sees her wake up and asks her what she was doing, she replies that she just wanted to be warm and comfortable during the night. Wayne just looks at her in astonishment and says: "well I have been called alot of things but I have not been called 'comfortable' before". My wife really laughed, and she does not even like John Wayne!

Thanks,

Tom

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I can't watch affair movies. Or shows. Which means I pretty much don't watch TV anymore.

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Hi rlt,

The whole thing that got me started on this is that that film was I thought a crime thriller and did not expect those scenes, but they just hit me hard as to what one person can do to another. The only prime time show that I do watch is 2 1/2 men.

Tom


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