Ok, so the wife is still deployed for a while. She is going out with friends from the unit most nights. She promises me that the OM isn't there and I do believe her. The people from the two units don't like each other and so don't hang out together. She seems to be having fun. I don't understand this. I am barely functioning and I can't remember the last time I had fun. Hoew can she be out having fun?

WH is the same way. He is carrying on his life as if nothing ever happened. But for me, his A is on my mind 24/7 ! I am one step above barely-functioning. Hardly seems fair, huh? WS were the ones out having the "fun" before and they're the ones, without a care, having the "fun" now too.

Maybe not true for all WS, but I'm in the same boat as you on this one.

Now why in the world would you believe a WS? Who cares if the people in the units don't like each other? Your WW and her OP DO like each other!
Have you exposed this affair yet?

^AMEN!

So now we have yet another BS who just can't pull his cojones up into his crotch and get what belongs to him - his marriage. Surprised, don't be that pathetic wimp who 'allows' his WW to pursue screwing her 'man.' YOU are her man! What part are you not getting?

I guess you aren't getting the point that she currently over 200 miles away from home. That I won't out her to her commander because of the long term effects. Even if I divorce her I get half of her pension. I will get everything I want in the divorce because of the threat to report it to her commander and that finally I am not even really sure I want to stay married to her. I haven't made up my mind yet. So your constant hijacking of my threads telling me to out her isn't helping me. All I was asking is if anyone else has ecperienced this. I am still trying to figure out if she is in the fog. I don't know if she is still seeing him. I do know that she isn't contacting him on the cell anymore. Sooner or later I will get back into her e-mail account. When she is home I am going to do a key logger program and search her car for a trac phone. So back off and stop hyjacking my threads.

My wife also seems to want to live life like it never happened. She doesn't go out, and I do know where she is most of the time. I have learned through my thread yesterday, that I differ in opinion from many on this forum.

My situation has been 5 months. Things have been difficult. I am trying to hold it together.

My thought is that if she were to be out and about having a good time without caring what I thought about it, she can hit the road

I love my wife and adore my kids, but to be honest, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people saying that cheaters have a right to do things. That's the natural flow of an affair.

there is nothing natural about an affair. We can step up and help ourselves better our marriages, but it doesn't work if the spouse doesn't care

These are grown ups, and they need to act like it. If my wife can't step up and figure out what her family means to her, then it is time for her to go.

I have a life to live. Good luck surprisedguy. I think you will find that most of us are seeing the same thing as you

Thanks. It has only been about 2 months since I found out. I am finding lately that it is getting harder. Her being away is making it much harder. When she gets home I will have a better handle on how she really feels. Until she is I can't really do anything but try and protect myself. Not really sure how well I am doing that. I find that I don't eat supper anymore. But I am exercising more than I did before so that is good. I am feeling more like I want to tell her to hit the road because she is so in the fog and if she is at a friend�s house for a week maybe she will realize. My kids are even madder at her then I am because they see how this is affecting me. But I find I have to defend her to them because I really want them to have a relationship with their mom. I don't have one with my parents and I really regret that. I can�t believe I have to try to protect her relationship with them.

SG

R U 4 real? The first step to this MARRIAGE BUILDERS PROGRAM is exposure.

YOUR AT STEP 0

If your here to tell us how your situation is so different from everyone elses then you better find some where else to post your crap.

Do you think these posters with several thousand posts know a little something that maybe you don't?

Nesre

Not really sure why you think insulting me helps.

I don't believe that SG is saying his situation is different. I believe he like the rest of us is trying to figure out how to deal. That's why I am on this forum. I have heard many pieces of advice which I appreciate in a big way. It does not change the way I feel, but hearing things from others does help.

SG- You are a step ahead of me. I have not yet told my kids.
I believe if I had, my marriage would be over. I love my
wife, but if not for the kids, I would not put up with her
crud.
I'm not a fan of this fog we speak of. If she wants to be
with another, so be it. She is going to be the one who is
going to wake up one day with this loser and wonder what
the hell happened.
If she wants to grow up and see that what I am telling her
true and honest, then we can be great once again. I do not
believe the cheaters have a right to do as they please.

I agree with SG. For anyone out there, to insult someone who is saying what they feel is not in anyway a helpful thing.

We are all here because we need to be

No one is insulting you SG. People are just trying to help you take some difficult first steps.

