Not a Plan B letter, just venting.

Dear CakeEater,
I think it's time you left. That's right! Get out! I've been afraid to talk to you for years. Afraid that even the simplest of things I might say will be misconstrued and upset you. You are a bully and I've had enough. I'm not going to cower in the corner anymore. You used to be a man of integrity, now POSOW has turned you into someone I don't recognize anymore.

I will always carry with me the memories of more innocent days, when we would spend everyday with each other. I remember when a week away while you were on a family vacation was torture. I will remember all the times my mother nearly caught us fooling around in my bedroom. I remember all those hours we spent working in the HS theatre. I will remember our first camping trip with the endless thunderstorms and the quiet nights we spent cuddling together on that ugly orange couch. I will remember our walk on the Turtle Beach in FL and the time we got caught in that endless hailstorm.... and so many more..

A lifetime now tarnished by your infidelity.

Go. Eat your cake. I hope she was worth it.

{{{{HEART}}}}

I know this is hard, you are doing so good! How is everything? Anything new? Whats going on?

He hasn't moved out.

Nothing much tonight.

He was home when I got back from work. He was playing his angry music loud while surfing web comics. I said hi and he kind of head bobbed. I asked him if he already ate, he said yes. about hour goes by.. and he packs an overnight bag a leaves.

I don't know who he's staying with (but I don't believe it's with the OW, she lives over an hour away)

Yeah, I'm sad after remembering all those things in my last post. I miss how things used to be. I remember even a month before he met POSOW, we had gone on vacation. He had said "if all our vacations are as fun as this one, we may have to go on more."

I stand corrected - he hasn't officially moved out, but he is disappearing for overnights AND *he cleaned out the joint bank account*.

Please get legal counsel ASAP.

Heart...keep trying, give it a week or so. If nothing changed then give him your Plan B letter for NC with you ok? Keep us updated tho.

Did your husband come home last night? Or was he out? Even tho the OW lives and hour away he would still drive up there to stay at her house, Just keep being the good guy. DO the following:

Send him pix messages of yourself and tell him to "have a good day, babe, love ya!"

Remind him of good memories you had with him, pix of your wedding, etc.

Avoid a LB

Ask him how his day was, and work

Let him know that you are still a loving wife.

I know you're not suppose to say your sorry for exposure, but I seriously couldn't function as a human being since I did that FB exposure. Why should I feel so horrible after what he has done? I don't know, but I did. I was having trouble eating, sleeping, couldn't concentrate and I couldn't carry on a conversation with anyone without wanted to cry. I just want to be loved by the stupid man again.

H was sleeping (he's working overnights, sleeps during the day). I crawled into bed next to him and said: "I was hurt. Sometimes people can do crazy things when their hurt. You call me an angel, but everyone has their weaknesses and I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me ever again".

H responded (calmly): It's not that.... I just don't want to be married anymore. I know, I'm the villain here. Let's just move on".

I laid there for a second, hoping that was just the wayward talking. Touched his arm and walked away.

I SWEAR, that was the last of the relationship talk. It was just impossible to try to do anything plan A with that weight sitting on my chest.

I'm just trying to make it through until Aug. I have a new job starting then, that is not anywhere near home. I don't think I have any legal right to kick him out of were we live now. Our condo is owned by his grandmother, we "rent" it from her.


**just slapped myself in the face**
I sound like such a weak person. As of now, I'm going to stop that. I am a good, kind person. H should be groveling at my feet for forgiveness. I love my H, but I don't need him.

Heart, you have got to stop playing into his hands.

Notice that he has lied and cheated but is smug and guilt-free?

Notice that you have done NOTHING wrong but he has managed to just about kill you with guilt?

You are being gaslighted. Look it up. I can post you a link to a thread about it, if I haven't already.

He is very nastily shifting all the blame to you and you are letting him do this. Girl, you have got to hold your head up and be proud of standing up for your marriage when all he was doing was crapping all over it.

He wants YOU to take the blame and he wants YOU to have all the guilt. Why? Because then he doesn't suffer any consequences. Why should he feel bad when you're willing to do that for him?

