All of that is included in my counseling requirement - counseling is just the starting point. My therapist says that often times, WS's don't understand the importance of the other requirements until a third party (counselor) is able to explain it from a neutral viewpoint. She already has my list of requirements and includes virtually everything on your list. I also have complete honestly and full discolsure on there at the top. As for #5, I take it a step further and add him getting GPS.

I am just itching for this to get exposed, I DO NOT like his friends, and I do hope you tell there wife's and show them that there husband has been cheating on them so they can have the same fate!

That's what I wanted to hear anne.

Remember when the day comes you never ask if the wayward is having an affair, you tell them very clearly you know their comitting adultery.

@Sapphire - I despise these friends!!! WH will only get a chance to make this right because of the kids. I am keeping a separate file on the friends (who I already have more than enough dirt on to expose right now!). Their house of cards is about to tumble.

@Chrisner � That�s why I need absolute proof. So that I will have the confidence to say I KNOW and not I �think�. Only when I get that, will I be able to handle this and not risk letting him worm his way out of it. I�ve been with this man for almost 20 years (married 10) and am worried I will let him talk his way out of it if I�m not armed with enough proof.

Have you talked to your lawyer about all the evidence you have? Does he say you have enough? Or does he say get more?

I don't have a lawyer yet but I do know someone who works in that field and I don't yet have enough to file on grounds of adultery and have a solid case. If I file, the grounds will be adultery.

That would be my next step then! While I am still gathering all the evidence I need for my case, is to talk to a lawyer and let him know about the situation.

I have a lawyer I want to use. I plan to go in for a consultation soon and see what she says. I'm trying hard to listen to my instincts and do things the right way. Something is holding me back from going to the lawyer yet because the timing doesn't feel right.

WH emailed Dirtbag Friend letting him know that OW/ButterFace and I were finally going to meet. Here is Dirtbag's response: "Oh man good luck with that those two worlds shouldn't cross. I am sure your wife wants to see the new dog. Things that make you go hmmmmmm!" On reply form WH, of course. He's very careful about what he says on email.

He and Dirtbag have a big night out on Saturday. They are both excited because there will be "plenty of good looking women" where they are going. Too bad they always take Dirtbag's car. That means I won't get anything from the VAR that night. Darn it! Hopefully, the computer will come home with him and I will have all of Saturday night to get the keylogger on his computer and test it out. Wish me luck!

I had the same feeling. I'd wait a bit longer before you consult an attorney.

Good luck getting that keylogger on there! I have a feeling that you're going to hit pay dirt with it.

I agree the KL could very well give her the answers.

Anne, does his laptop belong to him? He is more likely to freely chat on there if it belongs to him vs. belonging to his work place.

I don't hold out a lot of hope that the keylogger will get me much but it is worth a try. He is so careful about what he says on email, especially to OW/ButterFaceb, but I guess you never know. He does not own his laptop, it belongs to his work, as does his cell phone. He's obviously not as smart as he thinks he is (or maybe I'm not as stupid as he thinks I am...or maybe both?) so I just hope he gives me what I need soon.

The Saturday plans with Dirtbag are off. Dirtbag was playing one of his pranks to try to get WH to go out with him that night. I can't give any details about the prank because it would make my location too obvious. WH is not going out with him Saturday but I know they discussed gambling (wait, did I say gambling, I mean to say GOLFING) on Sunday morning.

A question about the VAR and confronting WH. My therapist says I should take the VAR out of the car before I confront because she thinks he will immediately search the car and find it. I was inclined to leave it in there because I'm sure his first call after I confront will be to Dirtbag and I don't want to miss that. Thoughts?

I know you well enough to know by now that you won't offer up the fact that you bugged his car. But I suspect your therapist is right - he more than likely will search the car. Don't you have an old VAR, the first one you tried that didn't work very well? Why don't you, just before you confront him, put that one in the car in a place that would be easier to find than where your good one is. That way, if he is inclined to search, he'll find that one and hopefully assume that it's the only one. A decoy VAR, if you will.

OMG, that is a great idea!!! I love this forum. Don't get me wrong, I hate that any of us has to be here but I just don't know what I would do without all of you. I actually have three VARS. I can use the crappy one and "hide" it where I know he will find it and hopefully stop looking. The other two I have are the ones that work really well and I switch them out ever two days or so. I keep the good one under the passenger seat so I can put the bad on under his seat which is where he will look first anyway. One less thing to worry about when the time comes. Thanks again!

I've gotten pretty good at my snooping over the past 15 months.

Your H might find both, but putting the second one in and hoping he finds only that one is a better risk to run than having him find your good one.

It sounds like you are not 100% sure he has cheated on you? I am 100% sure, and I'm sure plenty of other people here are also 100% sure.

What do you suppose would happen if you took your 99% and added the other 1% with a bluff? I'm sure the good folks here could help you come up with a speech that would stop him in his tracks. The skeleton would be something like:

Sit down now, and don't say a word. I know. I absolutely know. I know that you are not capable of keeping your thing in your pants. Don't bother with more lies. I won't listen and you will sound stupid.

And by the way, I also know about the gambling.

Even if he finds both, I doubt he will think you have a third...so you could probably put the third back in the car.

What if she's wrong? What if we're wrong? I agree that it certainly is walking like a duck, but Anne isn't 100% sure, and she wants to be. I can't blame her, because he's either a victim of weird circumstance, or he's pathologically good at covering his tracks. I think Anne wants to make sure either way. (Sorry for speaking for you, Anne - correct me if I'm wrong.)

Oh, I am 100% sure he cheated. I'm also 100% sure that I need 100% proof before I proceed with either recovery or divorce. I also know I need 100% proof to protect myself against the lies he will tell me when I confront him. I know smarter women than me have fallen for those lies and I don't want that to happen to me. At this point, he can (and will) spin everything I have and he will play on my emotions which he is excellent at doing and I'm very vulnerable right now because I'm pregnant and am dealing with a sick parent. If I tip him off that I'm on to him now, I will never get my proof. All of this is being done to protect myself and my children. Bluffing is dangerous and not a good option for me right now.

He could find them both but putting in a decoy is a very good idea. He's understimated me thus far, so maybe he will continue to do so.

I'm 100% sure that he's betrayed me and that he's "pathologically good at covering his tracks" but you are right about everything else. This is a VERY strange situation and not typical of what usually goes on during affairs. My therapist is often shocked by what I tell her and she has dealt with infidelity for YEARS. This is my life I am talking about and I need to know EXACTLY what is going on. I know it's something bad but more infomration will only help me with however I proceed. I've said it before and I will say it again...I've come too far to blow it now.