H is coming home today after 5 days in FL to be with OW who lives there. We have agreed to talk when he gets home. Short version of my story: H in affair for 8 months. We were separated since 7/5 for 3 months, he camre home for 2 1/2 weeks and left again. He continued with OW entire time we have been together and separated.<P>When H told me he was going to FL to spend 5 days with OW, I told him I wanted separate checking accounts so I don't feel like I am participating in his affair by him using our joint money. We talked of D at that time, too.<P>I spoke briefly with H this morning on cell phone on his way home. I don't know how to talk to him without lovebusting!<P>I want to talk about us and our marriage and he wnats to "forget" these problems right now and is just "enjoying" himself with the OW.<P>Any advice here - should I just talk pleasantries and skip any heavy duty stuff since H doesn't wan to go there anyway? Also, in general, not just about today, but do I let H guide when we talk about the marriage and us?? I feel like I am the one (and it's true!) always harping on "fixing" us. Shoiuld I just enjoy his company and ;let him take the lead in all this so he doens't feel pressured and smothered by me???<P>I feel so AFRAID of making even more mistakes than I have already done!!!!!<P>Roll Me Away

Probably the right thing to do is continue Plan A-ing for a while longer... until you can't take it anymore and need to protect your interests(love bank.)<P>I read your profile...<BR>It seems like a difficult situation... where he accepts no counselling at all! As long as he hasn't moved out yet (hope he doesn't say that today) fill his needs as best you can... try to convince him to fill your's too. Talk with him today... <B>honestly</B>... honesty, when presented well, should not be a love buster{I always thought this was one of the hardest parts of MB}. I hope you are working on you... right now this may be the best thing that you can do.<P>He may come and go several times. It sounds like you've been trying to do this witout much luck... but persistance will win out.<P>I'm praying for you on this...<BR>I hope my wife will eventually come back to give me a chance to show her... me...<P>Best Wishes <P>Jim<BR>--------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

NSR,<P>Your name is Jim, like my H. Anyway, thanks fo rthe reply. He has moved out a week ago today for the 2nd time. I have tried to talk honestly to him. I believe he wants to avoid all of this and just move on to the fresh new relationship he has. It seems the easier thing to do than try to stay here and work through problems and issues. I told him that week ago and he said "No, it is harder to leave than to stay." I sure don't see how if he has done it anyway!<P>But, to ask another question - since I am new to this forum, how can I read others' profiles to understand their stories? I ahven't foigured out how to do it, yet. Also, can you explain a couple acronyms to me?<BR>LOL and BTW. I could figure the others out except these 2. I suspect LOL might mean lots of love, but maybe not. The other - BTW - I have no clues.<P>Also, I will pray for you all day today, too. Our S's do not realize how lucky they are to have someone who loves them so much that theyare willing to go through all this pain to preserve and improve what we have spent so many years building and enjoying. <P>Roll Me Away