Stop allowing him to be so nasty to you. You are absolutely right:


Keep reading that!!

MB thread on gaslighting:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=146375&Number=1954184#Post1954184

yes keep your head up! You have to show him that you are strong and you want to save this marriage, let him know you are willing to do anything to save this marraige, your first mistake is when you APOLOGIZED to HIM for exposing!!

This is hard we know, you need to start protecting yourself, have you seen a lawyer yet? If not then do so! And do it FAST before you don't get anything!

What is your plan right now? You can't be in Plan A until August. You will go BATTY by then. You should only be in plan A for about 3-4 weeks. Then you should move into Plan B if the affair is not OVER. What are you going to do? What can we help you with?

Maybe it was a mistake, but I can breathe again. It was eating at me.

I'm sorry that it seems like I'm fighting your advice, I do appreciate it.. and as I said in my last post...I'm going to work on being a stronger person.

I'm also working on the lawyer thing. Trying to find one that can get me in for a consultation. The few that I've called so far have said that they can get me in at the end of June! Called a couple others this afternoon, waiting to hear back from them.

The plan was to Plan A until Aug. What else should I do? As I said, I don't think I can legally kick him out because his family owns the place where we live. I asked his mother once if H moved out could I stay at the condo?.. she said that she doesn't know and that I would have to talk to his grandmother. Are you serious?! The lady is 92 yrs old and going senile.

I could move in with my parents, but it seems pointless to have to pack and move twice.

If you would like to follow the plans on here, you would need to do a SOLID Plan A for a few WEEKS and then move out if you can't ask WH to leave. This would be the only way to follow MB. You could try to Plan A for the next few MONTHS but I see it ending VERY badly and you would most likely not WANT to recover your Marriage even if WH came back. You should give great consideration to moving into Plan B. Mulan pointed out that you couldn't do plan A any longer. What other PLAN on MB is there?

Doesn't your family and his family know about this situation?? If so then they need to understand why you need to kick him out (after your 4th week of plan A, I agree don't drag it out for months that's crazy talk!) After they understand, then why should they care about you kicking him out? Just cause they own it? Don't you pay the rent? And isn't HE THE one being the Adulterer?

Keep being in Plan A (3-4 weeks the most!) if the A is still going on, then move to Plan B immediately!

Your doing great heart, be strong, if he is not willing to work this out after a couple months into plan B, then at least you were strong enough to try to save this marriage and you will be a better person when you come out of it! and you will find someone that is willing to do the same for you!

Stay strong, and good luck

Well there is Plan D. If you go to Plan B, you should think about staying there only for a year or so. SH told you that Plan B is unlikely to bring your H back to the marriage, because there are no children. You have been married for 6 years, which is not a short time, but you are both young and it is likely that your H sees his age as a justification for trying new things. He seems to want to put this marriage behind him.

Go to Plan B if you want to give H a chance to change his mind, but please do not stay there long. You are young, and if you start over within a couple of years, you could have a great marriage, and children.

I was making weekend plans with a friend and I realized that a huge LB of mine is independent behavior. I was making plans for a night of fun without even considering asking my H. I can't even count the times I've done this over the years.

Is the damage done too irreversible to correct this?

How do I change this behavior?

Just wanted to pass along some advice that I received from a very good friend. She could see the depression that is setting in on me (she went through it during her teenage years), she gave me a "homework" assignment last night.

Write a Bucket List, she says. What do you want to do with YOUR life before you die? Because life IS short and you only get one. Start with a minimum of 20.

I just started, I'm on 25 with a lot more to go. Not one of those is sit and wait around for WH to remove his head from his butt.

I was reading JustKim's post about her FWH leering and gawking at OW. This was a HUGE problem in my M that was never addressed. I didn't want to be one of those controlling, jealous wives, so looking but no touching was okay with me. I trusted him 100% (I know better now, of course), I was head-over-heals in love with my H, and I thought he was the same with me. I used to point out the skankho's to him and we used to joke about it. They might as well have "I'm Easy" tattooed to their foreheads.

.... and there I go again.. trying to take ALL the blame for his decision.

Back to the bucket list, that will make me feel better.