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I have been married for 34 yrs(anniversary is 6/26) I discovered 2 weeks ago that my husband has been having an affair with a friend of the family. I had gotten an anonymous call at work, I thought it was a joke till I got his reaction, he was angry and said he would not give up his friend based on gossip. We have a 24 yr old daughter who is home on vacation. I asked him to tell me the truth but he kept insisting that they were just very good friends, well I got into his e mails and saw the whole thing, in an e mail she wrote 9/2008 she stated that she had been in his life for 2 1/2 yrs. Since then it has been ugly in my house, my rage has no bounds. a couple of the e mails are continuation of text or IM and I want to see what they say. he uses his laptop so I need a keylogger that can be plugged there, any recommendations?
BS me 55yrs
WH 59 yrs
M 34 yrs 6/26/2010
DD 25
D Day May 5, 2010
NC 5/12/2010
Duration of affair 5 years, but other affairs discovered on D Day
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Welcome to MB and I am sorry that you are here. Have you read all of the available material on here? Read this from beginning to end and click the links
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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First off, if there is an affair here, she is no friend of the family. Scotland has a lot of info so please, write back for more information and questions. It looks like you need to start being in Plan A! Loving, cheering, wife while you SNOOP SNOOP SNOOP! Gather all the information you need of this A. Emails, text, phone bills, etc so when you expose him you have all the evidence if no one believes you  The greatest advise I can give you is to get all the support you need, family, friends, etc. Also Is the OW married? If so GET HIS INFO ASAP and let him know that his wife has been cheating on him for 2 1/2 years. Good luck!
Last edited by SapphireReturns; 05/26/10 05:25 PM.
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SR-The way I read it, it's been more like 4 years. Teaser, am I wrong in the way I read that?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Either way, the OWH needs to KNOW! Please keep us updated
Last edited by SapphireReturns; 05/26/10 05:31 PM.
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Hi thanks for the response. First, yes she is married, I sent him a copy of a few of the e mails, and I have spoken with him, this is not her first, (something apparently WH did not know)I also sent about 3 e mails to her 24 yr old daughter(who was my daughter's bff). The affair was 2 1/2 yrs old in 2008, so by my calculation, it was a 5 yr affair when discovered. I sent e mails to her pastor, I am thinking of printing and sending copies to her mother. The question I have is what keylogger device should I use since he uses a laptop?
BS me 55yrs
WH 59 yrs
M 34 yrs 6/26/2010
DD 25
D Day May 5, 2010
NC 5/12/2010
Duration of affair 5 years, but other affairs discovered on D Day
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By my calculation that e mail was written 9/2008 so by my calculation I say 5 yrs
BS me 55yrs
WH 59 yrs
M 34 yrs 6/26/2010
DD 25
D Day May 5, 2010
NC 5/12/2010
Duration of affair 5 years, but other affairs discovered on D Day
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I need to know how does one deal with the anger, my doctor has put me on medication, I have been out of work for 2 weeks and expect to be out till the end of next week. I have been totally out of control and I am not used to that, I am usually in control, I have actually hit him a couple of times( he has not dared to hit back!!!)
BS me 55yrs
WH 59 yrs
M 34 yrs 6/26/2010
DD 25
D Day May 5, 2010
NC 5/12/2010
Duration of affair 5 years, but other affairs discovered on D Day
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I don;'t know that it matters if you use a laptop or PC but I may be wrong. Ebalster by spectorpro is the one usually recommended on here a lot. You can look up the spying threads and read up on all of the techniques you can use. Have you exposed this affair wide open? It needs to be exposed. I believe that you have enough proof for exposure. You would keep snooping to see where it is going now. You need the intel to know what you are fighting. Here are the two spying threads Spying 101 Spying 102
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I do need to let you guys know that he sent an e mail ending the affair and swears that he wants to work on the marriage-you will have to forgive me if I have a problem believing that. It hurts like hell reading all those e mails he sent to her-they had a sick habit of recapping their times together, and the thing that is making me ballistic? they were screwing in my house and in my BED!!!
BS me 55yrs
WH 59 yrs
M 34 yrs 6/26/2010
DD 25
D Day May 5, 2010
NC 5/12/2010
Duration of affair 5 years, but other affairs discovered on D Day
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OK, so you have already started on the exposure, what you need to do then is to tell EVERYONE! Your FB friends, his FB friends, the OW's FB friends, go to her page if she has one and do it that way, contact her family too.
