No and I knew I wasn't going to stop posting because it would be just that, giving up.


Yes my marriage problems are my fault. I know this more than ever. No matter how angry he is in the things he says to and about me, this situation is my fault and I brought it on myself. I know I know I know. I really do. No matter how much I b!tch about it.

This may be unpopular but you two should part ways.

You at a party with many wive's effing OM's makes me ill. I pray for your children.

Your H? It seems he just wants an excuse to do whatever.

There are three children getting totally screwed here!

Edit to add...I wish I could call child services!

Again, MaiMai...not very helpful to attack people who come here for help.

Margie, just keep trying. Maybe with both of you on here you can get the help you need.

Ok, let me try and do something good and productive.

How do I go about being honest. This is a huge problem for me and a huge LB to H. I really want to be honest. I have the tendency to try and protect him and his feelings. I have the tendency to hope he doesn't find out the truth-big or small. I lie about everything including things that you would think don't need to be lied about. I am a liar. Period.

How do I stop.

You start with, ironically enough, commitment.

Promise yourself you will never lie. Ever. Commit to that.

Your insecurities mean other people and their opinion of you dictate who you are. You need to realize that you and you alone determine who you are. Who is there at the end of the day? Only you. Who is responsible for you - your actions, your decisions, how your life plays out? Only you. All of these people you so cheaply sell your integrity and morality to - gone. It's. Just. You.

What kind of person do you want to be?

Hi MaiMai.

I don't know you at all but wanted to respond to you after looking at Margie's latest story update and Igrip's.

I am honestly in agreement with you in that both of them are so immmature that they need pro help as I posted last evening, and not simply posting here. It is like a drama, and sometimes I wonder if he/she are trolls or at the very least that they are totaly dysfunctional. The absence of any of the other vets makes me feel this is the case.

But, if her story is true, I would not want to be her or his child, and yes I do believe that there may be child abuse or neglect going on in this unhealthy dysfunctional family.

Margie: Get professional help soon, for both of you and the sake of your kids.

Thanks MaiMai for highlighting this.

Tom

MaiMai,

Just happened to think of this regarding my last post. I do not want you or anyone else to think or misinterpret that I think that Igrip is immmature. I just posted wrongly. I mentioned his name in my last post regardig Margie Only because I also read his most recent post before I read this one. The two people who are totally immature are Margie and Andrew, and I am having a hard time even believing that a married couple could be this so screwed up totally.

Thanks,

Tom

Tom, The vets won't post here because this is an affairage- it is probably a lost cause as they have abysmall success rates, precisely because they are founded on dysfunction... I'm holding out hope if only for the sake of their children. Hope that they will see the depth and level of their dysfunction and reform: becoming the parents their children deserve.

I truely believe that this forum won't be enough to help them. They need coaching. I've been formulating my advice to them- I'm going to sleep on my thoughts and see what I think of them tomorrow before I post it.

I'm glad you and Andy are still around Margie. It gives me hope for you.

I really hope you turn this around. When I read of affairages like this I think of my sisters- they didn't deserve to have adulturers as parents, but that's what they got. When I see people like you two I want to help because ALL children deserve to be raised by parents in a loving, healthy environment. I hope you two can create that.

Vibrissa,

Some veterans will post, but if the poster is not honest with themselves or us, there is little reason to offer suggestions on bad data. Margie, can do many things to make her life better, but it starts with an HONEST evaluation of what is actually going on and what needs to be changed on her side of things.

The same goes for her H.

JL

Honesty is not an attack.

**edit***

First you stop lying to yourself.
You are NOT 'protecting' your H's feelings. That's a load of crapola. You ARE being selfish.
That's it. You are SELFISH, THAT is why you lie.
That is why you cheated on two husbands and that is why I pray for your children.

I posted some things about my H that were more mean spirited and venting than productive and I'm sorry. I have hurt him again and I think he's given up on me for the last time. I'm not giving up and I'm going to try to keep learning about myself and bringing out the good and controlling the bad.

That's all I have to say right now.

I agree JL, completely. I don't think either of them are being very honest. Also, I don't want anyone to think I'm saying anything bad about those who chose not to post to them. I absolutely agree with their reasons for doing so. Everyone should post how they want. I was simply saying that due to the nature of this relationship, some people won't offer advice.

After thinking about this last night I have come to the realization that I don't think any advice I give would be productive. I know what I want to say and I know what advice I'd give, but I don't know that I can explain myself in a way you and Andrew would understand, your basic fundamental conceptions of marriage are so different from my own. People have told you repeatedly to sit down and think about what marriage is to you, what your thoughts are on commitment. I haven't seen that you've done that.

You both need to look up honesty and integrity and understand how they must be applied, not just to your marriage, but to your lives.

Apart from that, the only advice I feel I can give is to call the coaching center. Money cannot be an excuse if you truly value your marriage. Walk dogs, mow lawns, wash cars, collect cans, donate plasma do whatever you have to do to get the money for it. If it matters to you you will work to get it.

Good for you, Margie. I wondered when I saw his post saying he quit....

All you can do is better yourself. Before you do ANYTHING hurtful from now on, please take a moment to stop, think, and post it here first. That's the best way to Plan A and not LB.

Is he still at home? Did he leave?

Please don't pay attention to the overly negative posts to you two . Remember what you are here for, and while you will get 2x4's when you deserve them, keep the goal in mind.

Sorry Margie, short t/j here: MaiMai, when did child abuse EVER come into this????

That's child abuse in my book and, I would hope, most peoples. **edit**

Margie - I haven't posted to you before, but feel that a few "technical instructions" are in order for you and your husband, should he decide to return to posting and asking for help here.

The technical instructions are this:

If you find yourself on the receiving end of "unhelpful" feedback that discourages you from taking the necessary steps to changing your character and seeking an honorable life of integrity from here on out, please use these instructions which allow you to filter that "advice".

Click on the user name of the person delivering unhelpful advice; you will see a drop down menu - select "view profile"

On the bottom of that screen you will see a menu with four choices:

Add to UBB Buddies

Ignore this user

Add to Watched Users

Show User's Posts.

I strongly encourage you to click on "Ignore this user". I encourage your husband to do the same. Sometimes people here can become a hindrance to recovery; you have to be selective about what you put into your head right now. You need to focus on changing your character and your nature to openness and honesty. Focus your mind and heart on feedback that helps you do that.

Please tone it down and keep posts respectful and helpful to the OP.

I've been away for a wile, someone point me to the husbands thread.
Where these woman also married?
Where the men?
Where these your "Friends"?

Margie, any updates? Is your husband still around? I've been thinking about you!