I even apologized to my wife for failing her as a man if i ever have which led to this affair

She is telling you this because she wants to avoid having to deal with the nasty details. Don't let her do this. It's not healthy for either of you. Remind me - have you exposed this affair at her work yet? She is doing a version of 'can't we just forget and move on?' That doesn't work.

I am going to try to help you, culinary. If you think you can calm down and stay focused on a strategy, you can make it. But we really need you to calm down.



I think your instincts are telling you there is much more and I even suspect she is still in contact. She is giving you just enough to keep you at bay so she can say she tried and put you off her track.

ARE YOU LISTENING? Culunary, I am trying to help you take charge of your marriage and lead your marriage out of this morass. If you can calm yourself down enough to follow a PLAN, you might be able to make it. Can you focus on this plan?

Does the OM have a facebook account? Facebook is a collection of the person�s closest and most important friends, all in one spot! We have had numerous affairs killed in the SAME DAY after a facebook exposure. They are DEADLY. What we did was make a copy of all the names of all the OP�s friends FIRST. [this is important because once the OP gets wind you are sending out messages to his friends, he will close his page] You will have to send out an email, one by one to his facebook friends. It should go something like this:

Facebook exposure letters

Dear friend of Joe Scumbag,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends should know the kind of person he really is. Joe had an affair with my wife, Sally, from Aug until September. I believe that his friends should know this, so you can protect your marriage from him. My wife and I have 2 small daughters and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BH

Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW

i was considering getting a lawyer involved to see if i can sue for damages or something like that. No i have not exposed this at the hotel.

Are you reading the posts, culinary? Are you keeping up or am I posting to the wind?

I have a template for workplace exposure too. The best thing to do is to expose this affair everywhere, but do it on the same day in order to create a tsunami effect. Alter this to suit your situation:

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney. This letter should be mailed/delivered to the Director of HR, with cc's to a key VP and the infidel's supervisors. It should go to 3 people with all being cc'd so that no one is tempted to throw the letter away.

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS
_________________________

i will try to track his fb account tonight when i get back to my place. thank you for the advice. I don't think i can get back to my home with my wife now or anytime soon.

what do you people suggest should i do regarding my wife in case i can't go back now? what should i tell her. I already know what to do with fb.

I guess I am wondering if the affair continued even to recently or to this day. the part that strikes me odd is that when i handed the phone to her on dday, she went from hysterical to calm in a matter of seconds. i guess we will find out soon enough, as I am not taking this crap anymore. i am fed up with the thoughts of suicide, massive anxiety, and so much pain and confusion. I am now fed up.

what sickens me is that this dishonesty is like spitting on the marriage.

i am listening and like the advice.

Did you read my posts about exposing to the OMs GF, his workplace, his facebook and to any other close family and friends? That is the most critically important thing you can do. That should have been done MONTHS AGO.

I will be honest when I tell you that you are wasting our time and yours unless you do this. This is the most potent weapon you have in saving your marriage.

Read what Dr Harley, the psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders says about this:

Exposure

i read all of the postings and i know what to do. total exposure. i am fed up with all of this ! this has to stop

ok, so you have your marching orders on exposure. I would discuss your strategy here so we can help you do it the best way.

When you do the exposure, your W will be furious and threaten to blah,blah, blah.... Don't let it bother you!! they all get furious. It is no more serious than taking the car keys away from a drunk. They get over the anger, so don't let it scare you!

Then once you do this step, I would move forward with the list I gave you. Tell your wife "this is what it will take to earn my trust and recover this marriage:

1. pass a polygraph [schedule it 2 days out and make up a list of questions]

2. complete and total transparency, she must give you access to her cellphone, computer, etc [you need to sneak spyware on both]

3. commit to program of recovery

Let her know you are willing to give her a chance if she does all these things. Otherwise, this is hopeless.

understood and will move forward.

Thanks for listening. There are no guarantees, but this strategy is the most likely to kill the affair for good and result in the recovery of your marriage.

Cul,

Good decision. Now take a minute and go back and read all these posts again, slowly. Make sure you understand them. You have gotten some great advice. Stay calm, and plan how you will specifically implement Mel's advice in your situation.

I wish you the best and I'm sorry you are here, but you are in the right place that offers the best chance at saving your marriage.

It ain't easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. Stay strong.

i think that for the first time i have had it . tired of the anxiety, suicidal thoughts, blaming myself for everything and letting her just take control ofthis mess to her advantage. i am now angry for the first time. she called meto check up ask me a favor, started treating me like a child, and i am. at a motorcycle hangout so all alot of bikes were revved up. i was got a little upset and at the same time the noise level was high so i raised my voicea little and shehangs up on me. enough!

She goes to biker bars?

No I was at a bikers fest. Funny thing I was just remembering the reason why I installed the keylogger. One weekend she casually mentioned that a patron at the hotel was aggressively flirting with her. She supposedly told the guy no. that following Monday I decided to look into the web browser history of our computer cause I could not find or remember a site that I visited before. Lo and behold I found her history, she was investigating this guy�s cell phone number (she must have accepted it), she was trying to find him on fb, and track him and his personal information on google.
I mean come on, the more I think about it, the more I laugh. She even told me and the marriage counselor that it was nothing, I was blowing it out of proportion, and she was just researching him online since he was a loyal customer. ON OUR HOME COMPUTER? Tracking him on FB? That next day I put a keylogger on her computer as I was already starting to get suspicious about her �friendship� with her boss. That�s when I found all of the evidence of the affair, including a picture the OM just sent of himself practically naked.

I remember how she said, when I confronted her about the picture, that it was nothing. When I started to ask her more questions since she was full of it, she said that he had feelings for her, but she had nothing. Like I said, I am so fed up now, I am actually starting to laugh about it.
There is even a part of me that wants to just walk away. I really love her, but her dishonesty is just too much to handle. I am going to try to fix things, including following advice given to me on this forum, but I am getting a little tired of all this.

Your emotions are normal. Expect to be all over the place emotionally - one minute you'll do anything to keep her, and the next you'll be ready to kick her to the curb. It's all a part of the rollercoaster ride.

If you want to keep your marriage, it is critical that you follow the steps ML laid out for you. Do not deviate from these. This is your best chance to save your M.

I am confused ... why is it hard to help the baby's mother protect him from his abusive and untrustworthy father?