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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 23
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 23 |
Is there any link between family history and this type of (infidelity)behavior? There sure seems to be a pattern between parents and children. Any insights or input?
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 738
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 738 |
My husband's parents were married for 42 years before splitting up. There was never any proof of affairs (harder to catch back then, without emails, texts, etc) but my MIL recently told me she had suspected a few times. Their separation process dragged on for a year, with his dad finally moving to another province in December. During that year, my husband became wayward.
He has said stuff about looking at his parents and not wanting to end up unhappy like his dad, etc, and talking about going to visit his dad so they could have a heart to heart about marriage, what they had "been through," etc. So yes, I think there might be a correlation.
My family had thir own dysfuction but not infidelity. I don't think I could ever have justified that to myself.
Last edited by NewPetals; 05/27/10 12:32 PM.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 83
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 83 |
I agree with the correlation.
My parents were swingers and I believe they still are to this day, but I have never told them that I know and I can tell from my mother that it is not something that she wants to do or wanted to do. She is the old school quintisential 50's wife do whatever makes the husband happy. But I have a feeling that my dad has done something without her approval but she refuses to see or believe it. I also found out from my grandmother that my grandfather had cheated on her when my mom was a baby, so yeah I believe there is a huge relation between the two.
Me: WH 36
Her: BW 35
DD: 6
DS: 3 months
M: 11 years
DDay: 2/10/10
NC: Email 2/25/10
Trying to recover....
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Probably. WSs think cheating is justified and likely teach their children that they can justify any bad behavior (not just infidelity) because they are entitled to X, Y, and Z. Or you simply have parents with bad coping skills (BS or WS) that never teach their children any coping skills either so everyone sticks their heads in the sand or runs away from reality. It is an ugly family dynamic that is far reaching.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 83
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 83 |
Yep they look at it as hey if they can do it why can't I weather it be right or wrong. That is my biggest fear for my daughter, now that she has witnessed my undoing, that she will be scared from marriage or believe it is the norm to go through this.
Me: WH 36
Her: BW 35
DD: 6
DS: 3 months
M: 11 years
DDay: 2/10/10
NC: Email 2/25/10
Trying to recover....
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 533
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 533 |
I think about wheather or not cheating is a learned behavior or natural. For example:
My partents have been married for 43 years, and I am extreamly loyal, devoted, and have good boundaries when it comes to the opposite sex.
My in-laws divorced 7 years ago because of an affair, and FIL claimed that he hasn't loved MIL for over 20 years of thier 27 year marriage. My wife has loose boundaries.
Do we learn from example? or do we inherit it from our parents? This could be asked for all psychological analysis.
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