I know you are very upset BS are always angry, and emotional that is expected, but you really need to stay calm! If you want to fix this M, you need to go straight to Plan A after all the exposure, let him know that you are still a loving spouse, and that you are willing to do anything to save this marriage! No LB'S! He needs to feel guilty, not glad that he's had this A this long, if you start arguing, fighting with him then the more he will leave you and go with the OW.
Can someone link her exactly what A plan A is? TY
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Okay, first, you need to get copies of all of your evidence and put it somewhere safe.
Second you need to read up on exposure and make a plan to make it NUCLEAR. Do NOT warn your (F?)WH or OW. You are going to expose this affair to the light of day to EVERYONE who has influence over the affair.
You will also need to learn how to pull off an effective Plan A and if you see by your snooping techniques that the affair is still on, you will go into Plan B after about 3-4 weeks of a solid Plan A.
DO NOT TELL YOUR WH ABOUT THIS SITE.
Have you ordered the book Surviving an Affair?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I forgot, does WH still see OW at all? Are you willing to relocate? I also think it is time for a new bed. 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Ok if he has already told you that he will not contact the OW then you need to do the following...
1. Have him write A No contact Letter, and have YOU send it
2. Keep snooping do not stop that!
3. He needs to go to MC with you
4. You guys need to move, since you know they slept in your house, that will be a HUGE trigger for you from now on, and to only fix that is to get out of that house.
5. Burn up your bed
6. Check for STD's (since the OW has done it before)
7. Set up personal boundaries for your husband so this DOES NOT happen again!
Last edited by SapphireReturns; 05/26/10 05:48 PM.
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SR, hold horses a little. Teaser needs to make sure that the affair is killed DEAD and that she exposes.
Teaser, have you read all of the info on this site? Do you have any questions?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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No contact means NO CONTACT EVER!! Even if just to say "HI" The reason why I said in number 2 to keep snooping because you need to know if he is doing JUST that, if you find ONE ounce of evidence that they are still Contacting, then do what scotland say, give it 3-4 weeks into plan A then go straight to Plan B!
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OH! I am not saying to stop the massive exposure! Do that first by all means! I am saying after the Exposure do what I have suggested
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I do need to let you guys know that he sent an e mail ending the affair and swears that he wants to work on the marriage-you will have to forgive me if I have a problem believing that. It hurts like hell reading all those e mails he sent to her-they had a sick habit of recapping their times together, and the thing that is making me ballistic? they were screwing in my house and in my BED!!! I am so sorry this has happened to you, teaser! You're in the right place, though. Do this immediately: go to the link Scotland just posted for you and READ EVERYTHING. ASAP. Do not strike your WH (Wayward Husband) again. As much as you want to pound him into the pavement, DON'T DO IT. Take it from someone who knows - you'll feel bad about it later. I beat the sh*t out of my FWH, who is a soccer player & in great shape, and he never raised a hand to defend himself. It's the one thing I regret to this day. I am so much better than that. So are you. Beat the living sh&t out of your pillow. Pick it up and slam it against the floor. Repeat as often as necessary. Replace when needed. Now start reading and we'll help you get through this.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I wish I had known of this site 2 weeks ago, but I have to move on, yes I have read about plan A & B, but will review B again, I sort of got stuck on A cause my anger is so great I can't even get to A. moving would mean selling my house but I will have to give it serious consideration, it was our dream home, thank God I had just bought a new mattress set otherwise..., I still feel I have more exposing to do, relocating is also a huge problem due to the nature of my job. Heres a pisser, WH has insulin dependent diabetes and had convinced me he was 100 % impotent(I know this to be a legitimate side effect of the disease and/or the medication) -can you understand my rage? Now he tells me that the impotence was sporadic. There is no way in hell I will give up on the snooping.
BS me 55yrs
WH 59 yrs
M 34 yrs 6/26/2010
DD 25
D Day May 5, 2010
NC 5/12/2010
Duration of affair 5 years, but other affairs discovered on D Day
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And you should NEVER give up on snooping. Bliss is in recovery and states that she snoops all of the time(sorry about saying this about you when you are obviously here  ). Do you WANT to save this marriage? If you do, we can help you. If you don't, we can help you. I always assume that someone posting on a marriage BUILDERS website WANTS to rebuild. I am sorry if I made that assumption prematurely. Let us know how we can help.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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