Right now you are just in paralysis by analysis mode.

I forget, do you work outside the home?

SWW

I did not even come to MB until after me and my FWH were into recovery and i exposed his affair, it seemed like the right thing to do to break it up.

To tell people that care about me and my h that he is messing up right now but i want to save our marriage so help me is certainly not a bad thig at all.

Oh...gotcha. You don't want to use MB tools to save your M, you just want to post about your sitch and get comfort. No prob. There are plenty of posters on here who are very good at empathizing with your pain. Because of course others have experienced it. Good luck.

Well it sure does feel like they are insulting me.
Many people do know. I have told many people about it. I know most of her friends know. The only place I haven't outed her is her commander.
You are right I am stuck right now. I don't know what to do, or even if I want to do it. Once I decide what I want to do I am trying to maintain.
I work full time at a pretty famous place. I've told my boss about it so he understands if I seem off from time to time. He has been trhough the same thing and has been very supportive.

SG

Just my situation. As a former WH myself all I lived for when WayWurd was to arrange my life so my family, friends whoever did not get in the way of what I I I I wanted. The AP. Period. I would manipulate cirucmstances, bargain, arrange, and try to control so MY MY MY plans would work out the way I I I I I wanted them to.

I am not trying to insult you and others on here are not either.

You have some very good posters who have stuck by you over the last ten days or so since you came on the board.

A couple of the posters have several thousand posts to there credit. If you go back and read your other thread you will see a common theme. This is from posters who either have some time under their belt or thousands of posts.

You can get it without looking.




I am currently a BH in PLB.
It took me a long time in my situation with trying to deal with an active real alcoholic. Nothing else worked to end the current A until I exposed the A where it did the most good. There is no PLA when with an active alcoholic since it only rewards their destructive behavior. I went to PLB about one month after exposure.

Each and every exposure letter I wrote had the same theme. My wife is having an A with POSOM. I Love my W and is there advice or some way you can help me to save my M?

Even sent one to the OM's DD17 who knew nothing about the A since she lived with mom 50 miles away.

Exposure needs to be done where it will be nuclear and gain the most support for you. Exposure is Not to be done with revenge or anger.

Did you ask the people to support you that you told? Did you make it clear you wanted to save your M. Do the people around you in real life know what you want or how you want to proceed with the M? As you were telling them what was YOUR MOTIVE?

The support I got came in the form of support from people who essentialy knew and said nothing or had a different picture painted to them by the WW.


By sitting back and allowing the A to go on without causing any type of interferance or disruption you are enabling the A.

When that happens here on this board you can usually here the CRICKETS as far as support from other posters. You have the chance to show her you are a real man. You have a chance to show yourself you will fight for your M and family. Or maybe you just want to let the A run its course and when shes finished work some nice compromise out with her.

I think I posted to you before with the same line

WOMAN DO NOT TRULY LOVE MEN THEY HAVE NO RESPECT FOR.

Make a plan using all the ADVICE POSTERS HAVE BEEN GIVING YOU AND THE resources on this site.

Nesre

I agree with everything nesre said here SG, if that's worth anything to you. It's tough I know...

SWW

Surprised, just so you know: the posters on here didn't 'take the weekend off'. The traffic is lighter here on weekends because we're making sure we are having plenty of UA time with our spouses, and that usually occurs on weekends when the work week is done. It's a little more active this weekend because there is another poster who has stepped up to the plate to save his marriage, and we've been spending a great deal of time with him to help him through it. It does involve exposure. Of course. We see a good outcome for him,and we're on his thread because he is willing to do the heavy lifting that it takes to expose and end the affair.

You don't know this, but I will tell you that there are vets on here who haven't responded to your posts. This is more than likely because they have cruised your threads and have seen that you have refused to do the work that is required to end your WW's A. They don't - and I don't - want to spend critical time trying to help someone who isn't willing to do the work. We're going to be on the other thread, helping that BH save his M.

We aren't going to ignore your thread, Surprised. The second you are ready to rock we'll be here to help you. Other than that, you'll get plenty of posts of commiseration. If that's what you're looking for, the good posters here have been where you are and are happy to share your pain.

Consider saving your M, though, not just mourning the loss of it.

Okay, if you want more people to post and more opinions...I will just add my 2 cents....This is what you need to do....